#1March 20th, 2008 · 02:42 AM
40 threads
165 posts
United States of America
love laced heaven...(the city of the damned)
my faults are perfected.
my perfections are revered
sanity is uncertain
insanity seems so clear
my mind wonders if what is real
is for sure

lost in an illusion
caught up in between
affection is a hate
a wrapped up fancy

Is this a love laced heaven
or the city of the damned
Are we confessing to God
or dancing in his left hand


born with innocence
die with sin
you forget
that you're not forgiven
when you dance between the devils fingers
it is only then
when the fire starts to burn
that you realize

you live a love laced heaven
surrounded by the damned
you dont confess to God
but dance into his left hand

illusions and fantasies
play out in your dreams
your mind is cluttered clean.

chorus

i will never loose myself
the way you lost you
Never to dance in the fire
amazed at its fake beauty.



******** okay so its weird its just a concept i had..kinda freaked myself out, keep me posted with comments. I think i might have something just need some direction!
XOXOXO
SaraH*()*
#2March 21st, 2008 · 04:44 PM
115 threads / 18 songs
1,414 posts
United States of America
interesting for sure!  I feel so bad when lyric posts go completely uncommented-on, and the guilt just snags me into coming in a reviewing lyrics   As usual, you're the lucky one at the top of the list!  congrats.  I'd buy you something, but I don't know where you live :P haha..

As I read the first stanza, I felt like the "what is real is what's for sure" line should have a larger emphasis in the song... as in... another repetition someplace.  Then as I read on, it was clear that the main idea that was chosen for the chorus was the "confessing to God" vs "dancing in His left hand".  I liked it when I read it, as an interestingly depressing statement.  Sometimes we just feel like that!

As you went on, the lines about "born with innocence / die with sin / you forget / that you're not forgiven", I was afraid that you were going to go through the rest of the song as a "we're all damned and God is a fake blah blah moo moo", but (conceptually) I liked the way that you ended the song, about how "i will never lose myself / the way [that] you lost you".  It was a nice flip of perspective.

As I just said, I liked the ending conceptually, however it was a little clunky for its actual wording.  You're not following a strict rhyming pattern, so you've got some liberty, but maybe if you could match up some of the syllable counts or something... that might help make it flow better...?  Right now it's in a 7/5/(7~8)/7.  Hmm... thinking... thinking...   ... ... (loading... please wait... hahaha), maybe it's the word "fake"..the rest flows pretty well, but for whatever reason, the transition out of the "k" sound into the "b" just clings to the tongue funny.  that, and it's 3 1-syllable words in a row.

Who knows.. maybe when sung, it'd sound great.  Hard to say from this chair in a university computer lab :P   If I decided to change that last line, I'd probably look for a more sophisticated synonym for "fake".  I'd shoot for a 2 syllable word.

*shrugs*

Best of luck
Tim
#3March 24th, 2008 · 09:44 AM
40 threads
165 posts
United States of America
thanks!
thanks for your input! I really do appreciate it. I was flooded in when i wrote this i was kinda depressed.
thanks!
~Sarah
#4March 24th, 2008 · 11:05 AM
115 threads / 18 songs
1,414 posts
United States of America
yeh, i read the blog--- is everything cool now?
#5April 16th, 2008 · 02:32 PM
40 threads
165 posts
United States of America
yup!
yea the water has gone down and i got to go home 2 last...i like city life but my little country home just suits me for now.
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