#1February 24th, 2007 · 06:36 PM
7 threads
10 posts
United States of America
I need you now
(i wrote this a while ago, but i wanted to put more lyrics up, and most everything i have now is incomplete)

filled with fear
wont you come here
wipe away my tear
help me perservere

[chorus]
i need you now
i need you then
please allow
me to need you again


dont leave me alone
with the unknown
ill be your own
id break through stone

ill admit i was wrong
im sorry im strong
can i sing you song
wont you sing along

filled with fear
wont you come here
wipe away my tear
help me perservere

[chorus]

dont leave me alone
with the unknown
ill be your own
id break through stone

dont leave me dying
dont leave me crying
ill keep trying
ill stop denying

[chorus]

i want to hold your hand
i want this to expand
just as we had planned
do you understand

i need you now
i need you then
please allow
me to need you again

dont you get it
even a little bit
oh baby please dont quit
this time its legit

filled with fear
wont you come here
wipe away my tear
help me perservere

[chorus]

dont leave me alone
with the unknown
ill be your own
id break through stone

ill admit i was wrong
im sorry im strong
can i sing you song
wont you sing along

[chorus] x3
#2February 24th, 2007 · 08:33 PM
97 threads / 43 songs
500 posts
Australia
It may just be me...
... but there's a lot of rhyming throughout the song, and in the same kind of grouping, so I would like to see some sort of change/climax  with the lyrics/phrasing (especially with a semi-long lyric such as this) which (to me) reflects the intensity of the song and leaves a satisfactory feeling of what the song is about.

Still, I may be wrong, because I don't know what it sounds like, and I do like the way it's written, I just can't see the lyrics tie in at the end. Also, in the chorus, where you have "I need you then", would it be too much to have "I need(ed) you then"?

Keep writing, I do enjoy it, just being picky about the structure.

WB
#3February 24th, 2007 · 10:46 PM
7 threads
10 posts
United States of America
i tried i needed you then, and its hard to fit in there the way its sung.
its sung at a fast phase and the -ed kind of ruins the line.
like i said, this was from  a while ago.
it was shorter, but i just rearranged it a bit, to make a chorus fit in there...ive noticed recently that most everything i write lacks a chorus. i feel as if i should change that, but i suppose starting from scratch would be better.
thanks for the input. always appreciated =]
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