#1February 28th, 2006 · 06:33 PM
77 threads / 59 songs
923 posts
Netherlands
Not Finished Yet
*

This song is not in a battle


Prepare!! nothing Pink Floydish, no Rock at all!! 

just something else

well.., the lyrics suck.., but i wanted to help a friend who written it ,and the singing too is quite not yet....bla bla and so on..
I played the spanish guitars and and did the vox(sorry for the bad experiments), all the rest I made with Reason 2.5
It's just in composing fase, a rough demo, but i could use some comment , just can't oversee it now, heard it growing too fast, heard it to much

It's supposed to be R&B-ish, all and all It was fun to do, especially the soloing, just an improvisation in a few takes.

I think it is over compressed somehow somewhere, and some piano notes are late
I guess..:-P

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#2March 1st, 2006 · 12:58 PM
92 threads / 12 songs
906 posts
United States of America
Max- I like this song; it's unique, original, and I think it has possibilities. You have said it's not finished and is intended to be a demo. Also, I know what it's like to be developing a song...playing it over and over, tweaking it...to the point that you become "over saturated" and can no longer hear it objectively. So, I hope it is all right that I give you my subjective impressions. First, the sound is muddy and over compressed like you said. So the sonic elements of this recording lack "sparkle". I really like the slow groove, the laid-back rhythms, the bass lines. I need to tell you the resolution of the chorus gives me a sense of "coitus interruptus". I initially couldn't put my finger on it... so I got my guitar and played along to follow the chords.If I'm not mistaken, the chords for the chorus go: Am-Bflat-Am-Bflat-Am, then the resolution to: F-G-Cm. My suggestion would be to eliminate the last Am and, instead, go directly to F (with a slight pause) then-G-Cm. So the chorus would be Am-Bflat-Am-Bflat, then a solid F with a pause, then G-Cm. I know it may sound trivial, but I'm betting it would sound better. Finally, I believe this song could actually go two ways: 1)- to remain a laid-back soft R&B feel (there was a sixties pop song that had a similar feel...I can't recall the title, but it had a line "how I fell in love with you") or: 2)- you could push it into a more rock-feel, with a B-3 and distorted guitars...I could hear your old band, U-tow doing this...with your former singer belting out the lyrics, in front of a slow, cascading rock grind. Probably not a possibility, but one can imagine, cannot one?
#3March 1st, 2006 · 02:41 PM
189 threads / 27 songs
2,834 posts
Germany
If I wouldnt have known better I'd say this is a song by eric clapton. Great composition and choice of instruments.
#4March 1st, 2006 · 03:04 PM
55 threads / 30 songs
1,558 posts
United Kingdom
Battlecat sort of says it all really, and I agree very much about it being muddy in the mix, but I'll also add my two-penneth worth!
To me the  song sounds as if it could be really good, but  I need more clarity and definition of instruments, and a little more "space" somehow.  Actually, it sounds as if you're trying too hard to put things in there when it just doesn't need it; missing out that last Am on the chorus is one way to do it, but you could also do it by limiting the use of the strings (so just introduce them every now and then), or by changing the rhythm guitar strumming pattern - they're just options, not the definitive answer.  As you point out, you've definitely overdone the compression - and I don't disagree with your comments about the singing!!
But don't lose heart, this could be a really nice song - it's just the choice of backing and post recording production that lets it down I think
#5March 1st, 2006 · 05:49 PM
92 threads / 12 songs
906 posts
United States of America
You know....what Jiminuk said, (about eliminating some elements) also occurred to me as well. (Jim's saying it, confirmed it for me!) I'm actually wondering if this song could benefit from eliminating some of the changes....keeping it simple, (keeping the "groove") could actually  "punch up" this song considerably! Couldn't help but say that.
#6March 1st, 2006 · 06:43 PM
77 threads / 59 songs
923 posts
Netherlands
tnx guys, i knew i could count on you
At the moment I'm afraid you think too much of the song but that is hopefully a momentary stage.
I really need time to get this song out of my head for a while, but for now i already agree with the overproducing thing(Jiminuk), and even the composing thing(battlecat)
First the vox needs a better singer, I'll cut the strings/piano, mix it more decent, we'll see from there.
tnx again
MaxdB
#7March 14th, 2006 · 12:43 PM
121 threads / 56 songs
3,098 posts
Netherlands
I wouldn't call this r n b as such, I can hear the influence, but you can't deny YOU have real talent! So these instrumentals you got in here are totally misplaced for that genre, and open up a cool new sound which is touching world music (cuz of the spanish guitars)

so in the end it's swingy and yes different from the U-tow rock sound duh, but it's too thick a sound to be tinny enough for r n b. it's the drum sounds... and the synth you got in there could have been sampled off a Sisters of Mercy record...

especially the end chord!


so... that for my review.. hope u enjoy
#8June 4th, 2006 · 04:13 AM
10 threads / 10 songs
101 posts
United States of America
Funk-Floydish


Who's doing the singing? Are the words up here and i just missed them?

I had to laugh when I read that you said your lyrics suck. I like guys who are over themselves enough to tell the truth! It's very RARE!

Make the lyrics more legato, the melody blending from one note to the next instead of separate, individual notes. Make sure that the vocals match the chord (this is easier to do on piano, if you can-figure out if you want to sing the root, the third, or the 5th, for example)-some of the vox is flat, and that makes me sad, because I REALLY, really like the tune. My guitarist does that all the time, and it's hardly unknown to me, either.

Another thing I'd like to hear is the pain. I want to know that this is your pain.

Are you serious?! The spanish guitar is a real highlight here! As clean as could be. Sometmes the vocal line doesn't match the chord you're singing, I make this mistake a lot, and so does every guitarist I've ever met. I have to make a conscious effort to be sure that what I want to sing makes sense with what I'm playing.

Love the funk feel a lot!

The vox/lyrics is the weak part here, I think. The words might fit into the song/rhythm better, as if the song was written for the guitars, not the other way...listened to this four times. The vote would be much higher if not for the vocal problems, but I understand that it's new, and I am honored that you brought it to us!

 
Is it possible to hear it w/o vox? Another file maybe? Something about it is distracting...

I don't know where "muddy" was? Vocals? Oh, maybe the "overcompression" explans the excessive sibilants (the s sound is too obvious). Other then that, I could hear every piece of every instrument, which is all I ever ask for...

Yeah, you could go crunchy guitars here...the "sabbath, bloody sabbath" thing...
#9June 4th, 2006 · 06:28 AM
77 threads / 59 songs
923 posts
Netherlands
lyrics aren't mine( i told the writer what i think of them too), but singing is mine and that sucks too, i know

just couldn't catch the right tune

there's a new mix of this song with the name

          Cant u C   (http://forum.bandamp.com/Audio_Review/2643.html)

got still the same singin though

so in time i will delete this one, i know the issues by now

tnx all anyway!
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