This song didn't take long to write, but I think it has the best chord progression/melody I've written.

Sweet Libertine

Why don't you ever see?
Why don't you talk to me?
Why don't you let me know, you're still in love,
Are you OK? Are you in life?

Why don't you ever speak?
In this house of liberty,
Why don't you ever call, Why don't you ever write?
You won't come back, you know I'm right,

Woa-oh woa-oh,
Sweet Libertine,
Woa-oh woa-oh,
Follow the dream,
And you stop at the lights,
and you're feeling alright,
Woa-oh woa-oh,
And you're breaking my heart,
and fueling the fight,
Sweet Libertine!

Why don't you kill me now? Why don't you kill me then?
It doesn't matter how, It's only for pretend,
If you run away, I won't run ahead,
If you meet me no, I won't meet you then,

Woa-oh woa-oh,
Sweet Libertine,
Woa-oh woa-oh,
Follow the dream,
And you stop at the lights,
and you're feeling alright,
Woa-oh woa-oh,
And you're breaking my heart,
and fueling the fight,
Sweet Libertine!

Woa-oh woa-oh,
Sweet Libertine,
Woa-oh woa-oh,
Follow the dream,
And you stop at the lights,
and you're feeling alright,
Woa-oh woa-oh,
And you're breaking my heart,
and fueling the fight,
Sweet Libertine!

Woa-oh woa-oh woa-oh,
Sweet Libertine!
Woa-oh woa-oh woa-oh,
Sweet Libertine!
Woa-oh woa-oh woa-oh,
Sweet Libertine!
Woa-oh woa-oh woa-oh,
Sweet Libertine!


I'm unsure about one line, the second line in verse two 'In this house of liberty', I think I'll change that... Any suggestions?

Cheers.

WB

why keep it literal...?
maybe
'box of liberty'
'walls of liberty'
'shadows of liberty'
'cells of liberty'

...i'm thinking this constraining contradiction play on werds...
or, you do talk about speaking...
some adj.'s like 'silent', 'quiet'..... 'silent shadows'....
perhaps that fucks up your rythm tho'....

'locked shades' of liberty
'hushed walls' of liberty
'mute bode' of liberty

i'm pitchin left and swingin right... oh well...

I like your ideas, which got me thinking, 'from broken bones of liberty'.
Thanks for the help, I think your thoughts upon confinement and darkness helped me capture the sadness of the piece that lacked in the second verse.
You have a great way of thinking 

Cheers!

WB

Hear Hear!
Dudes excellent.

I was on youTube the other night and saw this for the first time, Jewish rabbi calls for Israel not to exist.
In 2 minutes my eyes opened to something I had never realized before!

Jack seams to do the same to me, just reading his post opens my eyes to a wonderful way of writing, you give such excellent examples/choices jackfancy!
Yet I do like 'from broken bones of liberty' very much, probably because the creator of the piece knows what has to go there, and just had to be told how it goes there!

As to this lyric WB, absolutely! I really like it and yes you could make it into a cool song.

But the 'perspectives' throw me off a bit, but that's only because I'm analyzing it! (thanks simon![another one whose insights I appreciate]).

She's driving away is she not?
She has gone! yes?
Yet you write about her in some bits as if she were there!
And if shes gone, driving away, stopping at light, and 'feeling alright' (that Woa-oh woa-oh I take it would be a 'happy' Woa-oh woa-oh?), why should she care about "breaking your heart, or fueling a fight", she's gone, into her dream!

I still think it would make a good song as it is though! I'm just analyzing

Haha, yes kings I do tend to do that, I think you've caught me in a similar thing before? I think it's kind of, She's leaving, then I'm shocked that she's out of my life, and then it's like I'm angry at her for leaving, then I'm angry just at her, and want her to leave, then the chorus (the woa-oh's are sad  ) that's kind of about, how she's leaving to do what she wants, and part of what she wants is to leave me, then there's the 'stop at the lights' resembling that last look she gives before she leaves forever, and her leaving is breaking my heart, and fueling the fight within me I guess... If that makes any sense at all... is it a bit clearer now? Also, I have changed the song a bit. Between the two choruses near the end, I have a little instrumental break (sounds quite nice), and I kind of repeat the last verse partially before going into a different little riff (probably stolen from another songs, some passages in here sound quite familiar to other songs upon playing), so there is a little extra vocals; 'Sweet Libertine, Lost Valentine, Sweet Libertine, Why don't you kill me now.' Which is kind of the memory of her, I guess.

I should probably explain that how some people write these songs upon experience, this is complete fiction, nothing more than words happened here...

Cheers on the comments, it helps!

WB

KINGS usually has good advice. KINGS has helped me in my writting. So wat he says is true. I love this song and Really really really really wanna hear music to it!

News to me!

Thanks anyway.

You should stick around the audio review pages, judging at how things are going with WBs songs we'll all be on TOTP by the summer!

can't wait till the connection gets ironed out...
i'd love to see whats shakin around here...
hell, i can't even download shit from this site...