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#1December 18th, 2007 · 02:36 AM
27 threads / 2 songs
179 posts
Canada
Paper plane
*Edited* Ralph was in mind when I wrote this one.

It was late nineteen fourtytwo
I was a boy of nearly eight
Outside waiting, nothing to do
The sun setting its getting late

My daddy will be coming home soon      
My daddy will come home soon  

I gathered  up my paper plane                     
Mother calls me in from outside         
As I  run down the country lane                 
She's a letter clenched by her side            

And she has wiped her tears away                      
But her swollen eyes cant hide                        
All the pain she bears on this day                        
Of a truth she must confide                             

Your daddy's not coming home son            
Your daddy died last night                           
Your daddy's not coming home son            
Your daddy died last night                           

And I grabbed the crumpled letter                       
I knew that it couldn't be true                             
But not knowing any better                               
And not knowing what to do                               

I yelled and screamed and I cried some         
When is my daddy coming home                     
Did my dad stop loving us mum?                       
I just want him to come on home                      

Your daddy's not coming home son            
Your daddy died last night                           
Your daddy's not coming home son            
Your daddy died last night                           

Years later as I pack my bags                    
Hoping I can make things better                         
Then I see there beside my tags                    
That very same crumpled letter                                

I read the letter three times through               
I fold it again and again                                  
Each corner so clean and so true                  
I hand my son the paper plane                      

Your daddy is coming home son                    
Your daddy flies tonight                                
Your daddy is coming home son                    
Your daddy flies tonight                                

Your daddy is coming home son                    
Your daddy flies tonight                                
Your daddy is coming home son                    
Your daddy flies tonight                                


Lyrics: Mark Parks


Thx for reading!

Merry Christmas to our soldiers overseas.
#2December 18th, 2007 · 05:11 PM
27 threads / 2 songs
179 posts
Canada
edited to add intro!
#3December 18th, 2007 · 06:40 PM
75 threads / 4 songs
531 posts
Cook Islands

amazing!!!!!!
very emotional
although I read this more of as a poem,it would make a nice acoustic slow song.

very very nice :]
#4December 18th, 2007 · 07:11 PM
27 threads / 2 songs
179 posts
Canada
thanks....was meant to be a slow acoustic song....similar in singing style to Johnny Cash and Hurt. Very low key, but vocals would supercede the guitar part. It is meant to be an emotional, personal feeling song by the singer. I imagine a singer like Flyer singing this because of his ability to bring good emotion and sincerity to his lyrics. 

Thx for the comments!

-Mark
#5December 19th, 2007 · 01:46 AM
30 threads
169 posts
United States of America
nailed
This is really good. Good emotion, which is where it all begins. Nice simple phrasing and strong simple chorus. Perfect for the slow acoustic you have in mind.

Just one thing, and maybe I'm missing it. It says you had a paper airplane at the beginning of the song. Then you grabbed the crumpled letter. Then years later you see the letter and you fold and refold it into a paper plane.

There seems to be some connection missing her. Are you saying that when you saw it again, it was already a paper plane, and so you took it as a little boy, and as you were a child, ended up using that crumpled paper to make a paper plane? And that is a comment on the innocence of childhood?

Another line in here to clarify this could make this strong piece that much stronger. As it stands, the paper plane is ambiguous






I'm going to look up more posts 
#6December 19th, 2007 · 02:32 AM
27 threads / 2 songs
179 posts
Canada
the airplane was a symbol of the boys freedom in the beginning
then the letter his mother held was the symbol of loss
they are two separate items
now later when he finds the letter(was never an airplane) he takes that letter that symbolized the loss of his father and he turns that into an airplane...his symbol of freedom and passes that on to his son....as his son loses his father.....hmmmm I worry I may be confusing....

Anyways, the airplane is the thread. For the father, the airplane would hold very personal signifigance, and taking a piece of his past and forming it into something symbolizing freedom is something I like alot.

In the beginning the plane means freedom.
and later by turning the letter(loss) into an airplane, he is giving hope to his son that his father will return(freedom)

Thanks so much for the advice, I will think on this hard. I should not need to clarify to anyone that listens :P
What may be clear to me may not be clear to the listener/reader.


*Just a note. I am just starting on learning music theory and am always looking for collaborator for the melody. If anyone sees what they like just let me know. Some of the greatest artists collaborate, including Elton John, John Lennon, and Burt Bacarat.    Thanks again!

Guys! come on Chat sometime!
#7December 19th, 2007 · 11:27 PM
27 threads / 2 songs
179 posts
Canada
I will be doing some slight tweaking to help with continuity and flow. The verses don't have the same rythym, I will be fixing that. This will help when a melody is put to it.
#8December 19th, 2007 · 11:49 PM
27 threads / 2 songs
179 posts
Canada
Editing is done....what do you guys think?
#9December 20th, 2007 · 09:08 AM
21 threads
235 posts
United Kingdom
I did almost cry before I told myself, "nope, men don't cry, it's only a lyric".
Seriously though, it's really good(and I did almost cry, I'm such a soppy sort of bloke). If Spoon was here I imagine she'd say something about the metre.....possibly.
But then she'd also probably go on to say that things like metre are rubbish to measure without melody so it's a moot point really.
I'm glad you explained the plane part. I like lyrics with deeper meanings and it's clever and interesting. But more than that, I like knowing the meaning and knowing it's meaningful....anyway.
You should do a collab with Flyer and Taka. I think they'd make an awesome team for this song!
#10December 20th, 2007 · 07:22 PM
27 threads / 2 songs
179 posts
Canada
Well, thank you very much! It's okay to cry man, just let it out....:P But seriously, thanks for the kudos. Regarding the metre, is there anything that I can improve...any glaring spots to you?
As I have said before, I am always up for collaborations. If anyone wants to take a stab at it ..... Awesome!

Well, Happy Holidays folks!

-Mark
#11December 21st, 2007 · 02:29 AM
30 threads
169 posts
United States of America
The sound of . . .
APLAUSE!

CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP!

Great rewrite. Great job!    
#12December 21st, 2007 · 12:30 PM
27 threads / 2 songs
179 posts
Canada
thanks 
#13December 21st, 2007 · 01:29 PM
8 threads
34 posts
United Kingdom
dustyskates wrote…
thanks....was meant to be a slow acoustic song....similar in singing style to Johnny Cash and Hurt. Very low key, but vocals would supercede the guitar part. It is meant to be an emotional, personal feeling song by the singer. I imagine a singer like Flyer singing this because of his ability to bring good emotion and sincerity to his lyrics. 

Thx for the comments!

-Mark

Why not Nine Inch Nails hurt?
#14December 21st, 2007 · 01:32 PM
8 threads
34 posts
United Kingdom
Actually...Pearl Jam!?
#15December 21st, 2007 · 02:00 PM
27 threads / 2 songs
179 posts
Canada
Hey who knows....they both have similar sounds for sure....it's not liek they differed much at all lol.....Depends on the singer really. I open to suggestions on this one     -Mark
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