This is really nice... Im trying to make out the meaning or story in this, but its beyond me... Any hints?
| elusive |
Elusive is good, because it lets us each relate it to our OWN story. But there are a couple of incongruities here that, worked out, could make this a fine piece. It takes inspiration to get something out of you and down on paper, but it takes something even more difficult to edit a piece, once the inspiration has faded, to make it better. You have to get real clear exactly what you are trying to communicate - whether a story, an idea, or just an emotion. Get it clear and the words will fix themselves.
But also be open that if you put the 'wrong' word down, and it changes the meaning, sometimes you accidentally make it better. So be willing to change what you are trying to communicate. It is a dynamic process.
You aren't sure about 'harm'. I'm not either. But 'harm' is a strong word, so if it fits, use it, and change some of the weaker, more changeable words to work around it and make it fit. Maybe it's a central theme, even if you didn't intend it to be? Certainly it sounds like harm has come to someone else? Get some interplay between the harm that came to her, and where you fit in with her, and with the harm?
Who is this other person whose arms you might fall into? You don't have to explain it all, just play it out, make it work, make it fit. There is something different and compelling here. Stay with it and grow.
But also be open that if you put the 'wrong' word down, and it changes the meaning, sometimes you accidentally make it better. So be willing to change what you are trying to communicate. It is a dynamic process.
You aren't sure about 'harm'. I'm not either. But 'harm' is a strong word, so if it fits, use it, and change some of the weaker, more changeable words to work around it and make it fit. Maybe it's a central theme, even if you didn't intend it to be? Certainly it sounds like harm has come to someone else? Get some interplay between the harm that came to her, and where you fit in with her, and with the harm?
Who is this other person whose arms you might fall into? You don't have to explain it all, just play it out, make it work, make it fit. There is something different and compelling here. Stay with it and grow.
Yes, you're trying to rhyme.
'Arms' is a difficult one anyway !
I really like the chorus, it's so good it feels like it could have been your inspiration and the rest is to back it up!
I find this jumps around a bit much between ; me , you and her, if you got your characters and story on one line it would make it easier to read.
Of course , you were running around in circles when you were writing it !!!
'Arms' is a difficult one anyway !
I really like the chorus, it's so good it feels like it could have been your inspiration and the rest is to back it up!
I find this jumps around a bit much between ; me , you and her, if you got your characters and story on one line it would make it easier to read.
Of course , you were running around in circles when you were writing it !!!