#1June 23rd, 2007 · 02:10 AM
24 threads
319 posts
Malaysia
Feels Like November
more towards poetry than song, and still raw... feel free to give comments or suggestions.

A thousand excuses dig into my skin,
crawling its way through open sores,
and though I’ve seen it all before,
I let them fade into myself hoping it will light up my life, inside out, once again.
“Don’t ever fall victim to these thousand parasites, ever, they’re just waiting to take over,” the voice once said.
But I simply ignored this advice…again.

Cuz I’ve been waiting till I had no memories of a smile…
And I gave up after awhile…

The stars reminded me of the shared sky,
but the moon made me feel alone,
cuz nobody ever called my phone,
so I let the rain fall hoping it will wash away myself, forever gone, once again.
“Don’t ever fall victim to the melancholic rain, ever, they’re just waiting to wash over,” the same voice said.
But I simply ignored this advice…again.

Cuz I’ve been waiting till I had no memories of a smile…
And I gave up after awhile…

It’s still June but it feels like November
Feels like November

Cuz I’ve been waiting till I had no memories of a smile…
And I gave up after awhile…
Cuz I’ve been waiting till I had no memories of a smile…
And I gave up after awhile…
#2July 2nd, 2007 · 08:39 AM
24 threads
319 posts
Malaysia
and i'm, still waiting
#3July 3rd, 2007 · 10:59 PM
128 threads / 44 songs
2,814 posts
Puerto Rico
Very deep in the beginning I felt the profound loneliness and intensity of the wording until I got to the Cuz word.In my opinion if it is more a poem than a song you're not bounded and thus can properly flourish the wording.But thats also a matter of taste.It just seems the words carry lots of depth that to put such a common word in there takes away from the seriousness in the narrative.I also feel its incomplete because the lack of how or why your feelings relate to November.Is it the cold ,the death of of trees, what are you assimilating in your feelings.I can assume but the poem is not letting me know how to relate.
Very good stuff thought
#4July 4th, 2007 · 02:08 AM
24 threads
319 posts
Malaysia
thanks
yeah...i noticed the 'cuz too. i guess that's just the way it came in my head, but when written down it doesnt carry off as well.

as for the november part, i'm still wondering about it. i guess i should elaborate further, but what i guess i've been trying to do was to not over-write, but maybe in this case a bit of that is ok.

again, thanks for the comment and suggestions, i'll definitely put some thought into it.
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