#1July 10th, 2007 · 04:11 PM
48 threads / 7 songs
429 posts
United States of America
Pain releiver
ment to be an aacustic slow song, kinda like an edgucated guess song
so eh here you go, remarks commetns would be aprechieated thanks


She stared at the bottle marked
Pain reliever
And at the label that read
Take one pill every hour
While symptoms persist
The smallest dose should be used
To relive yourself of the pain
She gave smile at the bottle
And then she downed all of em

Take one
For her heart ach
Take two
For the wrong she has done
Take three
To help get rid of all the shakes
Take four
To help her soul be repaired
Take five
To get rid of all the lies
Take six
Because she knows that shes sick

She stared at the bottle marked
Pain reliever
And wondered when it would kick in
She loves her family
And all her friends
But for some reason
She just can’t requirement
The reason she can’t love herself
She doesn’t know why she has to make a mess
Of everything shes got
And why she has to destroy the bliss
And all ther peacefull thoughts

She isn’t good at any thing
She’s only around because people want her there
She cant leave her mother in dispare
If it wernt for the family that seemed to love her so much
She be gone in a blink
She’d be gone in the smoke

She wonders what hevens like
And if she’ll even make it there
She knows she a cowered
And shes a little scared
She cant feel her legs
And her visions all blurry
But now she doesn’t have to worry
Because it will be all right
It will be all right
Tonight

Take one
For her heart ach
Take two
For the wrong she has done
Take three
To help get rid of all the shakes
Take four
To help her soul be repaired
Take five
To get rid of all the lies
Take six
Because she knows that shes sick

They think she lives a perfect life
And she knows that its all right
Nothing truly under her skin
But for some reason the lines just wont blend
And she knows that she screwed up time and time again
But this last time she hurt an angel
And she wont let it happen again
She wont rip off the wings and burry it
She wont try to mend all the breaking shes done
But she just cant live now that she knows
She rotten to the core and now she cant live any more

There’s so many out there better than her
So why do they die when she’s still alive
And why does she get the gift so many would want
When she cant see the silver lining
That’s lying
Over the edge of a dream that’s gone
She cant be left again
Shes been hurt to many times before
And now that the angels out the door
She cant let herself be left alone
Not again
Not in the end
Call her selfish
Call her cowardly
Call her any thing
And every thing

But don’t call her a pain reliever
#2July 10th, 2007 · 04:17 PM
64 threads / 13 songs
669 posts
United States of America
The chorus with the "take 1" etc. is a little cheesy--reminded me of SNL's Dick In A Box.  The second last verse uses the word "but" too many times, as well as extra indefinite articles that waffle your meaning.

Apart from those minor nags, the song carries a nice feeling.  I particularly like: "Shes been hurt to many times before  And now that the angels out the door  She cant let herself be left alone".

On the second line of that set of lyrics, the word "that" adds an extra useless syllable...when I sing it to myself I omit it and sing "and now THE angel's out the door".  There are several other instances where this would give the song better rhythmic flow.

Great job though.  You're beginning to get the sort of vibe and flow from your lyrics I don't see in mainstream music today--good stuff.
#3July 10th, 2007 · 05:33 PM
37 threads / 19 songs
618 posts
United States of America
Life Subjects
life subjects are always the best when
writing lyrics..  this one is no exception!


blessings,

Blue
#4July 10th, 2007 · 06:04 PM
340 threads / 59 songs
4,344 posts
United Kingdom
As a song I think this might work , done by a certain kind of character, one who can convey an immense amount of pain !
There was talk of videos being done, this would make an excellent video, it would have to lyrically  'flow' better as Avi puts it, but it would be an interesting subject to work with.

I must disagree completely with Avi about the chorus, the more I think of it the better it gets !
It all depends on how it's done, slow, moody and deliberate would set the scene.
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