#1December 12th, 2007 · 06:51 AM
77 threads / 59 songs
920 posts
Netherlands
help with translating asked..
I tried to translate my dutch lyrics, but need some help with expressions, since i used some dutch ones and mixed them up freely , i couldnt do that in english,
a free interpretation is welcome too, in fact every sentence or word which helps to make it better is welcome

 'Hondenweer' means 'raining cats and dogs', i try to translate a bit to get the idea.., I ment it to be a sort of metaphoric 

 Tekst/Lyrics: Hondeweer

Hondenweer geen mens op straat, niemand in de goot / It's raining dogs, nobody on the street, nobody in the gutter ,
verwonderd kijk ik om me heen, alsof er iemand floot / surprised i look around, as if someone whistled
ik zoek naar een persoon ofzo, maar niemand geeft zich bloot / i search for anything alive, but nobody shows
het regent en het waait maar door, het lijkt wel watersnood / storm continues, rain still falls, seems a waterflood (hurricane? :p)

                       actually i sing:(vertwijfeld en verdeeld)
zachtjes roep ik hard om hulp, druipend en doorweekt / softly i am screaming for help, dripping and soaked
niemand die er omkijkt, al was er één geweest / nobody reacting, even if there had been one
sluipend langs de gevels van het begin van deze eeuw / sneeking by the buildings, from the start of this age
denk ik bij mezelf, mischien helpt het als ik heel hard schreeuw / I say to myself, maybe it helps, if i'd scream out loud..

verse:
FEEST! IK WIL FEEST, GEWOON HELEMAAL LOS, LOOS, EN VER UIT MIJN DAK,
PARTY! I WANT A PARTY, SIMPLY ENTIRELY COMPLETELY LOOSE,  AND FAR OUT OF MY ROOF
SCHERP GEKLEED EN GOED GEMUTST, VOORZIEN VAN HUMOR OP HET JUISTE VLAK
SHARPLY DRESSED AND WITH THE RIGHT HAT, PROVIDE WITH HUMOR OF THE RIGHT KIND 
   
turend door de ramen van het menselijk bestaan/watching through the windows of human existence
zie ik niets meer dan verveling, het lachen is hen vergaan/I see nothing more but trouble, laughing is far gone
men strekt zich uit en gaapt nog eens,”whats the news today”/people stretch themselves and yawn once more, "whats the news today"
eindelijk weer slapen gaan dat valt weer reuze mee/finally sleeping time, so that turns out well

blij verrast zie ik een lichtpuntje, in de duisternis/happily surprised I see a lightpoint in the dark
ik spoed me door de watervloed, hoop dat ik niks mis/I'm run through the massive rain, hope I'm not too late
ik staar door de ligusterhaag, zie mensen uit hun bol/I look beyond a liguster hedge, see people out of their head
dansend in het hemelwater, gewoon voor hun lol/dancing in the sky water, simply for their fun

verse: FEEST! Etc.

next couplet needs still to be added, its not in the song yet, still working on it:

                                            (vrij van elke angst..?)                                  (free of every fear..?)
nietsvermoedend, ongehinderd, door elke wetenschap  / unsuspectingly, unhindered, by each science                                         
frank en vrij en onbelemmerd, dans ik alles van me af / frank and free and unobstructed, I dance away my shit
op de muziek die maar niet stoppen wil, want het volk heeft de macht / on music that will never end, because people have the strength
om te beslissen of het dansen wil, midden in de nacht / to decide if they want to dance, in the middle of in the night
 

verse: FEEST! etc.
#2December 13th, 2007 · 06:32 PM
340 threads / 59 songs
4,344 posts
United Kingdom
I really like the original, it's beautifully discriptive,
As for help with translation goes I've not gone for the 'poetic' depth every where it would take too long, but I have tried to keep it as close to the original as possible.
Hope it makes some sense anyways.
Just some suggestions   

Cats and dogs, streets are bare , empty as the gutter
Startled as if by some sudden sound, I turn around
I search for any signs of life, but nothing do I see
The storm persists, the driven rain, seams like a hurricaine

Softly I scream for your help, dripping and soaking , (shivering and choking)
Nobody reacts, as if there were, ever any body there, any way !
So sneaking between buildings, since the begining of an age
I think to myself, would it help, if i'd scream out this rage..?


PARTY! I WANT A PARTY, JUST SIMPLY TOTALLY GONE, OFF ON ONE,
COMPLETELY OUT OF MY ROOF
SHARPLY DRESSED AND WITH THE RIGHT KIND OF HAT,
MY SENSE OF WHERE IT'S AT AND THINGS LIKE THAT WILL ALWAYS BE THE PROOF

 (turend door de raam van het menselijk bestaan)
Watching through the windows of human lives
I see nothing more than trouble, the laughter has past them by
People stretch themselves and yawn once more, "goeje mogol!"
Finally I sleep again and all has turned out well

Happily surprised I see a point of light out there in the darkness
I run through the torrential rain, hope I don't miss a thing (again)
I look beyond a liguster hedge, see people out of their heads
Dancing through the puddles, simply for the fun of it

Unsuspectingly, unhindered, by each science (through each..., by any..., through every..., by every.....)
Frank and free and unobstructed (Very nice line and translation! lol), I dance it all away
To the music that just wont stop, because the people have the power
To decide if they want to dance, in the middle of in the night
 

BTW, I do sometimes earn a living doing this very kind of thing : Kings Author  
#3December 14th, 2007 · 05:08 PM
77 threads / 59 songs
920 posts
Netherlands
hey tnx a lot mate!!!
really appreciate it, and a bit surprised u liked the dutch one, i had doubts about it for about 15  years

i read your translation only twice quickly, and already saw some usefull stuff and had some 'oh yes of course, thats the way they express in english' moments, so i have something to work with and try to get it sensable and lyrical in english too, if i fail, i might ask you to do it as a professional for me..
 
 
still, if anyone has enough inspiration , ill appreciate any word or sentence!!
#4December 15th, 2007 · 07:17 PM
340 threads / 59 songs
4,344 posts
United Kingdom
Max, Yes I did /do like the Dutch version, it is as I said very descriptive, I am a Dutch learner and I've been told many times to read some more, I really got into this piece, OK it might be 'simple' enough for me to get into, but I still grasp the rhyme and the rolling of the lines. I do get the feeling that a few elements are added simply to 'fill a rhyming gap' "sluipend langs de gevels van het begin van deze eeuw" or it just could be I dont get why it's in there!
As for professionally turning this lyric into an english lyric it would depend on which media it would need to 'talk to' (aan spreken)
Let me know, I enjoy doing this kind of thing.
#5December 16th, 2007 · 07:58 AM
77 threads / 59 songs
920 posts
Netherlands
yes, i think too its just for the rhyme, but i also liked the view it sketches, as if i get to see those old buildings which give me a mood
and true, its simple, but ment to be metaphoric in a way for the diiferent ways u can look at things(in this case: ppl or humanity) , or when sadness comes over u, there is always a happy thing somewhere also, or whatever one reads in it :p

the more i think of translating, the harder it gets to stick to the original lines, i think it needs own lines in english, which i cant do myself of course, my english is too limited, i realise the more and more when i read your version..

 so , which media should it ' talk to' .., i really wouldnt know
i guess we are the (almost) only 2 ppl who really enjoy these lines, so it should be us?

i have to make up my mind about this, dó i really want to tanslate it, or should it be better to write fresh lyrics?

sigh
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