Just finished it this very instant, while on chat. There's numerous inspirations in here, coming together to form something quite unique (I believe). JBP's forum on smoking at school kick started my mind about the lyrics, Bloc Party's I Still Remember (only song of theirs I've heard) has the change of chords constantly for a bar or so, followed by a single chord strumming throughout the rest, kind of like a stop start momentum, and thirdly, Heavens' Patent Pending, with the verses having a phrase similar to a limerick, of which I applied to my chorus.
Also, I think the layout and overall sound of this is probably the best I've written, the bridge slides in so well with the rest of it, and climaxes at just the right moment (my opinion).

Smoke
My heart's stone cold,
My lungs are gone,
My liver's failed,
Because my body's a chemical plant,
My teeth are black,
My skin is white,
My throat is rotting,
Chorus: (direct from verse)
The smoke will claim me through the night,
Surely I'll be alright,
But there's little doubt, that I'm over and out,
And I'm gonna lose the fight,
To the smoke,

My heart's on fire,
My one desire,
I can't go on,
Because me body's burning out,
I can't go on,
My spirit's failed,
I'm dead inside,
Chorus

Bridge:
No one's gonna save me from the smoke,
No one's gonna know,
No one's gonna save me when I choke,
From the torn up breath of my own,
No one's gonna save me from the smoke,
No one's gonna know,
No one's gonna save me when I choke,
Save me from the smoke,

My heart's stone cold,
My lungs are gone,
My liver's failed,
Because my body's a chemical plant,
My teeth are black,
My skin is white,
My throat is rotting,
Chorus

And there it is, a work of two days. Hope some of you smokers don't get antsy about this, the darker side of smoke.
Oh, also, I forgot to mention, more inspiration for the song, there's a song called Smoke by Alkaline Trio, same topic, but I think it was less blunt, and another song called Smoke, by Eskimo Joe, wasn't very good so I wanted to write something more like this.

Once again, a reminder to comment, all appreciations.

Cheers

WB

Yeah man! Makes me feel guilty....

Alright man you got me Ill stop smoking even thought I dont smoke
Cheers


Great message WB!

Your writing is getting so much better...
are you going to try to get some music add to this
with your Guitar...or perhaps..some piano

Flyer

Thanks guys, mindsatplay, marino.

Flyer- I'm writing this out in fruity loops, almost done, I've got the lead on a strange flange guitar sound that sounds pretty good, but I have thought a piano with this would sound really nice. Hopefully I can have it up today (with a flute sound or something of the sort substituting the vocals) and maybe see if anyone (maybe you!) would like to collab adding vocals.

Cheers

WB

WB
I would like to give it a shot at doing the vocals..Sure
Just give me a few days..The shelf is full right now
But, for sure Ill give it a go
I'm Downloading the song


Flyer

is this song about weed?

From briefly reading it--sounded a lot like "Your beautiful" by James Blunt at certain points--but nice.

Well, generally anything you stick in your mouth and light up, primarily cigarettes.

James Blunt, lol, I was about to say he's a bit too poppy for my taste, but then again, my music sounds a bit poppy with the synth and piano. Thanks for the comments.

Flyer, thanks buddy, can't wait (but I will).

Always nice hearing from you guys.

Cheers

WB

Hey man I smoke and I love this one.