Well, here's a more complete recording of the song.  I'll just say that I'm not completely happy with the vocal job at some parts, but I won't tear the song apart before you even hear the whole thing.

(I've posted a new version on my site (direct link) which is a different recording entirely :P )

Note, that there are a few notes in the vocals that sound like they shake and tremble (one of which is in the chorus).  I can only conclude that I damaged the audio while filtering out the hiss. (Why it affected only a single note or two is still beyond me, but hey.)  I'll fix these corrupted notes in a future recording.

There are a few loosely executed timing issues.  It's mostly just some small fine-tweaking things.

I'm out of town for a couple of weeks, so I wanted to post this now, rather than later.

All feedback is welcome, of course

Lyrics:

And You've Gone and Told Love's Secret (You Fool) [ee mixdown]

verse 1
I want you to come around
I would never tell you anything to hurt you
Open up, Love
You've got my heart, there
You've got everything.
Everything meaningful is wagered in your reckless game.
Open up,
It's Love who's calling

knock at door, Boy responds with, "Who is it?"

chorus
The stage is a dance in Citadel
You, you gotta make it hard or sit it out
Everyone is clinging to you,
and I hate it,
and you hate it
I would never tell you anything to hurt you...

knock at door again, boy shouts, "I'm busy right now!"

bridge
Boy says,
"One, two, three, four,
One, two, three, four,
...Where'd she go?
*sigh*
She's over there again...
Maybe next time?
I'll just sit this one out.
I dunno... Just sing to myself."

Da da da da da da la da da
Da da da da da da mm la da da

Oh, I'm missing you
I want you here
Oh, no,
Maybe I'm doubting "us" again?

verse 2
If I held you until the stars fell down,
from their places in the sky,
would you tell all,
all about everything?
I've got this feeling that I'm dependent, overly.
If I touch down now, I won't be pulling back up.
I'm sure of this...
Is Love killing time?

chorus
The stage is a dance in Citadel
You, you gotta make it hard or sit it out
Everyone is clinging to you,
and I hate it,
and you hate it
I would never tell you anything to hurt you...

Boy clears throat... exhales...
and walks away.

Verses 1 & 2 revisited
I want you to come around
I would never ask you anything to hurt you
Open up, Love
You've got my heart, there
You've got everything.
Everything meaningful (is wagered in your reckless game.)
If I held you until the stars fell down,
from their places in the sky,
would you tell all,
all about everything?
I've got this feeling I'm dependent, overly.
Your love, does it love me?
Your love, does it love me?

I love the chaotic nature of this...even though it flows so well. Your vocal melodies throughout are top notch! Very good stuff here man, I really like it.Ever think of using a 12 string for the one guitar track? Oh, I also love the talking breaks and especially "I dunno, just sing to myself"....makes the listener more apart of the vibe and feeling of the piece....makes it personal.Again, great stuff!

Very nice arrangement, You obviously put a lot of work into this, lots of interesting sounds between the phrases.

I would perhaps pan the acoustic guitar more outwards, it will push your vox through better, hence the EQ is simillar.

Nice job TLS

Denis

Hey--- Thanks, both of you for your comments!

Haha.. when I thought to put the straight talking parts into the song, I felt like it was a perfect idea for the song, for the feel I wanted it to have.  I'm glad that you liked the way it influences the experience of listening!

As always, Denis, I thank you for the straightforward ideas.  I honestly wish I would just make myself go out and buy a second mic so that I could have 2-mic setup for this stuff, but I have other more pertinent things to spend my money on right now... I think that having a second mic would help boost the sound quality, thus helping me to avoid having to pan my guitar tracks out to an outrageous percentage.  Right now it's at a 150% widening (so, 50% out further than it normally is) and it sounded good at the time, though I think I'll take your advice and push it out a bit further to see what I can do for the guitar's sound.  You're likely right about it helping to push the vocals through a bit better.  (Edit:  The links I've provided above do not make this change in stereo width.  I'll experiment with it on my own mixes.)

As for the EQ, I realized after exporting the mixdown that in the lower 3rd quarter of the frequencies, the guitar has almost no sound coming through.  I was worried right at first, but then I noticed that my voice on this one slaps right over top of that low spot on the frequencies, thus leveling the EQ much more nicely than without.  (I dunno if any of that made sense.  I tried, at least :P )  So anyway, the voice is filling in a frequency "hole" that the guitar leaves, which was handy.  I'll see if I can help tone the guitar and the vocal EQs a bit more to bring it out some more.

Thanks again you two!
Tim

Wicked flow and lyrics! and the harmonies are awesome!

