#1June 20th, 2007 · 10:09 PM
26 threads
24 posts
United States of America
Death(not sure about this title)
Not finished, I basically couldn't write it cause I started breaking down.yah, long story. not a happy ending.
I have a chorus ready but you know... couldn't find it. This is the first verse

With every breath you took
Your whole body shook
And you closed your eyes
As you silently screamed inside
And you tried to grab everything
Trying to find something comforting
And as I held your hand and held back a tear
I couldn't restrain my biggest fear
#2June 21st, 2007 · 04:30 PM
340 threads / 59 songs
4,344 posts
United Kingdom
It's very touching as it is.
Trying to 'extend' it might find it or louse it!!
As I read it I feel that maybe 'anything' would fit instead of 'everything', it sounds more dramatic and follows with 'something'!
The last line is wonderful (poetically), it sets the scene, it expresses your feelings and it seals the piece.
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