#1February 10th, 2013 · 03:07 AM
175 threads / 48 songs
1,917 posts
Canada
the only indigo
(this one is a bit more 'love song' than usual but hey don't hate)

the only indigo
 
Here comes a girl, in indigo
She's got a pretty smile, hair ribboned in a bow
I ask a lot of questions, but what do I say?
"Nice to see you again," she says. "I'll see you someday."
 
I see her at the dance hall, in indigo
She's laughing at the jokes the boys are making, I've missed her so
She notices my face as I'm, hiding in the crowd
And with that pretty smile she says, "Told you I'd see you around."
 
I know this girl, the only indigo
I love her smile and, when she lets her hair down low
She's such a thing of beauty, I wish she could see
How much how much how much she means to me
 
So how did this girl, the only indigo
Ever notice a guy like me? Well I wrote her a song,
and this is how it goes:
 
And the world slows its turns so you can hear
the soft birds singing all the right words in the places
that you were
And I look for signs in numbers and your words
they change the gears, I look into your eyes
But there are no numbers here
And we never lost perspective and
We were never confused and
We never lost each other
When we had so much to lose and
 
That's how I know I love you
#2February 10th, 2013 · 06:11 PM
340 threads / 59 songs
4,344 posts
United Kingdom
You soppy git ! ..... 
Wonderful stuff
Some beautiful things going on in there.

I really like where you take it in the last verse, very powerful poetry, get the right tensions built up and as a song it would be mind blowing.
I do have a 2 cents worth ...
How about something like "She's such a thing of beauty, I wish she could see
This how much of so much of this too much she means to me"

And what about ending it with  "and .... and .... and .... and ..." , it seems to be the way it's going, especially if you stick another and after other.
That kind of says the last line without actually saying it ... more like a lost for words I love you thing.

Just seen another reading it again ... could that bridge rhyme a bit more ?

"So how did this girl, the only indigo
Ever notice me? Well I'll let you know
I put it in a song,
and this is how it goes:"

Just humming along !
#3February 13th, 2013 · 02:26 AM
175 threads / 48 songs
1,917 posts
Canada
lol aw thanks kings! yeah the last verse is my favourite as well I can't wait to record this though it'll probably be going on my second album as the roster for my first one is already all full.

I really appreciate the in-depth thought you put into it after reading it and the many suggestions you have! I may try that out. I like the "and...and...and" idea

so yeah I really appreciate it!! thanks so much man
#4February 26th, 2013 · 01:11 AM
29 threads / 23 songs
197 posts
United States of America
I really like the premise of the song   The repetition of Indigo is GREAT and I love how you used it in different settings.  Very good imagery
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