There's something about the way you've recorded the guitar that really hits some harsh frequencies.  I think it's the treble boost, actually.  The high-register frequencies from your pick and handling noise are really the biggest problem with the track.  EQ is your biggest friend here.

I love the large chorus.  It needs some mixing, as it sounds muddy as a whole.  Panning is fine, but try to work with levels and EQ, and maybe tone down on compression.

I agree with Denis; pan the guitar wide, like I said last time.  Also, turn them down.  They are competing with your vocals and in some parts are winning.

Apart from that, this is a pretty solid mix.  Nothing that isn't mixing desk work, really.  Good stuff!

Oh, and: http://www.musiciansfriend.com/product/Behringer-XM8500-Microphone?sku=270490

I am not qualified to comment technically but I have to say that I really admire your creativity.

- At first listen song sounds improvised but as you go it becomes apparent that this is meticulously planned out.
- I love that you put so much effort into conveying meaning rather than just focusing on tune
- My personal feel is that this song has great depth, amazing with just guitar and vox.

Love it - been in my favourites for a while.

Nice man. But I am going to have to agree with some people on some things.
Sometimes the guitar over powers your voice,nothing major a small fix.
"There's something about the way you've recorded the guitar that really hits some harsh frequencies.  I think it's the treble boost, actually.  The high-register frequencies from your pick and handling noise are really the biggest problem with the track."-avi I agree.
I like the big chorus,it was unexpected but completely fit into the song.
Still like the feel and the style of this song.

Keep it up :]

I'm not one to go into a lot details about the technicle aspect of a song. The reason is that Im not very good at that part of it myself. I try to rate the song for its creativity. I think you did well on this TLS. I do like the creativity of this. I like the knock on the door effect. Nice harmony also. Your sure do have a very distinctive voice. I would know it anywhere.

Nice work Tim

Flyer

Will Rate

Awesome arrangement!  There are some harsh frequencies going on though...  at least the way i hear it. Like Av said, I believe it was that treble boost.  I don't think you need to boost the highs much.  The guitar is just a bit loud and the vocal could rest a bit more comfortably in the mix. (just opinion)  I love the originality!  Everything is crisp and clear..very catchy...few minor adjustments to polish this one. Rated and Reviewed.

Hey guys!  Thanks for the replies   I'm in Canada right now and have only a little bit of time before I need to head out of the door, so I'll make this quick for now:

Thanks, Avi, for the link-- I'll have to check it out as soon as I can. Just got my financial aid money into my checking account ( :P ) so I'll be able to have some wiggle room for getting another mic (and maybe a few other minor inexpensive things while I'm at it).

You know what I've just discovered, about these high frequencies you all have been telling me about...  I took a different pair of headphones with me on this trip out to Canada, and I've been noticing the very same thing that you're all saying to me.  As soon as I get home, I intend to sit down with my recording headphones and with this other pair, and try to pick out the specific differences in sound.  I think my recording headphones don't respond to the higher frequencies that are so annoying about the mix.  While recording, it sounded great all the way through, but with this other pair of headphones, I think you all have nailed the problem about the highs.  Thank you to all of you!

I'll certainly pan that guitar out further.  Ultimately, I'll probably record the whole thing one more time all the way through.  There are several parts of the 2nd half of the song where I wasn't extremely precise with the guitar notes.  I'll try to get it all cleaned up and pretty for a final mix

thanks again to all of you!
Tim

Wow meow you ve,impressed me with the detailed ...I agree with most about the high frequencies and other minor fixable issues,but again as i said before you have a style and a sound all to your own, and that my friend is magic...good show!

Thanks muchly, Marino   I really want to make this one good--- I'm really happy with the composition and layout, but I always have a hard time sticking through something to the very end.  When I listen to my songs, I can hear the final product lurking in there, but to everyone else, it's not as crisp and clear.  I want to just get it out there for it to go down in history that TLS actually finished something he set out to do :P  haha...

Thanks, all, for the encouragement.  I'll be sure to put down the guitar a bit, and to mess with the EQ enough to destroy that treble annoyance.  Compression is a bit high, too, I agree.

Thanks, WaM, for the comments--- I can see entirely how it feels like a giant improve!  Honestly, that's exactly how most of my songs start off, and I start nailing down the patterns and the progressions as I go, until I'm comfortable enough to really make it shine more.

Something that I noticed while rereading the comments:  As for the guitar competing with the vocals at parts, I agree, although I indeed intended to have the lines "you've got my heart there" and "wagered in your reckless game" drop into a quieter tone.  That characteristic will likely be persistent in the next mix, though I'll try to pull it off better.

Hey TLS,
You're vocals go off tune very very frequently,
You need a producer man. BIG TIME.

your voice does it for me ..................

fish

ive listened to this 50 times plus in the loop

love it