let me know what you think, cheers.



Oh no; I used to be,
Someone good, someone free.
Now I know I’m…I’m a little strange
but I can’t go back now the rules have changed.

If I follow my underground sound it’ll,
pull me in and pin me down
and I’ll be someone new,
someone you would like to do,
a favour for a pretty friend,
Dorian Gray, yeah? I’ll pretend!


I’ll hunt you down, I’ll call you out,
I’ll make you scream my name
for that there is no doubt,
and we’ll lie.  Stoned, while we are drained.
We’ll sweat, we’ll sleep, we’ll smile, we’ll sing,
we’ll… start again.

And if tomorrow, you find me out, well,
the deed is done and I’m heading out.
And you’ve seen through the lies,
through the ageless disguise,
just rip it off and let me see
if my smile still can hang free.


Chorus

Change the way you think of madness,
although your eyes can’t see.
Take your brush and paint your futures canvas
It’ll be the death of me.
Check the stains on your dirty mattress,
It’s for the world to see,
You may rule the filth you mastered,
You won’t rule me.



Horror show; can’t let it go,
I’ve lived so long I’ve fused my bones to my soul.
Now I know I’m…I’m all to blame.
Face the facts cause you’d do the same!

If you follow your underground sound you’ll
Crack the smile that will please the crowd
And you’ll be no-ones tool,
there is always one to fool,
to your end, what’s to offend?
Dorian Gray, yeah? I’ll pretend.


Chorus

I really like this .... a lot
It's deep dark with enough meaningful poetical twists to keep it interesting.

I would like to hear it sung / spoken / vocally expressed, as this would bring out the correct sense and tenses.
It is a weighted piece that would make a very good final production if you put your old fused bones and soul into it.
I dont like 'Underground sound' it's too simple and corny compared to the serious depth of the piece .... a simple word like 'inner sound' would say it as well, keep the seriousness and not jump out out with its trousers down !

Really really like this bit :
"Change the way you think of madness,
although your eyes can’t see.
Take your brush and paint your futures canvas
It’ll be the death of me." 

If you do 'produce' it further you'll either do it exactly as it is written or you will end up remoulding it to the music, but I'd really like to hear it what ever you do with it.

Thanks for the considered words, much appreciated.  I have made this into a song, I'll upload it soon.  I see what you are saying with 'underground sound' a bit in your face but the syllables sit really well with the construct of the song,  I'll maybe see if I can tinker with the word choice though and find something that still fits.