#1February 15th, 2008 · 01:40 PM
130 threads / 34 songs
1,413 posts
United States of America
Love's Secret [c mixdown]
*

This song is not in a battle


Okay, so I made some progress here.  It's still not done, but I won't get another solid chance for a while to sit down and work on it and make it longer and balance the sounds and get the EQ right (it's a little sketchy in some parts) and tweak the VBR encoding (it's step is too big, and when sound bursts out from silence, it's less than fantastic because the VBR hasn't refreshed to capture the proper quality) and a few other things (too much general reverb, levels, etc)

I'll tell you now, the idea of this song's structure is that it's all rearranged from our traditional idea.  It'll go:  Verse, Chorus, Bridge, Verse, Chorus, Transitional Build, Neo-verse

Lyrics:

And You've Gone and Told Love's Secret (You Fool) [c mixdown]

verse 1
I want you to come around
I would never tell you anything to hurt you
Open up, Love
You've got my heart, there
You've got everything.
Everything meaningful is wagered in your reckless game.
Open up,
It's Love who's calling

knock at door, Boy responds with, "Who is it?"

chorus
The stage is a dance in Citadel
You, you gotta make it hard or sit it out
Everyone is clinging to you,
and I hate it,
and you hate it
I would never tell you anything to hurt you...

knock at door again, boy shouts, "I'm busy right now!"

bridge
Boy says,
"One, two, three, four,
One, two, three, four,
...Where'd she go?
*sigh*
She's over there again...
Maybe next time?
I'll just sit this one out.
I dunno... Just sing to myself."


Da da da da da da la da da
Da da da da da da la da da

Oh, I'm missing you
I want you here
Oh, no,
Maybe I'm doubting "us" again?

verse 2
If I held you until the stars fell down,
from their places in the sky,
would you tell all,
all about everything?
I've got this feeling that I'm dependent, overly.
If I touch down now, I won't be pulling back up.
I'm sure of this...
Is Love killing time?

chorus
The stage is a dance in Citadel
You, you gotta make it hard or sit it out
Everyone is clinging to you,
and I hate it,
and you hate it
I would never tell you anything to hurt you...


the rest will be recorded later

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#2February 15th, 2008 · 04:53 PM
371 threads / 187 songs
3,365 posts
United Kingdom
I like the harmony vox a lot, I wanted to hear more of it the song. Also liked the spoken part

Personally I would add just a little bit of reverb on the acoustic, but i assume that you are trying to create a dry performance song here.

Nice job, it's very you.

Rated

Denis
#3February 15th, 2008 · 05:29 PM
2 threads
49 posts
Ireland
Thanks for your comment on Devil Moon.
I thought I would drop by to see where you were coming from so to speak and find I am well outside my comfort zone and my genre. I admire the ambitiousness of this and it's certainly different to what I would normally listen to.........but I listened twice and enjoyed it twice. I am not qualified to comment further but I would be interested in where you take it from here.
#4February 15th, 2008 · 11:51 PM
130 threads / 34 songs
1,413 posts
United States of America
hey guys-- thanks for the replies!

mm... mostly directed at Denis:  I made another mix of the song, which is just about the same thing, but with a better EQ and reverb (intentionally made to sound like a bit of a concert hall).  I won't bother uploading it here, but I keep an active version of it on my webstie:  http://tonightslastsong.000webhost.info/mp3s/xxyoufool.mp3

Denis wrote…
Nice job, it's very you.

haha.. yes, I suppose so   It's easier to do it that way than to not!

Tim
#5February 17th, 2008 · 08:18 AM
127 threads / 43 songs
2,808 posts
Puerto Rico
hey Tim!!
Very original sound performance....I the vocal is very unique as have pointed out to you...Your vox sound and style are indeed quite unique....The music is very complicated in its song structure, but it is all well put together from within its own musical context.The sound add ons of the door knocking where a nice detail...Some parts you are able to transition with out a flaw giving those parts a nice flow,the other parts sound like they need to be worked on a bit more for cleaner changes..I hope you get time soon to work on it ,its coming along real good.....
Good show my friend!!!
#6February 17th, 2008 · 03:08 PM
64 threads / 13 songs
669 posts
United States of America
This is quite an experimental track, structure-wise.  You know that my musical tastes differ here, but that doesn't mean I can't comment on the track's musical qualities, right?

