#1March 1st, 2008 · 03:38 PM
3 threads
6 posts
United States of America
HELPLESS
I’m not your hero
I’m not your savior or your friend
I might have helped you
But I’m just a loner IN THE END…

Oh……..

Love is forsaken
So just forget about the past
You’re heart has been taken
I knew that our love could NEVER LAST

YOUR FACE WON’T FADE!!!
THIS PAIN WON’T GO AWAY!!!
I’M NOT HELPLESS!!!
BUT I AM AFRAID!!!
Of losing it all today…

Fuck gravity…
It can’t keep me down
I’ll just close my eyes
And I WON’T HEAR A SOUND

I can’t forget you
But I know I can lie
Maybe someday you’ll go away
Maybe someday YOU’LL JUST DIE!!!

(your face, your face)
YOUR FACE WON’T FADE!!!
(this pain, this pain)
THIS PAIN WON’T GO AWAY!!!
I’M NOT HELPLESS!!!
BUT I AM AFRAID!!!
OF LOSING IT ALL TODAY!!!

JUST FADE!!!

YOUR FACE WON’T FADE!!!
THIS PAIN WON’T GO AWAY!!!
I’M NOT HELPLESS!!!
BUT I AM AFRAID!!!
Of losing it all today…
#2March 1st, 2008 · 05:26 PM
31 threads / 19 songs
612 posts
Canada
I'm a bit confused by this...what I get from it is you can't get this person out of your mind but they've  hurt you . You don't need her in your life to be able to live life it self but your afraid to do so..... or is the fear that you will lose it as in snap and end her because you can't be with her? SO yeah, you say you cant forget but you can fake it, your not helpless but your afraid of losing it all. Maybe they  go away maybe die. I would just like to know what the afraid of losing it all means because the rest sounds like you can deal with the pain and get through but then it's like your afraid to deal with it and can't live without them. This post is confusing me even more...LMAO..I hope you get what I'm trying to say...Had a few beers today at the bar watching a buddies gig.
#3March 2nd, 2008 · 12:56 PM
3 threads
6 posts
United States of America
This was taken from a personal experience with my last boyfriend. What it's about is losing him/her and be able to live without him/her, but feeling the pain in whatever you do. No matter what, the pain is always there, and even though you would love to be able to make the pain and memories go away, somehow you want to keep grasping onto it. Every day I put a fake smile on my face, because even though he hurt me, I still love and need him, and frankly without him I can't be happy. I fake it anyways, so that no one else is affected by my pain. Really, that's all it's about. Sometimes I think it would be better if I forgot him (that's what I'm talking about when I'm talking about him dying, as in he's no longer the life and forefront of my thoughts), but at the same time I don't want to lose the happy memories and dreams that I have of him.

I'm not helpless, I can take care of myself, but I'm afraid someday I'm going to forget him and then lose everything that means happiness to me. It's a bit complicated, but I hope that clears things up for you! ^_^
#4March 7th, 2008 · 01:50 PM
115 threads / 18 songs
1,414 posts
United States of America
An interesting topic, considering BasketCase's post and your reply to it.  I think the idea that you have (the theme that drives this song) is stronger than the lyrics itself, by the simple fact that the words are vague enough that it takes explanation of what they mean before a person can approach them properly.  After reading your above reply, it's quite clear what the lyrics mean.  Right at first though, I was feeling like the song was pretty generic... as if it were written in a rush, using only a single driving emotion.  (A single driving emotion can work out just fine, but there are certain emotions that feel cliché due to their frequent use, like anger, love, or "independance" (mostly a feminine theme, since a woman more triumphantly breaks free from a man than vice versa.   it can happen... but... that's not the topic I'm trying to write about :P )

Anway, that's all just a fuzzy attempt to say that I think the lyrics themselves could be made more direct.  Saying that you want him to die (figuratively or in reality, doesn't matter, I guess) is nice and direct ( ) but the theme is what's indirect... What you want out of the situation, rather than just what you don't want.

(quick illustration---  what you don't want: the pain, his face, your love, the sounds around you, gravity ( ), while you do want: things to work out despite all difficulty, to keep what you've got instead of falling flat on your face by the very gravity that you want to ignore, and to be happy.  I'm just drawing these lists up from the basic understanding I have of the song.  You might have more / want things to be removed from one list or the other, but that illustrates the exact need to clarify the lyrics, to better project in an unmistakable display of array of lights and feelings what you feel.  The only reason I had more than one thing to put in the "want" list is because of your reply just above.)

