#1December 9th, 2007 · 06:28 PM
30 threads
169 posts
United States of America
YOU KNOW THAT EVERY THING'S ALL RIGHT
Beneath a star-filled sky, I hold you
I feel your warmth beneath me
With me, through the night

As love
Carries us away

The questions why are long forgotten
As the space between us narrows
And you close your eyes

No word is ever spoken
You know that every thing's all right
As love
Carries us away

And maybe both of us go crazy
When the walls around us crumble
And we don’t know why

All but our hearts are broken
You know that every thing's all right
As love
Carries us away

You know that every thing's all right
As love
Carries us away

You know that every thing's all right
As love
Carries us away

You know that every thing’s all right



- Lyrics by Norman Maser, 12/6/2007
#2December 9th, 2007 · 06:57 PM
31 threads / 19 songs
612 posts
Canada
nice return......
Geez..I know you would like some in depth review and critique to help you improve your writing process...however.....unfortunately you have talent that surpasses any review or critique I could personally give..you always paint such a lovely picture and story..the reader (in this case) can easily identify and relate since the story,surroundings and most importantly the characters/plot are always just laid out so well...I truly am in awe when I read your work...I've said it before and I'll say it again...ANY band or artist would be blessed to have you writing for them...

I believe you've found your calling with this stuff....for that I am extremely happy for you.

     Jay
#3December 9th, 2007 · 06:58 PM
115 threads / 18 songs
1,414 posts
United States of America
short, generally, but maybe that's because I'm so used to my own style, where I like lots and lots of words, as I always feel that there's so much to tell.  now, that doesn't mean I think your lyrics (these or any others) are less powerful than longer ones.  Both long and short lyrical sets have the power to be powerful and insightful, emotionally, intellectually or otherwise.

What I like about this, put in just a few words (as I see that you've been reviewing my song and also other lyrics, and in replying myself, I'm going to miss dinner but i love writing these reviews!  i can wait a little longer!) .. um.. anyway.  put into just a few words: I like how this captures not a long story, not just a snapshot, but instead, an instance in time... something more of a moment than a photograph or a novel of a history. 

a couple of observations that i would like to pose questions about:

And we don’t know why

is this referring to why "we" go crazy, or why the walls crumble down?  both?  a surprise for the reader?  E) all of the above?  Whatever the case, the line is good--- I'm not ripping on it   I'm just asking the question.

as for the title...

YOU KNOW THAT EVERY THING'S ALL RIGHT

could there be deeper significance to the usages of the words "Every Thing" and "All Right" versus "Everything" and "Alright", respectively?  Perhaps with synonyms substituted into your title as written right now, it could be read...

You Know that All Things (could be litterally any or every thing, it doesn't matter... similar to the phrase from Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby, where Daisy is one of the "glittering THINGS" he dreams of... the word Thing is a variable for all Things) are All-of-them Correct

sorry, that's bumpy, but do you see what I'm getting at?  All Things are Right.  Regardless of crumbling walls or going crazy, it's all happening, and in the end, it's right anyway.

My analysis for the evening   Sorry for never reviewing that other lyric post of yours--- it's still on my todo list in Opera's dotoo widget.  I even have the url handy.. i just never think about it when I'm able to do it!  I've been sick the last few days, so I've been saved from my 54 hours a week temp job.  i should have reviewed it in my sick time...  i'll see if i can't get it in still.

Good to see you again.  No offense taken over the Excalibur review

TLS
#4December 9th, 2007 · 06:59 PM
97 threads / 43 songs
500 posts
Australia
Sweet.
It's got a nice poetic flow, the phrasing suggests to me that it will make a nice song. It's all really lovely, I'm just trying to pick a favourite part, but it's all so good.
Nice work there!

WB
#5December 9th, 2007 · 07:11 PM
64 threads / 13 songs
669 posts
United States of America
I don't usually review lyrics, because it's almost irrelevant to give real critique for lyrics.  Writing lyrics is too personal, much more so than music, I feel, and I'm not harsh enough to tell someone what they wrote didn't work for me, nor could I tell people that you should change this or that.

But...