Composition wise, I like the jazzy/funky chord progression; while there are some mis-strums in the start, the quick strumming under your slow vocal melody make for a unique sound.  The melody is quite complex; it works well in most places, but there are a few vocal runs in the chorus which I felt were unnecessary and actually sounded like your voice was having trouble making the next note.

You already know about the EQ of the track, but for completeness' sake, the guitar starts off far too boomy.  Towards the end the levels work out a bit better, but for a track like this, try recording the entire guitar take in one sitting.  We don't have perfect enough studio environments to recreate the same sound on two separate sittings.  I would also widen the stereo field of the guitar more; maybe to 50% on either side.  The little lead runs, which, by the way, were spot on, should be panned to outside the field of the rhythm guitar...I'd try 65% and go from there.

There were a lot of harmonies, so I'll tackle them one by one.  The lower-register, underlying harmony that appears worked well; there were a few missed notes, but nothing terrible.  The single words that panned out were also great.  Again here, I'd like to see more dynamism with the stereo field.  Take your lead vocals and center them as much as possible; it should sound like it is coming from between your ears with headphones.  Everything else, try halfway between the edge of the rhythm guitar and the lead vocals.  For the single words, try elsewhere. 

The only other thing I'd suggest would be to tighten everything up; there are a few sloppy parts here and there that, as the track stands, don't kill it, but to give it that final push towards "finished", I'd fix all of those.  Of course, this isn't a final mixdown as you've made clear, but yeah, for completeness sake.

That's about all I can think of right now, peace.
#7February 18th, 2008 · 08:54 AM
130 threads / 34 songs
1,413 posts
United States of America
thanks marino, avinashv   For what marino said, about the transitions, you're right about some of them being smooth while others feel a bit forced.  I've been milling around a few ideas to decide how I might alter them to get it all on the same level.  Thanks!

As far as your comments, avi, I must say that I've been boring myself to death by listening to the track over and over again until I get sick of it and can look at it objectively, without holding any magical fix-all bias for the issues in it.  The conclusions I've been coming to are pretty much what you've listed here---  It's good to see it in writing, with some solid specifics about what I might try.

I knew there were some straying strums, though I'll admit that I've been letting it slide this far since I knew that I'd probably want to rerecord the thing as a whole once it was fully done.

I spent a bit of time trying to tweak the panning and stuff in that link'd version I posted just above, but even then, I still agree with you, that the guitar and other things need some panning and EQ adjusting.  Thanks for some specific ideas about the harmony and little lead guitar extras, about their positioning in the stereo field.  I'll probably sit down to work on this again once this week finishes out. 

I've got some ideas for the rest of the song structure, but I'll have to experiment a bit before I can record it for sure.  I probably won't introduce too many new lyrics into it, as I would like to capture the theme I've already made without turning it into an onslaught of words.  That being said, I'm going to try to alter the sound of the last bits that I haven't recorded just yet.  Once I can get it all right and presentable, I'll post again and see what you all think.

I intend to make the next post of this song as a final version, subject only to post-EQ balancing (and such) only, according to the feedback I get on this and the next post.

thanks again, everyone!
Tim
#8February 19th, 2008 · 05:15 PM
74 threads / 3 songs
529 posts
Cook Islands
This has a very All Time Low/Cute is What We Aim for sound...as for feel..I'm not sure.
Structire is pretty cool. Harmonies are great.
Spoken part is cool,too.
At "Oh, I'm missing you
I want you here
Oh, no,
Maybe I'm doubting "us" again? " It feels weird to me.

But also at the spoken part maybe a girl responding?

Good! My describing skills suck today :P
Will rate :]
#9July 16th, 2008 · 01:06 AM
4 threads / 4 songs
22 posts
Canada
this song is great dude. really like your vocals. Reminds me of Dashboard Confessionals singer Chris Carrabba, whom I like alot. Really like the chord progression too. like the creativity of the spoken part. nicely done!! I'm now going to check out your other stuff!!
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