Hello all. This would be a little spoken-word thing I've written recently. I have a nice little simple chord thing for the music too, but not sure if I like it for accompaniment. (By the way, if anyone thinks up a better ending to the last two lines of the second verse, feel free to suggest it)

I've been thinking of reality.
Of life and thoughts and dreams,
And these words I pen out
And what I hope they mean.
But just because I write them,
Will they hear it?
Just because I build it,
Will they come?
Or is this just my hopeless dream?
Some form of spoken eloquency used
To portray the latest thoughts in my mind.

With all great fervor I persue,
That hidden melody in my mind.
The perfect note, perfect tune,
To match the syllables sung in rhyme.
And all I can do is hope,
That these words I pen have meaning.
Are not lost to the world,
And can bring some sense of feeling,
To the numbness so many know.

So I take this pen and paper,
Lose some sleep, gain some addiction,
In some hope that my world can be heard
Through this fickle medium called Art.
That someone out there can hear what I say,
(Whether joyful or despairing)
And take a little message, whatever it be,
To live better.
And maybe, because of a little vanity,
I could think they live better because of me.

This is nice, this is good, it brings about a literary way of life. The words are precise, the words are direct, some rhyme and some provide an ending with a resolute and complete ending.

Hmmm... I'm thinking about those lines you feel doesn't fit completely, I find it quite nice, and can't really offer up suggestions that isn't a reword of those exact lines.

Very nice, poetic lyrics.

Good luck with the lines and title, sorry I couldn't serve up some ideas, but I really like this!

Cheers!

WB

Thanks! I'm rather pleased with the results of this one. Those two lines I was talking about fit in my opinion, I just don't like them as much as I could. That's why the asking for suggestions.  I'm not so stressed for a title though. Hehe, worse comes to worse, I could always pull a DMB and start numbering songs until I find a title.

I might post up the mp3 with the chords as well, not sure yet. Depends if I ever decide whether I like the ones I have or not.

I like the "Will they hear it"  and "Will they come?" could be musically very interesting.
One small thing : I don't think "eloquency" is right here. I believe it should just be "eloquence" but I could be wrong and hey, it's your prose.

Good work.

I really liked this up until the beginning of the third verse, it kind of wallys with the addiction bit then it all goes somewhere that makes a minge cringe!
It's like the cry for help is too obvious and not subtle at all.
I like subtlety in words, it's what it's all about.
And any way I believe that the very fact that one is creating/producing any form of art is a cry for help in its self, so being so blatant with it, takes out the fun, so to say!
I don't like the "fickle medium called Art" line either, should you not revere the medium you are using?
And any way if you play this song, you will be heard? Yes? The more you play the more you're heard!!

To Tom: Yes, I believe you are right here. I think grammatically, eloquence would be the proper word to use.

To Kings: I suppose you have to know me to understand the "addiction" part. It's not so much a cry for help, as a statement of the obvious. You see, I only get creative when my insomnia kicks in, so that's where that comes from. As for the medium part, I'm going to look into ways to maybe adding something. I've absolutely no idea what it could be, but we'll see if I can come up with something. Otherwise, I suppose itll have to stay.

Thanks for your comments though, Kings, you did get me to think a good bit on this.

...it makes for good discussion... i mean we can't just easily brush off
why we do this thing we do...

"and what I hope they mean" is probably the answer to it all...