#1October 12th, 2009 · 11:40 PM
129 threads / 33 songs
1,412 posts
United States of America
Rupture
*

This song is not in a battle


Woah.  I know, I'm wondering the same thing you are... "where on earth have you been?"

I just sat down and recorded an idea I had for about an hour.  It's a short one, but I'm glad I was able to pull together something that, altogether, I'm proud of.

Fair warning, though, I didn't put it through any processing at all, and everything was recorded through the same mic, same settings, same volume.  Totally not professional.  All the same, tell me what you think.  I may get more time to kick  the idea around over the next week or so.

(PS-- this is not about the main character killing himself   It's about leaving everything behind!)

The words:
Rupture

Yes, hello.
I've got you're three o'clock.
I need to move it up,
I've got something that needs saying.
And I really need to get it off my chest before I die.

To all my friends out there, I really need to say a word or two

The reason why we gather here today,
is my passing away.
I'm glad to see all the sobbing teachers,
and the depressed doctors,
and my sorry friends,
and the awe-struck neighbors.

I'll have you know
that I'm ready to pass away into another life.
But it's not me who's leaving...
It's you, it's you.

I'm off to breathe the air again,
Maybe I'll have to do this again
When I'm barely on the edge...
I'm barely behind the edge.
May it be that I'll never do this again

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#2October 13th, 2009 · 01:04 AM
1 threads / 1 songs
20 posts
Czech Republic
huh, pretty much into pop, arent you? :-D
ok, first, i must say, that your singing isnt totally crap, but the guitar seems pretty weird, maybe its just that you didnt have time to record it better, or it might be the chord progression, but guitar sounds nowhere near good...

regarding the lyrics, i dunno, they doesnt sound bad to me, but the option of suicide would be much more beautiful, i would like to see something more ethereal, poetic....

hope you'll rerecord it, mix it, and show it to us, when it's 100% DONE
#3October 13th, 2009 · 02:21 AM
129 threads / 33 songs
1,412 posts
United States of America
Dreppadlar wrote…
huh, pretty much into pop, arent you? :-D

Mmm... I wouldn't say "pop".. I'm actually not much into that, but then again, I'm not sure that I can properly place my various songs into a single category :P

I would suggest that the notion of suicide is far from beautiful.  I don't mean to take your comment too seriously, but I do wish to express that this is not what I want to come from the song.  I don't just write music for whatever theme seems most jarring to the audience.  It would be impossible for me to write about killing myself, as I am still here.  You can always work from an assumption that I've got some sort of actual connection to the songs I write!  I wouldn't require this of everybody, but it is the way I choose to write.

As for the guitar being weird.. well, that's all relative.  My interest is not in writing music that has already been done before.  I write the ideas that come to mind!  Just the same, I appreciate the comments.

Thanks for the feedback.
#4October 13th, 2009 · 02:49 AM
371 threads / 187 songs
3,358 posts
United Kingdom
Hey TLS nice to see you back, Great feel to the song, hope you get time to work on it or just polish it up.

Would love to hear a band perform this?

Cheers
#5October 13th, 2009 · 04:37 AM
110 threads / 55 songs
463 posts
Nepal
Hello TLS nice to hear from you hope you're well
That's a nice start of a song you've got here you should work at it you might be onto something good
#6October 13th, 2009 · 11:38 AM
129 threads / 33 songs
1,412 posts
United States of America
Hello..

Thanks, both of you!  I'm happy to see some familiar faces

You know, Denis, about the full band thing... I'm toying with the idea of getting together a band out in my new home in Arizona.  I have less actual friends than I have fingers on one hand, so the process might take a little while, but it is an interesting idea to play with in the mean time.

If this song needs anything, it's polish    I seriously haven't pulled out the mic since last Christmas, and last night was a pretty feeble attempt at doing things "right."  I actually found that all my software was not installed since my last computer reformatting, so Audacity carried me through :P
#7October 13th, 2009 · 12:50 PM
1 threads / 1 songs
20 posts
Czech Republic
no, i wrote it wrong... the guitar probably needs just some ambience, to fit with the vocal, which is pretty loud opposed to it (maybe, its just that i use shitty speakers at bad place :-D) .... and some more mixing or drums would be nice... (im the last to speak about weird guitar ) - maybe some distortion or sth would do

it's pretty nice to hear what you say about lyrics... 

and listening to it now, it's better (in fact, i wrote the first post in morning ) - and thats all, what i would like to see ...

i like the "loud" part (after 1:18 or so)
#8October 13th, 2009 · 01:27 PM
129 threads / 33 songs
1,412 posts
United States of America
Dreppadlar, I'm curious what you might think of one of my other more recent works (a good year ago, though :P )... Hopefully I'm not advertising my own work too annoyingly.  Just the same, I'd like to help tip you off to a different side of what I like to do:

Thievery Sends its Best Regards
#9October 13th, 2009 · 01:31 PM
1 threads / 1 songs
20 posts
Czech Republic
i already thought about that... so, when ill be back on computer (in 3 hrs. or so), ill definitely listen to it
#10October 13th, 2009 · 02:14 PM
1 threads / 1 songs
3 posts
Ireland
I thought the singing wasn't that bad actually, and the lyrics are quite good. I enjoyed it, well done.
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