#1March 19th, 2007 · 03:06 AM
97 threads / 43 songs
500 posts
Australia
A Minor Euphoria
Rebuffed from the "Three Unfinished Songs" thread, hope you like how it panned out.

A Minor Euphoria

I'm buckled from this ever growing weight,
But I won't accept my fate,
I'm all alone, I'm so depressed,
But I'll always try my best,
Don't hold me back, don't hold me down,
Or I'll be here to watch you drown,
I'm fighting now, I'm fighting still,
Push the limit of my skill

Chorus:
I'm drowning now, thanks to eu-phor-i-a
I'm falling down, drunk with eu-phor-i-a
I'm safe and sound, here I rest upon the ground,
I will go without a sound, with a minor euphoria,

My adolescence is growing thin,
I came outside can't get back in,
I stole away, without regret,
Now I doubt I will forget,
And I lay here broken, like the porcelain,
I cannot be this whole again,
With my soul in shatters, and this lonely song,
Sometimes it's hard to say you're wrong,

Chorus

I'm shining through, a reproachful past,
I hope it ain't too good to last,
This minor outcry, for a little bliss,
Will never meet the angel's kiss,
So far from life, your faltered faith,
Is not enough to keep us safe,
When all is lost, and the life outgrown,
You're too afraid to die alone,

Bridge:
I'm not gonna play your games of life,
I'm not gonna trade your day for night,
I'm not gonna go,
I'm not gonna stay for the show,
X2
Chorus

The bridge is the same chord progression as the verse, but the vocals have a slower rhythm, dare I use the term?... Augmented. Also, intro, outro and peppered inbetween verses and choruses here and there is a little A minor/A diminished riff... sounds pretty cool, ties it together well.

Anyways, I'd like to know what you think of the words.

Cheers!

WB
#2March 24th, 2007 · 08:41 PM
11 threads / 5 songs
56 posts
United States of America
I like the idea of the song, and it has some good parts, but it doesn't seem to reach the momentum it can go to. For instance, this chorus, I really like:

[I'm shining through, a reproachful past,
I hope it ain't too good to last,
This minor outcry, for a little bliss,
Will never meet the angel's kiss,
So far from life, your faltered faith,
Is not enough to keep us safe,
When all is lost, and the life outgrown,
You're too afraid to die alone.

But the momentum could start shifting after
Is not enough to keep us safe

I think a nice build up could go after that, just an idea though.



And I lay here broken, like the porcelain

With my soul in shatters, and this lonely song

It has a nice melody but needs a climax, and some type of a transition, it has the same melody throughout the entire song--and sounds somewhat robotic on some parts, I'm not trying to insult you in any way, I'm merely saying, that it could use some change in the chorus. I liked it though, keep it up!
#3March 24th, 2007 · 09:41 PM
340 threads / 59 songs
4,344 posts
United Kingdom
'You took the words right out of my mouth'
I'm not so sure about the kissing bit though! lol

What I mean is that I have that last Verse on my clipboard ready to paste, and then I see that you have already gone and quoted it Danzidell!!! 

Where the fuck did that last verse come from WB, it's made in heaven!  totally awesome!

The rest is very good, just not as impressive as the last. Was this one of your 'loads of words' moments? lol

I think "Push the limit of my will" would work better, it would 'soften' the sentence yet strengthen the 'range' and meaning! Euphoria is an 'inner' emotion and it is about the 'fight' is it not?

How about :
"And I lay here broken, like the porcelain,
Could I ever be, whole again,   (Because you are already 'broken!)
With my shattered soul, and this lonely song, (cliches are good!!)
All I've got is this rock to stand on!" (I'm just going off on what Danzidell was saying about kicking in on this one!)

You know there is a BIG difference between the first parts and that last verse???  
#4March 24th, 2007 · 11:39 PM
97 threads / 43 songs
500 posts
Australia
Thanks for the comments. I like your ideas.
Danzidell-
The chorus you mentioned is the verse  but it reaches a climax in the bridge, with vocals stretched out along the line of the verse, but I see what you mean, in terms of a transition, in a more lyrical sense.

Kings-
Like your contributions, yes, will would probably suit better. Also the "porcelain" part- sounds nice, just the last line... I'm thinking, to tie that into the " broken" theme... maybe "These shards of heart are all thats left to stand on". It's a longer phrase, ties into the rest of the verse, while giving a break of phrase to the song, acting as a small climax to lead into the chorus.

Thanks guys, appreciate the comments/contributions.

WB
#5April 4th, 2007 · 04:47 PM
50 threads
259 posts
United States of America
hey man writers block i love your stuff!!!! its really cool i looked up the word euphoria and it says its a drug induced feeling of happieness!!!! i love it                   
#6April 4th, 2007 · 10:19 PM
97 threads / 43 songs
500 posts
Australia
silentslaughter
Hey man, so glad you like it.

I forgot to mention this, but the song's title has a double meaning, as it's read, the minor euphoria, and "A minor" as in the chord, as probably 9/10 of my songs contain the A minor chord, however, recent changes may be changed to some older songs, as I tuned my guitar down a semitone and it sounded so sweet.
Also, the first line of the chorus, the "eu" in euphoria is phrased to sound "I'm drowning now thanks to you..."

Just thought you might like to know that.

Thanks for commenting, love it... keeps me writing.

Cheers

WB
#7April 5th, 2007 · 05:19 PM
340 threads / 59 songs
4,344 posts
United Kingdom
WB wrote…
Thanks for commenting, love it... keeps me writing.
Yea! And us to!      
#8April 6th, 2007 · 10:58 PM
97 threads / 43 songs
500 posts
Australia
kings wrote…
WB wrote…
Thanks for commenting, love it... keeps me writing.
Yea! And us to!       :evil:

Oh! Of course, you most of all. 
#9April 7th, 2007 · 05:37 PM
50 threads
259 posts
United States of America
Dude you are so much inspiration to me my favorite par is

"I'm fighting now, I'm fighting still,
Push the limit of my skill"

I can totally relate! thanks for your contribution to keep the world orignal!
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