#1February 16th, 2007 · 02:46 AM
97 threads / 43 songs
500 posts
Australia
Summer Sunrise
This is a happy song! Quite a rarity for me...    It's kind of split up into parts, a kind of mutilated ternary form (A B A). The focus in the song is mainly in the instrumental sound, so I pushed for a good vocal sound. I tried to capture the beauty and sweetness of the music in the lyrics. The lyrics repeat around a fair bit, so that's why I put in the B section (hopefully to keep you listen for the 7 minute playing time!).

I saw Swordfish's thread about his marriage, said he wouldn't mind a few bandamp originals to play for the occasion. I think this song could suit such an occasion, so I'll devote it to the fish, hope you guys like it. Hoping I can sort out recording etc. at school, big fingers crossed for that, so, if everything runs smooth, I may have a recording in a couple of weeks, if not, I can aim for a bandamp collab.

Summer Sunrise                                                                                      
Part A
Slow your time down, you've got forever to live,
Take a breather, you never get what you give,
Wait for summer, you've got the sun in your eyes,
Wait no longer, now wait for the surprise,

Chorus
Oh I will see you through the summertime,
Oh I can't see you through the nighttime,
Oh I can't see you in the winter,
Oh I will see you in the morning you're my sunrise,

Take your time now, you're on the top of the earth,
Live your life now, you never know what you're worth,
You wake my day up, you've got the light in your heart,
I take the day off, but I am ready to start,

Chorus

I'm in heaven, I'm in the cloud in the sky,
Float on water, I do believe I can fly,
Break the habit, make the habit of change,
Not a stranger, on the boarder of strange,

Chorus

Slow the clock down, you've got the time to forgive,
Take your time now, you're only chance to live,
Waiting winter, you've got clouds in your eyes,
Wait for strangers I wait for your sunrise,

Part B
I will see you through the summertime,
I can't see you through the wintertime,
I will see you when the sun will rise,
I will see you at the dawn of time,

I will see you through the summertime,
I can't see you through the wintertime,
I will see you when the sun will rise,
I will see you at the dawn of time,

I will see you through the summertime,
I can't see you through the wintertime,
I will see you when the sun will rise,
I will see you at the dawn of time,

Part A
Slow your time down, you've got forever to live,
Take a breather, you never get what you give,
Wait for summer, you've got the sun in your eyes,
Wait no longer, now wait for the surprise,

Chorus

Take your time now, you're on the top of the earth,
Live your life now, you never know what you're worth,
You wake my day up, you've got the light in your heart,
I take the day off, but I am ready to start,

Chorus                                                                                                   

Can't wait to turn this into a recording.

Feedback please! Did you like? Yes, No. If yes, why. If no, why not.
All comments appreciated.

Cheers!

WB
#2February 16th, 2007 · 03:40 AM
341 threads / 59 songs
4,361 posts
Cymru (Wales)
A the irony!
No 'Writers Block' to you at all is there, you just keep on coming up with good lyrics.
I like your impersonal, general approach, it does mean that more people can relate to your work.
While reading I could hear song like Claptons Sunshine of our love and The Doors going on in the background.

This is not a comment but an idea (to discuss even), what if you took all the 'yous' and the 'I's' out I bet you'd end up with a much tighter, even more general, even more obscure and even more generally personal lyric.
Like :
"Slow the clock down,  got time to forgive,
Take time now, only chances to live,
Waiting for winter, clouds in your eyes,
Wait for,   strangers, wait for,    sunrise"

The 'your' I left in comes from the cliche and is universal. And I could have left Take 'your' time now, but I think 'Take time now' has grater depth to it.
I think I feel this because the song is not an "I, I who have nothing" song, it is a universally acceptable poetical observance and view.
And I feel that when you sing it, there's too much unnecessary constant changing of direction to the 'story' : You me me you you you me you me me me you you etc etc. lol
Where as without those personal 'directionals' you get a continuous flow of message.
Just a Friday morning thought!
#3February 16th, 2007 · 04:13 AM
97 threads / 43 songs
500 posts
Australia
You, me, we, us our, yours...
Interesting...
The me-you aspect of the song is a view one can have on another, a strong eternal love feeling (one which I have never known...), also I actually visualized the morning sun as my eternal love. I think your idea is great, however there are passages where a complete rephrasing would occur. Also, some of the "you's" are there for rhythm (of course you couldn't have known that) however, it is quite simple to change the rhythm of the lyric to suit the melody. Also, big glitch to change the chorus (I think it's awesome as it is [don't get too big headed]), it has a nice melodic flow in the vocals, and the I - you is what makes the chorus what it is. So, to discuss the idea, I would say that to reach a more personal song I think that taking the me, you out of the verses as much as possible, whilst maintaining sense and understanding, would work great. I'll have to test it in song first.

Also, I found that the chorus reminded me of Imagine by John Lennon (just at the start of each line, with the rising pitch).

Anyways, you say that was a Friday morning thought? I'd like to see your Monday morning thought!

Cheers for the critique (you're invaluable)

WB
#4February 16th, 2007 · 06:22 AM
341 threads / 59 songs
4,361 posts
Cymru (Wales)
WB wrote…
Also, I found that the chorus reminded me of Imagine by John Lennon (just at the start of each line, with the rising pitch).
Cool, but I cant hear pitch change either ye banana! lol

Yes you have the song set up in your head so the rhythms are in all the words.
You know I'm not saying it that it doesn't work, I just picked up on so many and then thought how it would be without!
I get the love thing, by pointing at 'you' it becomes undeniable.

You know, this to me is what song lyrics should be, something on a higher level made to rise people emotionally and mentally.

I bet you do feel eternal love, just that you might not realize it yet!
I mean I 'eternally love' the mother of one of my children, but I still think that 'in this life' she is stupid bat headed cow! Just to make a point! 
#5February 16th, 2007 · 11:37 AM
21 threads
235 posts
United Kingdom
I really liked this. People have said to me I have a way with words. That a gave me a short ego boost. This, my friend, has put me right back in my place.
I don't really know what to say. It just seemed to flow so well. What style of music are you going to play with it. Kings mentioned Clapton and The Doors. All I had was the amazing (cause it is happy and deep and still sounds modern) Feeder - Comfort In Sound Album(just the general sound of it.
Example -
"Talk about it
You dream about it
You feel that theres no place left to glow
Operatics, break the habits
You feel that theres no place left to grow
You gotta reach inside yourself and let it go"
             (Child In You - Feeder)
Just seems to have a simaler feel to

"Slow your time down, you've got forever to live,
Take a breather, you never get what you give,
Wait for summer, you've got the sun in your eyes,
Wait no longer, now wait for the surprise,"

I think it's the way I connect to the lyrics that feels the same.
What really makes it good though, imo, is the fact you've written it in such a way that it's happy and makes me happy. Normally when I read happy lyrics I bitch about how sad and pathetic they are....cause I'm grumpy.
Anyway, great work. Can't wait to hear the song.
KI
Sorry, you do not have access to post...
Wanna post? Join Today!

Server Time: March 28th, 2024 · 5:31 PM
© 2002-2012 BandAMP. All Rights Reserved.