This is just downright awesome.  I -loved- the hook, the way it ends, the incredible phrasing and rhythm.  Is there music with this?
#6December 9th, 2007 · 08:01 PM
30 threads
169 posts
United States of America
a journey
Thank you all for your reviews. I have been mostly absent from Bandamp for 7-8 months, Curing this time I have been studying the craft of professional lyric writing. The main characteristics of 'commercial' song lyrics is that they have structural components that make them easy to set to music. Any songwriter who works alone can set music to anything, no matter how free form. But when collaboration occurs, it is difficult for a musical composer to fit free verse to music. The rhythms and repetitive parts that may be apparent to the lyricist are not apparent to the musician. Therefore, having specific and repetitive structures for verse, chorus, bridge etc is paramount.

I originally scoffed at this as being to stifling to creativity. but I have come around. Not only is structure important for collaboration, but it is easier for the listener to identify the components of a well structured song, and not feel 'lost' in it. Remember, this applies to making songs commercial. A song can be fantastic, and still not be commercial.

For anyone who aspires to lyric writing or song writing as a profession, I recommend studying this. There are a few good books out there, and another way is to take a song you really like, and write a new set of words that can be sung EXACTLY as the original, right down to the same number of syllables and the same rhythmic flow of every syllable in every single line.

BACK AT TLS: The line, "And we don't know why" refers to why the walls around us are crumbling. I was aware that this is an ambiguous reference, but I think the first meaning that comes to mind is the one I intended, since the phrase is providing more information about the one that it immediately follows, rather than one that it is disconnected from. However, like you said, it works both ways. The crumbling walls have a very personal, nearly literal meaning to me, but the phrasing is intended to allow it to mean many different things to different people.

I don't understand what you were suggesting about the title line. It's not that I failed to understand your rationale, I just don't know what action you were suggesting I take. Change the lyric? The title? Both?

Although some great songs have titles that do not appear in the music, the general professional view is that it should, because it makes it much easier for the listener to identify the title with the correct song. A good example is "The Weight" by the band. Most people recognize it by the main hook, "Take a load off Fannie" It's famous enough that most people know the name, but you get the point.

BACK AT AVINASHV: You make a good point. It's difficult to judge lyrical value. However, a lyric can be judged on it's own merit: whether it has a consistent theme and message. Whether the parts seem to add up to a whole. Whether it is confusing. Having all these things doesn't mean it will be a good lyric, but that it functions properly and can be adapted to music.

As an analogy, if you looked at blueprints for a homes, you might say that its hard to judge which ones you liked best, because they don't show the finish materials, the colors etc, that are so important to the look and feel.. But if there was no doorways into the bedroom, or if the shower was in the dining room, you would know there were going to be some problems. That's the sort of things that lyrics should be critiqued on.

Beyond that, if many people relate to it easily, that's a sign that your lyric will find broad acceptance. A lyric about the osmosis of poison up a plant stem may not find the acceptance of, say a song about racing a car down a mountain road and finding out that the brakes don't work.

Cheers.
#7December 9th, 2007 · 08:44 PM
115 threads / 18 songs
1,414 posts
United States of America
hey, there.  just trying to reply to your question about the title line.

what I was getting as was that normal english grammar suggests the usage of "Everything" and "Alright" rather than the words you chose.  I was just trying to figure out if you were trying to intentionally weave an extra message into the line, or if it was actually an *error* in the way you've typed it.  that's all.

i'm not really suggesting you change anything, unless you decide that the words you intended to use were actually the alter forms I suggested to clean up the grammar, if you so desire.

Later
#8December 11th, 2007 · 01:51 AM
30 threads
169 posts
United States of America
every thing's all right
TonightsLastSong wrote…
what I was getting as was that normal english grammar suggests the usage of "Everything" and "Alright" rather than the words you chose.  I was just trying to figure out if you were trying to intentionally weave an extra message into the line, or if it was actually an *error* in the way you've typed it.  that's all.

Good topic. I disagree with regard to "everything" and "alright" constituting 'normal' English grammar. See the dictionary definitions below, and my following explanation.

eve·ry·thing      ˈɛvriˌθɪŋ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[ev-ree-thing] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–pronoun
1.    every thing or particular of an aggregate or total; all.
2.    something extremely important: This news means everything to us.
–noun
3.    something that is extremely or most important: Money is his everything.

al·right      ɔlˈraɪt Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[awl-rahyt] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–adverb
all right.
—Usage note The form alright as a one-word spelling of the phrase all right in all of its senses probably arose by analogy with such words as already and altogether. Although alright is a common spelling in written dialog and in other types of informal writing, all right is used in more formal, edited writing.