Mmm... wish I had a melody to work with.  Despite what I've just said about everything, a melody can right a lots of "wrongs" (or at least "inconsistencies" if not "wrongs").  Oh well.  I don't have one, else this would be in the Audio forum and not the Lyrics one :P

I'm not really a fan of swearing in songs (it's kind of the easy way out, when it comes to displaying emotion...), but that's alright.  I can accept it as your work, and not my own!

TLS's tangent about swearing in songs wrote…
Really... the reason why I don't like it is because, as I said just above, it's kind of the easy way out of writing with words that provoke emotion.  Sure, dropping a swear word can invoke some pretty rough emotions, but it's not the same as really digging down into the root of that feeling and making the listener (or reader) really feel what you feel.  When we drop F-bombs and or words, you only really make the reader hear you say "fuck gravity" rather than saying why you'd like to "fuck gravity".  I'm not sure if that's clear....

It's like the difference between a sad sappy song versus a sad-sounding guitar melody put to someone just crying.  (In the comparison, swearing is like the crying, whereas finding a way to write the words without swearing is like writing a sad song, but without actually crying in order to express it.)  People can hear the crying just fine if a person were to record him/herself crying, but that all by itself isn't enough to tap into the listener's brain to tell them why the songwriter is just crying into an armed microphone!

When the songwriter uses actual words to express the utter and desperate sadness that they feel, they can make the listener understand the emotion rather than just hear the stifled sniffs of a sad person.  If the songwriter does his/her job to the 100% best of their ability, they can actually make the listener do the crying while the songwriter just sings the words.  The words can cause the intended emotion.  So really, there's no need for the songwriter to cry into the mic, since if they do their job the way they really want to, then their song should make the listener feel that sadness all by themselves.

This applies to the swearing in this way:  If a songwriter can properly write their lyrics and sing them passionately enough, the listener should want to hate the person that the song is about, and the songwriter should never even have to swear!  The well-written song should make the listener swear all by themselves!

Anyway... that's all I have to say about that :P

we now return you to your regularly scheduled program....

I'm willing to say that "helpless" and "afraid to lose it all" are NOT synonyms (which is exactly what I think your song is saying in the chorus).  I think that a specific way to improve the lyrics is to help illustrate to the listener a little more what those differences are.  Don't do it with definitions, though... use examples or something.  Paint a scene.  Show the listener first-hand that you're not helpless, and then show the listener what you're willing to do to not "lose it all".  It's your story, so I can't just tell you what sort of pictures to paint... Bare in mind though that your music for the song can also help you paint this picture... the tone... the key... the rhythm, the speed.... each of those elements can change in the middle of the song to help contrast two pictures that you're trying to paint.

Now, every nice heavy song with screaming should have some catchy part to it (usually involving the screaming, since that's such an extreme that it captures attention by default).  Your chorus could easily be something very very catchy that the song could use as an outro-ish thing.  You've already got it set up to do such a thing, which is great.  The "(your face, your face)" and "(this pain, this pain)" parts are a perfect start for such an extra-energized screaming match with yourself, if you wanted to do it that way.  Then, you've got your break where you scream "JUST FADE!!!" before going back into the chorus.  (Specifically, I'm imagining something similar to Linkin Park's "Figure.08" song from their Meteora CD.  Whether you like them or not (i'm not so much a fan anymore) you could check out the song.  The bridge of the song is a perfect example of this yelling-match idea.  It's almost exactly the same as their older song "By Myself" from Hybrid Theory or "By_myslf" from Reanimation)

In the end (sorry to go all cliché-like on that Linkin Park note) you've got some good material to write a song that confuses the crap out of the listener, while at the same time, making them feel like they wanna hit something to get the frustration out of them.  In essence, you're trying to make them feel the way you feel.  The trick is always coming up with ways to get your point across without just blandly stating "i hate this person".

I could maybe write some more about this one, but I've got a programming class in 10 minutes   Gotta run!  Best of luck on these songs.  I'll try to review that last lyric post of yours, but I can't be sure about when.... I'm in Canada all next week, and I'll be on the move a lot, without a computer.  I'll see if I can sneak in a review though :P

Until next time
#5March 7th, 2008 · 04:33 PM
3 threads
6 posts
United States of America
Thank you very much for your imput. It's so hard not to see the point in the songs I write because I already know the emotions and reasonings behind them. I'm only 17 therefore I'm not the most experienced songwriter or anything, but I do plan to so something with it in the future.

Linkin Park cliches are okay because LP is one of my fav. bands. Really, truth be told this was actually really random. I was on DeviantArt when the lyrics started going through my head. I just wrote down what was in my head at the time. Someday I'm going to find away to take pictures or videos from my mind and record them and make a study out of the things that go through my head...
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