...his back, dead-center in the top of a meticulously restored 1948 Citroen 2CV owned by a one Vernon Wiggs, a retired accountant who resided with his maternal aunt,, Sara Willis in a little flat they shared 7 stories below.. Vernon never married and lived a rather Spartan existence. He was essentially satisfied to share this little two-bedroom apartment with this woman..Nearly 27 years earlier, he had agreed to move in with her after the death of her third husband. Together, they lived a rather tidy, but unimaginative life. His only luxuries had been his collection of Joey Heatherton memorabilia and the diminutive ancient automobile. The Citroen was a curious-looking little car, with an overall appearance that resembled an assassin beetle with a posture problem. It was all round and bulbous, greenish-gray in color, with a cloth sunroof. It featured a tiny opposed-twin-cylinder 9 horsepower engine. Owners of this car would often joke that it would "do 0-60 in about a day". While unimpressive to many, it was the object of adulation for Vernon. He had gone to great lengths to restore and maintain the car, and he was yet unaware of the bloody and broken corpse laying amidst the crumpled metal, canvas, rubber and shattered glass that had once existed, in his estimation, as a symbol of his potential freedom. No, at this moment, he was not concerned with the car at all. In fact, all of his attention in that moment was focused on....

..finding his long lost mother,but little did he know she was parachuting out of a window being chased by a mad man by the name of Inigo Montoya! Vernon was in his small work space in his room doing some painting. He stepped away from his painting of what he though his mother would be doing right now(which coincidently happened to be parachuting!) and sighed. He thought of how much he hated being holed up in his room all the time. The only time he ever got out was to go get groceries for his aunt and himself and to get a cup of coffee every once in awhile at a small jazz and poetry place in an alley near South Street and Pancake Palace Hill Lane. He sat down in his rather expensive swivel chair and swiveled.He abruptly stopped and made hid way for the door. His aunt questioned where he was going and yelled,"I'm going to go visit Lady Sovereign!" As he raced down the landing and step outside,he was immediately kicked in the face by the old lady. He fell down and and covered his face.
"What the hell is your problem lady?!",he screamed as he pushed the old lady off of him and tried to stand up.
"Vernon? Is that you? Vernon?!" ,the old lady said shocked.
"Yes I'm Vernon,but I have no clue who the hell you are lady!"
The lady chuckled and said,"I would have never raised you to talk like that. Sara always had a sailor's mouth."
"How do you know Aunt Sara?"
"She's my sister,of coarse!"
"That would make you my...my...my...-" ,Vernon stammered.
"Yes it does son,but I need you to come to Mexico with me now. My previous companion just landed on a car and died. Quite a shame...He was a nice man..."  Vernon looked around and saw a defunct man contorted onto the top of his car. He stepped back and gasped.
"But I need you to bring something with us to Mexico...."

"... drugs.  lots and lots of drugs.  Going across the border is always more fun when you're doing something illegal!"  the woman smiled.  " ."

Vernon, torn between the corpse on his car and his parachuting mother escaping to Mexico, just panted a few times in an awkward silence.  "..What?"

"C'mon, dang it.  Get-cher drugs!  And aunt sara's, too.  Listen to your mother, child!  Friggin Montoya's coming after me!"

No sooner had she screamed the words than did Inigo fall from the same window, narrowly missing the mix of corpse and car, though clipping his left knee on its hood, falling to the concrete in a goofy array of noises such as "ouch" "wft" "not the polish remover" and "oh no".  Trying to stand and walk towards the old lady and her son, he fell to the ground.  "OH MY HEAVENS, I JUST MAY DIE."

"Alright," said the old woman, "forget the drugs.  Now that the Nameless contortion is dead, we needn't search after that blasted leprechaun (thank heavens).  Now I have only to remedy my problems, as the careless man had promised me in the beginning... surely I can find such a remedy in Mexico's .... "

Secrete police called the Falcons. They are the ones responsible for the torturing of my brother, your uncle. He was a double agent for the Kansas Turnpike Authority (a front for the Bob Dole family world domination league) .  Control of the KTA has now been passed on to.........

go bak 2 pages and start again

a bit of hindu logic

be reborn ...... and enjoy.........again

...a Chapter of the "Gypsy Jokers" outlaw motorcycle gang, newly established in Kansas. They were recruited for this job by Kathleen Gilligan Sebelius, current Governor of the state of Kansas. She has been credited with a number of radical changes in state government there, and has demonstrated a fearless approach in pursuing nontraditional approaches. The Jokers have become weary of their outlaw status in California and have sought a more legitimate role in society;;however, Kansas state officials do note that the gang's approach to enforcement may need a little refining. The former outlaws have been reprimanded for continued pursuit of drunken parties, "golden showers", and "beat downs" that have occurred on occasion on state property." "At any rate, she continued, I used to be associated with the Jokers...and without going into detail, they sorta owe me". Vernon blanched at the thought of this old woman, claiming to be his mother, having such associations in her life. Vernon, who had led a fairly sheltered existence for most of his life, had never been exposed to such, and the thought of being related to this rather bizarre woman was repugnant to him. His feelings of alienation were further compounded by her emerging habit of punctuating her sentences by reaching into the deep pockets of her uniform, retrieving a pint bottle of Jack Daniels, and ceremoniously inverting it skyward over her mouth in a cacophony of gulping and bubbling sounds. Vernon sat on the hard concrete steps of his building, in order to disassociate from this ugly scene and collect his thoughts. Holding his head in his hands, his gaze fell to......

....a glistening puddle.His reflection was so distorted he couldn't even tell it was himself. His emotions at that moment matched with his reflection:garbled,confusing,and mystifying. As his so called mother walked over to his newly smashed car, he got up and walked up the stoop of his house. Inigo was still moaning on the other side and Vernon sharply told him to shut his mouth. He walked inside,threw his jacket down on the meticulously clean floor,and went into the medicine cabinet of his bathroom. Anxiety was pulsing through him and had started to cause a large headache. He grabbed a large bottle of aspirin and took four. He put back the bottle in it's reserved spot and closed the mirrored window. He walked up to his Aunt's room and sat down in a squishy bean bag chair. Sara was working on some paperwork for her companies' newest project,finding The Leprechaun of Jersey.
"Sara,your sister is outside."
"Which sister,my dear?"
"The loud,obnoxious,drug-crazed,drunken one...my mother."
"That's not possible," Sara said."She's in Africa saving termite towers."
"Well obviously not.She's outside and I think you should talk to her," he whispered.
Sara got up out of her chair and walked out of the room and quickly trotted down the stairs. Vernon followed. Sara walked out of the door and the bright sunlight blinded her for a moment,but she walked forward. The old lady was sitting on top of Vernon's wrecked car blowing beer bubbles from her mouth. She abruptly stopped when she saw Sara walking over to her.
Sara unexpectedly took an extra step towards her sister and punched her in her jaw,knocking her to her side.

"That's what you get for...."

i'm so lost!!!!!!

"....eating my....." Sara paused...

"You're what, little sister?"

"... for eating, and then -------ING my record collection!" Sara screamed, quickly going hoarse.

(fill in the blank and continue.)

Man, I definitely wanna get Lasik surgery when I have the means to.