#1February 19th, 2007 · 07:46 AM
97 threads / 43 songs
500 posts
Australia
Lonely Road
Digging out the old ones...
Well, not really old, just old for me. Well, the first lyrics I decided not to chuck.
The first line here is similar to "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" and it has a "similar" (note: term used loosely) chord progression, in the 4 chord 4 bar constant change, BUT it sounds different (bluesy dotted rhythm added to it). I'd like to record this, maybe later though.
So, without further ado,

Lonely Road

I walk along a lonely road,
I don't talk to the people I know,
I know I don't know, what should I say?
I know I don't know why I'm acting this way,

Frozen cold by a soul that knows no fear,
With a heart, wouldn't start right next to here,
In a cave with a slave whose heart is dear,
Broken down by the sound of thunder near,

I float along an empty sea,
I sing a song only heard by me,
I feel my heart is an empty hole,
I have a gap missing in my soul,

Frozen cold by a soul that knows no fear,
With a heart, wouldn't start right next to here,
In a cave with a slave whose heart is dear,
Broken down by the sound of thunder near,

I ride along a bush beaten track,
I keep along where others turn back,
I know I've got to want to go all the way,
I'm going nowhere and I'm there to stay,

Frozen cold by a soul that knows no fear,
With a heart, wouldn't start right next to here,
In a cave with a slave whose heart is dear,
Broken down by the sound of thunder near,

I'm flying high in an armageddon plane,
Going one way only going down in flames,
I knokw my fear is a part of my heart,
And my heart is a hole inside my soul,

I sit inside, floating on empty,
I sit inside, going insane,
I sit inside,running in circles,
I sit inside a hole inside an armageddon plane.

Ok, I have no idea what the chorus means, its just a loud mess that acts as a counterpoint for the verses, in musical sense it's fine, but lyrically speaking... and also, I have no idea what an "Armageddon plane" is, and if it makes sense at all. Please feel free to comment, and even suggest a meaning to the song.

Cheers!

WB

   (I'm confused at my own words) 
#2February 19th, 2007 · 08:17 AM
77 threads / 45 songs
2,296 posts
United States of America
nice
this is really good
I would phrase something's differently...but thats me...I like the direction
in this though

Good work

Flyer
#3February 19th, 2007 · 08:19 AM
128 threads / 44 songs
2,814 posts
Puerto Rico
I sit inside a hole inside an armageddon plane.


Thats a cool hook
Sad lyrics but beatiful non the less
#4February 19th, 2007 · 12:43 PM
341 threads / 59 songs
4,361 posts
Cymru (Wales)
Writers wrote…
(I'm confused at my own words)
   
I like your verses but I find the chorus a bit cliche, or it's like looking for a meaning in the rhyme and there's too many rhymes, ....no... it could have the same rhyme /timing but other words.

Really like:
I float along an empty sea,
I sing a song only heard by me,

What about 'something' instead of 'gap'?

And the last verse :
I'm flying high in an armageddon plane,
Going one way only going down in flames,
I know my fear shows in my face,
But I face, the road that it takes.      maybe???
Sorry, but I found too many 'soul' 'hole' things going on in the last line!

I'd have to be here all night to suss the verse! Unless of course you have some more ideas as to what you want to say! A! But you don't know what you want to say!!! lol
So I suppose it could go nearly anywhere?
#5February 20th, 2007 · 03:24 AM
97 threads / 43 songs
500 posts
Australia
"gap"
"beat", fits well, being 1 syllable and has good imagery in association with the heart.

The chorus is a loud pumping mass of sound, and, in performance, probably wouldn't need to make as much sense as the rest of it, but I sound lazy like that, so...

And the lines you pointed out, I only just noticed they don't rhyme, but they're the climax of the song and that change works well for the build up (I think). The first line (I know my fear is a part of my heart) has a real nice sound (personally speaking again...), but the second line... hmmm...
"And my heart is a crack dug in the road"?
"And my heart is a loss of life on show"?
What do you think?

Cheers for comments, guys.

WB
#6February 22nd, 2007 · 10:48 AM
341 threads / 59 songs
4,361 posts
Cymru (Wales)
"And my heart is a loss of life on show"?

Like that one and I like 'beat', 'something' was meant as something 'that I don't know' is missing!
I've just sussed why I didn't like 'gap', you cant miss a gap can you! 


What about : "And my heart is a loss of a life unknown" ??

makes it 'dramatic' even if it is not 'correct'.
#7February 23rd, 2007 · 01:51 AM
97 threads / 43 songs
500 posts
Australia
Fill the gaps
Also, the word "gap" doesn't smoothly roll off the tongue, does it?

"unknown" Yes!!!
makes the lyrics more intense.
I like it.

What I wouldn't give to look inside your deeply poetic mind.

Cheers!

WB
#8February 26th, 2007 · 03:57 PM
77 threads / 45 songs
2,296 posts
United States of America
Hey Try This
And my heart is a loss of life
bitter and cold through the night
my heart wont stop beating
with out a fight



Flyer
#9March 1st, 2007 · 04:29 AM
341 threads / 59 songs
4,361 posts
Cymru (Wales)
"Frozen cold by a soul that knows no fear,
With a heart, wouldn't start right next to here,
In a cave with a slave whose heart is dear,
Broken down by the sound of thunder near,"

is long

And my heart is a loss of life
bitter and cold through the night
my heart wont stop beating
with out a fight

is short     ! 

I'm sure WB has some big guitar piece in mind (as usual lol)

What about :

Bitter cold the road that I've been shown
My hart is at a loss to this life unknown
Even dreams in the dark tare at my soul
As I remember the embers of loves coal

 
Just some more thought for the day !
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