so, for those of you who know me, i've said before that i write lyrics is paragraph style... my words are supposed to be real... stuff that you actually think and say-- none of this conjured up crap that comes out of rap and pop radio.

anyway, tell me what you think.  i'm still writing / rewritting parts, and there's a few sections that get repeated here and there, but i didn't bother to write them in.

oh hey, désolé if the line breaks look rough to you, but i promise that it fits a melody that sounds good

Ah, Screw Good Ideas

So what makes you tick?
You've got this smile, this presence I can't explain
You don't belong here;
I am the misfit,
I hid my personality safely in the drawer
No one can see, no one can feel me
Me, me, me, *tch* it wasn't about Me
I've got stillframe panoramas of all the things I've gained from you;
Memories to compensate for the time I spent fooling around
At least we've got a few things
At least we've got a few things
A few ideas
A couple of short directions--
Hey, get dressed, we're going driving

So I guess I'm still carrying this burden
I'm equipped with plenty of excuses and reasons for reasons
     for why I never answered my phone
I'm just hoping you accept this letter
It was written as more than just a "thankyou"
But thankyou anyway--
I needed a good breakdown
I've got stillframe panoramas of all the smiles I've gained from you;
Feelings to compensate for the time I spent fooling around
Hey, at least we've got a few things
Hey, at least we've got a few things
A few ideas
A couple of short directions--
Hey, get dressed we're going driving
Hey, guess what, it's just past midnight
I know a scenic route, maybe we can pass by
I've got a few confessions, but it's nothing big
You already shocked it out of me
You know...
Hey, at least we've got a few things in common
A magnetic personality is just what I needed

And I profess, that this is my profession
It's only a small confession
I fell for you

I feel like I'm more than just penciled in for friday night
I've got you around
It's hard to see me right,
But hey,
I've almost blended in
and I like it when the lights are dim

Hey guess what, it's just past midnight
Hey guess what, it's just past midnight
Hey--we're going driving

At least we've got a few things now.
At least we've got a few things now.

Ok, let's go through this step by step, shall we?

so, for those of you who know me, i've said before that i write lyrics is paragraph style... my words are supposed to be real... stuff that you actually think and say-- none of this conjured up crap that comes out of rap and pop radio.

something minor to start with: beware of what you're saying there. you might consider re thinking that... honestly, I think I know what you mean, actually I avoid the radio at all times myself but that's mainly because of dim witted deejays and the fact that they never tell what song they're playing (if it's a great song) and radio by internet doesn't say that either, they make me go visit their exceedingly-slow-because-of-an-overload-of-advertisement site to dig up some ill updated and incomplete playlist from some of the darker and deeper realms of adware infestation, and that just doesn't make me happy... so the unknown artists have their song played on the radio, but I'm actually one of few interested enough in knowing who they are and am left out in the cold for it... ... but that means, somewhere and somehow, that some of the pop and even rap radio isn't conjured up crap, but lyrics consisting of things one could actually say and think. or else I wouldn't like them either...

anywho... that was largely off topic, so back to bizznzz

Ah, Screw Good Ideas

So what makes you tick?

good question, gets me interested in reading / listening on right away

You've got this smile, this presence I can't explain
You don't belong here;
I am the misfit,

just a second - you don't belong here; I am the misfit jumping from second to first person seems confusing, ... as it isn't until further down the lyric where it becomes clear that you're talking to a romantic liaison - quite possibly the love of your life. This transition from second to first person causes confusion, which could be easily solved by adding the simple word "or". ({not spoken:} either) you don't belong here, or I am the misfit.
(if that is what you mean with this line ofcourse, then it will be entirely clear what you're trying to say)

I hid my personality safely in the drawer

is that where you stash the grass? ok that was lame...

No one can see, no one can feel me
Me, me, me, *tch* it wasn't about Me

really interested in how you would fit this line in, musically.

I've got stillframe panoramas of all the things I've gained from you;
Memories to compensate for the time I spent fooling around
At least we've got a few things
At least we've got a few things
A few ideas
A couple of short directions--
Hey, get dressed, we're going driving

that was beautiful. although reading it from a screen doesn't come with music, the lyric speaks for itself, it's very strong and beautiful.

So I guess I'm still carrying this burden
I'm equipped with plenty of excuses and reasons for reasons
     for why I never answered my phone
I'm just hoping you accept this letter
It was written as more than just a "thankyou"
But thankyou anyway--
I needed a good breakdown
I've got stillframe panoramas of all the smiles I've gained from you;
Feelings to compensate for the time I spent fooling around
Hey, at least we've got a few things
Hey, at least we've got a few things
A few ideas
A couple of short directions--
Hey, get dressed we're going driving

yes, the history unfolds - the depth is deepened, and it is very strong indeed!

Hey, guess what, it's just past midnight
I know a scenic route, maybe we can pass by
I've got a few confessions, but it's nothing big
You already shocked it out of me
You know...
Hey, at least we've got a few things in common
A magnetic personality is just what I needed

And I profess, that this is my profession

what is?

