i took the thoughts from you and some of my own and re wrote these. after reading it today i thought it didnt fit well so now it jingles a bit better i guess. still not done and still looking for more critts on these thanks you guys it really means alot.. also ive decided that im going to make this a track between the band amp comunity. hopefully i'll be able to sucket my teacher into letting use his recoding studio in his back office at school. if any of you would like to help please let me know, i know that PX and marino are going to help. so just let me know k?
thanks you guys
paperdoll



(chorus)
Arial came home today
From the hospital
She’s been there since last may
Doctors said she was fine
The injuries come from outside play
The bruises are natural

Arial came home today
People smiled warmly
They did not see her look of betray
As she went in to lie down
As cover the bruises with Mary-Kay
Her mother looked in on her

(verse)
Arial covered black with white lace
Blue tights and Mary Jane’s
She smeared makeup on her face
Hoping no one could tell
Poor little angel falling from grace
Arial, Arial, Arial

Arial has an imaginary place
Where fairytales come alive
She sleeps in a glass case
Waiting for her prince to arrive
And save her from this place
Arial Arial Arial

(bridge)
There’s a cry at midnight
But every ones turned out the lights

“What’s that noise?”

“Just go to sleep”

In the morning all is lost
The sun won’t shine for a while
It seems that playing deaf has a cost

(2nd chorus)
Arial didn’t come home today
There’s a stone cross where she should be
Now all the Doctors agree
The injury didn’t come from outside
The bruises are natural

Arial didn’t come home today
People frowned grimly
They hadn’t seen her look of betray
And now that she’s laid down
Every one looks around in dismay
Dirt covers the bruises
Of an angel fallen from grace

So whats the gen with the collab then? You don't seam to have had a response here! 
It's looking good, but you have done it again though  !
"As cover the bruises with Mary-Kay", shouldn't that be 'As she.....'?
I take it you posted this in 'the Pit' to start a collab!

well yeah too bad you killed the other thread, I see there's a duplicate in the Lyrics Review, but I only responded to the one here, in The Pit.

Anyway, sure it still stands, I offer my aid in making this a rounded whole, in any which way possible - and I hope others will join in. So those who will please reply to this thread, and we can organise something solid!

PS as far as the lyrics go - it really depends on what the music will be like before they can take their final shape... that's only natural - the basis is there, at this point giving them their final shape the least of our concerns!