#1December 19th, 2007 · 01:49 AM
30 threads
169 posts
United States of America
INVISIBLE
INTRO
Baby,, do you remember
All the things you said to me
What was that word you used?

Looking in my eyes you said
There was nothing you could see

You said, "Invisible . . ."

CHORUS
Over and over
Like water pouring from the skies unseen
While I held you, and kissed you once again
Did you think your words could wash us clean?

VERSE
You tore me up, were you trying
To push me down so you could see
Past the obstruction I've become
To your private agony?

In that place down inside
Where you endure all your sorrows
You know I'd share them all with you
I'd lay them bare for you to see
That it's not me you're looking through

When they're invisible

Over and over
Like water pouring from the skies unseen
While I held you, and kissed you once again
Did you think your words could wash us clean?

Baby, you know all my secrets
Should I have shared them all with you?
You turned them into weapons . . .
And shot me thru

Then you sent me away
Into the cold arms of darkness
And she embraced me as her own
Will I be the last to taste your tears?
Is love so hard for you to hold?

When it's invisible

Over and over
Like water pouring from the skies unseen
While I held you, and kissed you once again
Did you think your words could wash us clean?

OUTRO
You said invisible
Over and over
You said invisible

Love is invisible


-Norman Maser 12/18/2007
#2December 20th, 2007 · 09:58 AM
21 threads
235 posts
United Kingdom
I read shipwrecked and would have commented but I think TLS gave much better advice than I could ever have.
But I'll try with this one anyway (though I'm sure he'll read these at some point and his advice will eclipse mine tenfold ).

As I read "and shot me through" it came out as "and then you shot me through" but now I'm thinking "With which you shot me through"...sorry, I'm getting into a habit of writing lines for people at the moment.

...other than that I think you've nailed it here. Though I really liked the idea of more than one "central" theme/idea. It made it interesting. But then again, perhaps long winded, messy and/or confusing so I understand why you've gone down this route.

I'd do what your doing now with splitting the songs up but still consider the option of perhaps merging them once you've settled on structure. Once you've done that (got the individual ideas in a firm structure) it'd be easier to mix them in to each other again and could end up being a really epic (not in a cheesy way) song with a lot of strong imagery.

But you might not like that idea...
#3December 20th, 2007 · 04:24 PM
8 threads
34 posts
United Kingdom
Is it acoustic?
#4December 21st, 2007 · 02:11 AM
30 threads
169 posts
United States of America
acoustic?
I dunno yet. Could be anything from a piano standard to a rock ballad to something harder. Does it suggest acoustic guitars to you?
#5December 21st, 2007 · 05:10 AM
8 threads
34 posts
United Kingdom
I don't know
Bit of both maybe?
Maybe do the intro acoustic
and when the chorus comes then go
There's only 3 of us in my band, Clairvoyance, the name is the only thing we've achieved! I write songs but can never think of any lyrics to go...or any music to go with my lyrics, and my drummer, Karl, can never practise which is a pain in the arse! We're not that good though, me and Conor, who plays bass, have been learning to play guitar for almost a year now. He never plays much but I always do! I'm not kicking him out because it was his idea to start the band and I'm not kicking Karl out because, well, he looks like Dave Grohl!
#6January 5th, 2008 · 12:50 AM
30 threads
169 posts
United States of America
Rewrite
I just did a major rewrite on this. Comments?
Sorry, you do not have access to post...
Wanna post? Join Today!

Server Time: September 27th, 2020 · 6:22 AM
© 2002-2012 BandAMP. All Rights Reserved.