It's only a small confession
I fell for you

I feel like I'm more than just penciled in for friday night
I've got you around
It's hard to see me right,
But hey,
I've almost blended in
and I like it when the lights are dim

Hey guess what, it's just past midnight
Hey guess what, it's just past midnight
Hey--we're going driving

At least we've got a few things now.
At least we've got a few things now.

ah wow, that was just beautiful. very strong, great lyric...


pretty good lyric, however I am not getting how the title Ah, Screw good Ideas fit with it. This lyric isn't about ideas at all; it's a romance with two stories attached: a history (this relationship has a past) and a present situation (going driving)... A pretty good lyric at that... with a few noted anomalies though, and it doesn't answer the initial question: so what makes you tick?

I can't believe you changed your flag, TRAITOR!
As for the lyrics, they're good. Sounds like two songs mixed together, but they both have the same idea. I say that bc I would assume, without hearing the music, there would only be one line that is repeated ( I've got stillframe panoramas of all the things I've gained from you; I've got stillframe panoramas of all the smiles I've gained from you). But you added a couple of lines (Hey, get dressed we're going driving
Hey, guess what, it's just past midnight & At least we've got a few things now) which you obviously thought they were important enough to stress. I have a sense of your writing style, which I like, and I'd like to hear the rhythm and the song as a whole because you use unique rhythms that are hard to read like a poem. So, I like the lyrics, they are vaguely vague.
Hope you can post the song soon, once you get back from your mysterious self-journey. Are you in re-hab? Just kidding. You should rename your-self MysteriousMondayWriter.

beware of what you're saying there. you might consider re thinking that...

ah, well, i`ll admit that reading over my initial post, it comes off differently than i mean it.  i should be more open minded to pop and rap radio, because i know that there are some real things that get buried in the mixes.  i won`t dispute that.  i don`t mean to just march up to the forum and declare that my words and thoughts are better than everyone elses.  i`m not quite THAT dense   thank you for pointing it out to me though.

as for the 2nd person / 1st person change, i imagined it coming off as more face-to-face conversation.  it`s not so strange if you think of it as two people talking back and forth.  granted, i realize it`s only one person singing or saying the lyrics, but still.  the whole song generally follows that idea of conversational material.

is that where you stash the grass?  ok that was lame...

either that or a gun :P nah, i don`t do the grass, and i don`t have a gun in my drawer, but the illustration is left up to the reader / listener to decide what sort of person i am.

that was beautiful. although reading it from a screen doesn't come with music, the lyric speaks for itself, it's very strong and beautiful.

thank you--your comment means a lot.  merci beaucoup.

as for my profession, imagine what sort of backstory would lead a person to say the things said in the song.  in general, it`s supposed to point to the line "i fell for you".

perhaps the line breaks and some more punctuation would help clarify that.

thanks for the comments!

vaguely vague is how i like it, CC   and you`re right, none of my lyrics really read very easily in a poem.  the melody has to carry it, and the breathing patterns, too.  not every sentence goes for a single line of melody.  some sentences are broken up into more than one line, melodically speaking :P

as for the title, i know that it doesn`t seem to fit very well, but it`s an inside thing.  im`trying to add a couple of lines to better express the title in the song.  i hate using the song title in the lyrics though.  i HATE it.  anyway, i`ll make an edit sometime later

hehe, well, thanks for the comments, all.  i`m trying to help spark this lyrics board into something more popular, but i`m trying to do it without poluting the board with crappy lyrics

till next time!

Wierd song, I liked bits and couldnt understand the rest. But more or less I have always loved your lyrics. It feels like a rap song. I really love the start "So what makes you tick". But I kind of getting more and more confused about the feel of the lyrics the lower I go.

Anyways they aren't close to being as good as Acutally, 'Sorry' Wasn't the First Thing that Came to Mind. That I loved.

Tonightslastsong? I thought you disapeared for ages???

not quite, though i rarely get a chance to post

i may put up more lyrics some day.

Ah right, nice one.
I can't really find a rythem for these lyrics wich makes them quite difecult to get into but they're good.
Dispite not being able to get a rythem from reading them they seem to have a very strong structure.
They're clever,-
And I profess, that this is my profession
It's only a small confession
I fell for you
- I can't get rythem from it but they stand out.
Good lyric.
Check mine out:-D. I might be posting the song at some point so have a gander.
http://forum.bandamp.com/Lyrics_Review/22362.html
But yer, sweet lyrics.
Shame that Bandamp CD never really got sorted,
KI

awesome lyrics...couldn't find any clue how can u write that kind of lyrics...
darn, i'm always writing cheesy lyrics as u can hear it in my song list...they're cheesy...hahaha...poor me..

maybe u can help me figure it out bro? =)

btw, welcome back...haven't heard bout u for ages dude!! 

it took me a few lines to "feel" these lyrics, but by "I'm equipped with plenty of excuses and reasons for reasons for why I never answered my phone", I was hopelessly hooked. These are really beautiful, insightful, hauntingly deep yet simply stated. I like them. d.

freak..

why does this thread have so many views..?  none of the others compare... except for Lady Liberty, by PorcelainDoll

thanks for the comments, everyone, for better or for worse

i'm just a controversial fellow or something

Did you compose music to this one ?   would like to hear the music also...but it looks interesting

Ralph

yeah, a bit, but i don't have a way to record it right now.  i'll turn it into something more real later on