#1June 8th, 2007 · 02:31 PM
9 threads
75 posts
United States of America
Thousand Pieces
Take me
Break Me
Into a thousand pieces
Look at me
See me
For what i am inside ( what i am inside)
WHAT AM I INSIDE???!!!! 
     
I'm shattered and broken left here to die
Crying from pain
I'm empty inside
Hear this voice LISTEN TO ME
While you're holding me down
Can't you see???
That you're the one inside of me


Hatred and Love
Building up in my eyes
The tears fall and I scream
But no one hears my cries ( No one hears my cries)
SOMEBODY HEAR MY CRIES!!!!

-chorus-

Listen to me
while I say goodbye
as you walk away and leave me to die......

Chorus

Hear me cry.........

Lemme kno what the word be!...........
#2June 8th, 2007 · 05:06 PM
50 threads
259 posts
United States of America
Nice!!
ok well I reall like the way you did
this song. It has very good emotion
and I can feel how you feel through
this song!!! In a world like ours we need
more writers who can get a message past
and I think you have clearly done
this. Great song I give 85%
#3June 8th, 2007 · 06:34 PM
340 threads / 59 songs
4,344 posts
United Kingdom
I really loved this up until the last verse, it feels like you've rushed it, it's not as simply clever and flowing as the rest!
As I said I really liked the first part, I really felt it as a song.
Yes, the way you convey the emotion makes for good reading, and better listening I hope!
#4June 8th, 2007 · 09:53 PM
11 threads / 5 songs
56 posts
United States of America
kings wrote…
I really loved this up until the last verse, it feels like you've rushed it, it's not as simply clever and flowing as the rest!
As I said I really liked the first part, I really felt it as a song.
Yes, the way you convey the emotion makes for good reading, and better listening I hope!

I completely agree with Kings--I loved the song up 'till the end and I felt you rushed it....a suggestion with the last verse--maintain a similar rhyme pattern to the rest of the song--it would help maintain the flow!
#5June 9th, 2007 · 06:07 PM
23 threads / 2 songs
45 posts
United States of America
Thats what i have been talkin about. Text me sumtime. U have 2 do it on my other fone tho. the 1 i call on. u know the number
#6June 9th, 2007 · 09:11 PM
9 threads
75 posts
United States of America
Yes!
I was in a hurry when i wrote the last part.... I re-thought it and you're right it didn't go with it so i just switched it up and ended it with something simple... lemme know what you think about that!

As always thanks for the comments and i appriciate the objective opinions to!
LoVe and MuSiC,
xXxsaharaxXx
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