I wrote this song in memory of a friend who sadly passed away.

HOPING

 
I know I have to show
That I have no reason to go
But I swear
Yeah this sounds fair
But I'm too low
So Low
For You

[pre-chorus]
But say its true
There is no light,
That shines as bright as you

[chorus]
This pain has come
And I have done
The sin of time
I feel rejected
And forbidden
Tonight

When I wake up,
I see you eyes
So pale and cloudy
And mistified
But please don't cry
You have the time
And you're in my mind
To tell me why
Our love is here

[pre-chorus]
But say its true
There is no light,
That shines as bright as you

[chorus]
This pain has come
And I have done
The sin of time
I feel rejected
And forbidden
Tonight

I'd say its true
Cos I really really love you

[chorus]
My pain has come
And I have done
The sin of time
I feel rejected
And forbidden
Tonight

I would really appreciate any feedback for this song-Thanks

hmm... well I don't usually comment on the lyrics, cause I don't think that's my strong point... but here goes.

I think it's nice. The rhythm is hard to spot, so I couldn't really hear them in a song, but that's neither here nor there...

Ok, I think these lyrics would go great with one of those modern rock, pop-ish songs, you know? They're not bad. They've got emotion.

Not my favorite, but I'd still like to hear them in a song.

just my opinion.

- Ben

I posted lyrics to a song of mine, that I wrote in memory of a mate who passed away, like a week ago- http://forum.bandamp.com/Lyrics_Review/22362.html
Anyway.
I like these lyrics. It's always hard to tell what the rhythms going to be like but hey ho. That's the way it goes.
I'm not sure who's prospective it's supposed to be coming from. I'm guessing your late friends.
Anyway, one thing, change this line,
There is no light,
That shines as bright as you
cause I swear man, it's been used so many times.
It becomes slightly cliched and that for me, almost ruined it. That would be a shame cause everything else is good. If it is coming from the point of view of your friend then it gives it that speaking from beyond the grave fel. I like that mysteriouse mytholigy in songs.(not sure if mytholigy is the right way to explain what I mean...)
Anyway, check out my lyrics ;D,
KI