Man...I know what you mean when you say you always find something wrong and go back to tweak it.  I do it all the time.....its like OCD.  K, this song.  Good stuff,  stop with the self deprication.  When I write something Im not happy with even after tweaking and tweaking then I release it and admit Im not happy with it but its still one of my babies.  This is your stuff man, it may not be your best or your favorite but it represents a time and a place in your writing and you should just let it be what it is.  Anyway, the song itself does sound a bit "contemporary", or maybe "main stream" is the term im looking for?,  But I like it.  It goes somewhere which is important for me.  Keep it up man, looking forward to new stuff!

I finally got this recorded after 14 years of looking for the right composer 
It is a bit mono tone  but it is just a demo to sell the lyrics
there is a music video on You tube if anyone is interested
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=um-Z8ER7We4
Thanks
Craig Allison

Poison By Desire

Things around here have gotten a bit crazy
I went to bed last night feeling hazy
It’s hard to pretend when I’m such a liar
With all my thoughts poisoned by desire

I woke up this morning right next to you
Was wondering what I was going to do
There’s Poison in my heart I can feel it melt
All I can think about is someone else

(chorus)
The Heat of another filled my heart with fire
One taste of her and I was poisoned with desire
Somewhere in the shadow of this vipers domain
There’s poison by desire running through my veins

Looking through the eyes of another girl
She changed the way that I see the world
This life I’ve been living doesn’t seem so real
I know it’s not right but I need her thrill

(chorus)
The Heat of another filled my heart with fire
One taste of her and I was poisoned with desire
Somewhere in the shadow of this vipers domain
There’s poison by desire running through my veins

Deep inside her sweet venom has me hooked
Just one touch from this girl was all it took
The thought of her venom has my heart on fire
All I crave is Poison by desire

Now all these days I spend my life trying
How to keep the truth from you by lying
Hidden between my lust, and feelings for you
Poisoned by desire without a clue

(chorus)
The Heat of another filled my heart with fire
One taste of her and I was poisoned by desire
Somewhere in the shadow of this vipers domain
There’s poison by desire running through my veins

Craig Allison Copyright ©  2000 2002 2006 2014  ASCAP 1584143

Poisoned by Desire and Poison by desire  2 ASCAP registered names
Are the lyrical works of Craig Allison  ASCAP member 1584143

Looks like this young guy has been plagerizing   My works
These are actually a registered works with a intelectual property rights through Copyright and ASCAP   registration   This has also been recorded and a music video created  The copyrightd date back to 2002   and Im not sure where he got the copy

Craig


 Poison By Desire 

Things around here have gotten a bit crazy
I went to bed last night feeling hazy
It’s hard to pretend when I’m such a liar
With all my thoughts poisoned by desire

I woke up this morning right next to you
Was wondering what I was going to do
There’s Poison in my heart I can feel it melt
All I can think about is someone else

(chorus)
The Heat of another filled my heart with fire
One taste of her and I was poisoned with desire
Somewhere in the shadow of this vipers domain
There’s poison by desire running through my veins

Looking through the eyes of another girl
She changed the way that I see the world
This life I’ve been living doesn’t seem so real
I know it’s not right but I need her thrill

(chorus)
The Heat of another filled my heart with fire
One taste of her and I was poisoned with desire
Somewhere in the shadow of this vipers domain
There’s poison by desire running through my veins

Deep inside her sweet venom has me hooked
Just one touch from this girl was all it took
The thought of her venom has my heart on fire
All I crave is Poison by desire

Now all these days I spend my life trying
How to keep the truth from you by lying
Hidden between my lust, and feelings for you
Poisoned by desire without a clue

(chorus)
The Heat of another filled my heart with fire
One taste of her and I was poisoned by desire
Somewhere in the shadow of this vipers domain
There’s poison by desire running through my veins

Craig Allison Copyright ©  2000 2002 2006 2014  ASCAP 1584143

I'm confused ... but never mind !

Listened on youTube and was very impressed with the quality of your work.
But why the whole emphasis on these lyrics? All over the video too.

Kind of weird. Were your lyrics posted anywhere before? (Anywhere before 2007 that is). If you can prove that, you have a very good case to whack mr silentslaughter aka ninjaguy around the ears with. But I seriously doubt that he's made any money with them (or anyone else for that matter) so you probably don't win anything with it.

Or should we read it in reversed order, and are YOU the fraud in this matter?

I Like your lyric style and your snake metaphors.

I wrote something similiar to this called "Serpentine"