As the dictionary definitions indicate, 'everything' and 'alright' are informal and widely accepted single-word spellings of the phrases every thing and all right. But the meanings of the one-word spellings can be taken with slightly different connotations. I wanted to keep the words very precise and literal, to make the meaning of the main idea and main hook very clear. 'Everything' refers to an aggregate of things; all the things in a group. When someone asks, "how's everything", they aren't asking for a rundown of each thing in your life. They are asking a basic consensus of your general situation. You can honestly answer "everything's fine, " even though not every thing is. "Alright", compared to "all right",  has the same wishy washy meaning as "everything, as compared to "every thing"

Most spell checkers will let "everything" go, but will flag "everthing's. 'Every thing' combines an adjective with a noun. 'Everything' combines the two words into one. them, and the result is a pronoun.

If someone says that "everthing's alright", they may  mean that generally things are pretty good. But if they say that "every thing's all right," that means that every single thing is 100% fine. That's what the lyric means. Each word is sung distinctly, crisply.

So in a sense, I didn't so much use them to send a second meaning into that phrase, but I did use them intentionally to convey a slightly different, more absolute clarity to the message.

Does that explanation make sense to you?
#9December 12th, 2007 · 09:51 PM
115 threads / 18 songs
1,414 posts
United States of America
actually, this is precisely what I was asking, about the "All things are Alright/Correct/Okay/Good/Whatever".  It's this difference in nuance that I was asking about.  Though, had your arguement been entirely based on this part of what you said:

Simon wrote…
Although alright is a common spelling in written dialog and in other types of informal writing, all right is used in more formal, edited writing. ....  'everything' and 'alright' are informal and widely accepted single-word spellings of the phrases every thing and all right.

(emphasis added)

Had you been based solely on this idea of formalities, then I would have had to raise my eyebrow, as while the a lyric is indeed a formal, edited piece of work, the lyrics themselves tend to be gliding towards the "informal" side, just with the intimate way they are spoken from the narrator.  Even the use of contractions (like "is" turning to "  's ") is a mark of informal writing, so you can't entirely get away with this in/formal bit.  I would personally prefer an informal wordset in the title, given that the lyric is indeed speaking in an informal tone, even if it is an edited piece of work by an author. 

But, again, since you're interested in preserving the small nuances present in the intentional use of these words, then your astute readers/listeners will be all the more priviledged to have had you put such time and craft into your words.
#10December 12th, 2007 · 10:32 PM
77 threads / 45 songs
2,296 posts
United States of America
...
Has anyone on the amp.or not on the amp, put music to any of your lyrics ?.....If so, can you please post a link to the song(s)......

Thanks

Flyer
#11December 13th, 2007 · 02:34 AM
27 threads / 2 songs
179 posts
Canada
As to TSL's post abut the title being a formal edited piece.....wow! lol A song is not what is considered formal. If songs stuck strictly to all grammatical and spelling rules, then we would be left without so many good songs. A song is an oral picture of what the songwriter feels or wants to convey. It is not a legal contract needing to be clear and concise in every meaning and nuance. When considering the lyrics of a song/title you should take it in view of an average listener. Songs arent written for english professors but for construction workers, soldiers, house wives, car salesmen, and the unemployed. It is meant to be enjoyed and danced to. Not picked apart on the basis of grammer or punctuation. Of course the song needs coherence and flow. Grammer and punctuation are definately a major part to the extent of making the song coherent, but it should not be what defines it.

In other words: Read/listen to the song. Take what it means to you on one or two times through and live with it, because a song can mean different things to different people and that is alright in my books. I think I've covered everything.

Nice song btw....I really enjoyed it! Thanks!    -Mark
#12December 13th, 2007 · 12:16 PM
30 threads
169 posts
United States of America
formal / informal
I was not inferring that the requirements of formal writing influenced my word choices.

In my reply above, I delved into that subject strictly to explore the differences in the potential meanings between the formal and informal use. I wanted to preserve the formal meaning, therefore I used a more formal structure. The written difference is unimportant, but it is intended also to direct the vocal delivery to emphasize precision in expression.

In the end, it's up to the performer to decide how to play it. I like it the way it is. But it works for me either way.
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