Alright so here's a collaboration with Fantasy, her lyrics, my music. Going for a kind of dusty blues, like Tennessee Waltz (if that means anything). For now this is just a prototype of song though, it needs a female vocalist. Again recording quality isn't ideal but my resources are limited. Thanks for listening.

i was waiting in the dark
the knife in my hand
i put it down when you said
you loved me
you lead me on
and wrote me a song
we pretended it was all okay
I picked it back up
when you lost my trust
and now ive thrown it all away

You Said
"Fall into me
baby i got you
Fall into me
im never gonna hurt you
i just want you to see
ill catch you if
you'll fall into me"

Stand up beside you
the blade in my hand
kiss your neck so softly
you react like any man
tremble as i kiss you
and as i pull you near
the blade traces your skin
as i whisper in your ear

I said
"Fall into me
Feel how it peirces right through
Fall into me
look what you've made me do
I never ment to hurt you
just tried to make you see
how it feels
to fall into me"

Does this sound fimilar
Baby you can fall into me
Baby i got you
Fall into me
Im never going to hurt you
Fall---into-----me---

You used to write me love songs
They ended up in a tragedy
when you Fall into me.
(http://forum.bandamp.com/Lyrics_Review/14377.html)

This song has great potential. Boost the guitar, make it really shimmering and bright and in your face!

Even with a male singer its ok. But I can see a female singer really boosting the song!

That chorus rocks!

It 's got a great feel, there is so much potentail here with this.

I would simply practice more with it to polish it up, this will help a lot with your timing, the phrasing is quite difficult without drums, mind you can always put some headphones and lpay to a basic drum machine

Nice job

Denis

Nice interpretation of some good lyrics (scary lyrics too in one way!)
Recording quality is not particularly good, but the song is... and has great potential.
I see what Denis is saying about the timing - and in many ways he's quite correct.  But then some of feeling would be lost if you stuck to a strict beat.
This was an enjoyable listen.

man I like this a lot..Very nice feel to it...You have a great knack for song writing..Awesome show!!!

Good job from both you guys!!!!!

You've picked up on a really good lyric, it is a very exciting thriller and twister !
I think you sing beautifully and play a very nice tune, I can hear the jazz style to the way this is done but.....
either I dont think it works or I need to hear this the way you hear it, with a female vocal and full production.
As it is I find it a little unconvincing, it's a really clever lyric and the articulation of it's meaning is important (it's not just a I love you poo! poo! poo! song)  
Yet I do think it could work really well as a jazz style thriller but then it needs to be the proper jazz style thriller version.