Not a final version, but VOTE FOR IT ANYWAY. I realllyyy appreciate feedback.

Yes, I know I was horribly offkey on the intro verse, just keep listening. Try not to cringe too much :P

Verses and bridges: [G D E C]suspended
Chorus: [G Am C D]suspended

Lyrics:

I think I'm on mute today
I try so hard, but I don't know what to say
I found something I wanted
But it looks like something's too far away
Feels like she's in my grasp but I know
this feeling won't last

I think I'm alone today
And it seems to me
That everyone ignores what I say
Just someone by my side
Thats enough for me to be alright, okay

(bridge)
I want someone that can hear
I want a girl that can be sincere
I guess I'll be her guy
I hope I'll get never have to say goodbye

(chorus)
I wonder, what I can be
I wonder, whats in store for me
I'm thinking about how this will end
And I'm wondering how it will start again

(bridge variation)
I want someone that can see
I want a girl that feels like me
I guess I'll be her guy
I hope I'll get never have to say goodbye

(chorus)
(bridge variation)

the guitar is sounding nice.....the voice isn't so great but isn't bad either just keep practicing man....keep up the good work.

I like the lyrics alot...... nice guitar sound and playing... you already hear what you need to fix.....I would continue on with this and redo the vocals .... I saw a thing on tv that said in one session the prodiucer of  (mariah carey's) the cd , has her sing the song 8 times each line  Then they try to get the best one out of those 8 takes...that's after she has worked her a$$ off learning it before hand.

This is such a good song and you played it so well ..imho I think you should work on the vocals more and redo them. 

very good song.

At the moment my sound card kinda died (novice at recording + cheap soundcard = kablooey!)

I'm working with a girl/vocalist and a indie label guy that's helping us for free so pooled together we'lkl have some real nice mixers and 4 or 5 mics and such, so we'll have an albums worth by the end of the summer.

Cheers 

I agree with whats been said before...  Guitar work is showing alot of promise.  The vocals lack confidence and clarity, but that comes with time.  Keep it up, man.

YAY! your guitar playing is WONDERFULL! yay! im so happy i could dance. this is one of my fave songs written by you dont be so shy when you sing alittle more practice on that but it shows promiss, this song is great its so sweet. you did such a great job on this. lyrics kinda remind me of something educated guess wmight wright. good job kid u made me proud

This is an awesome song.Work on the vocals an you have a hit.The lyrics are great!!Gets good vote.

Confidence, son, confidence.

Well written and arranged.

Sing loud like no one's listening.

he said it as good as I could have... sing like
you're in the shower all by yourself... there's
a little lesson I learned as a child and keep
trying to pound into you children's brains!!!
if you sing loud and with confidence!! if
you sing loud enough to hear the mistakes
then you can fix them.... if you don't sing
loud enough, you forget them and when
it comes time to preform then for others,
you make the same mistakes over and over..
 we discussed it in chat, but just to remind
you, that first opening phrase needs a little
work..
 but over all it's killer bro!! great song,
great composition..


Danny - Blueyes

Good voice (good for the emo era anyway  ). Well played, excellent chord structure, melody fits.

Well composed, well played.

Your voice could be louder in the mix and you could sing more confidentley as well.

I really like the guitar and the whole way the song is built up....I could imagine a better voice but musst say there are a few tips that any professional singer would give that can help anybody to sing really great!
you might want to look into something like that!Or ask somebody but simple little things can realy improve your singing!

Thanks for all the feedback guys, I'm getting a resounding "work on vocals"  So that's what I'll be doing!

I looked at the chords and I heard the intro and I thought it was going to be pop. Then you vocals kicked in, and bam there comes the indie DIY.
I love the guitar stopping. I like the phrasing on some of your vocal melodies, they catch you by suprise just like that guitar bite.

As for vocals, they aren't great, but they're not half bad (as mentioned above ;P).

I find my vocal performance goes up when there's people present. God know's why but I feel stupid singing to my self :P. But we all know what we can do, practice :P. After all, singing is about being heard isn't it So make sure we can hear . Goodluck.

Huh, my vocal performance goes down when there are people there, because I'm extra embarresed, haha.

Overall cool song. Nice hooky bridge.

Guitar playing/quality is great.

I like goat's remark about the 8-take vocal recordings. It's a good strategy, and one that I've used more than once...

Looking forward to the final.