#1December 18th, 2012 · 04:42 PM
3 threads / 1 songs
9 posts
United Kingdom
Why Pretend?
let me know what you think, cheers.



Oh no; I used to be,
Someone good, someone free.
Now I know I知I知 a little strange
but I can稚 go back now the rules have changed.

If I follow my underground sound it値l,
pull me in and pin me down
and I値l be someone new,
someone you would like to do,
a favour for a pretty friend,
Dorian Gray, yeah? I値l pretend!


I値l hunt you down, I値l call you out,
I値l make you scream my name
for that there is no doubt,
and we値l lie.  Stoned, while we are drained.
We値l sweat, we値l sleep, we値l smile, we値l sing,
we値l start again.

And if tomorrow, you find me out, well,
the deed is done and I知 heading out.
And you致e seen through the lies,
through the ageless disguise,
just rip it off and let me see
if my smile still can hang free.


Chorus

Change the way you think of madness,
although your eyes can稚 see.
Take your brush and paint your futures canvas
It値l be the death of me.
Check the stains on your dirty mattress,
It痴 for the world to see,
You may rule the filth you mastered,
You won稚 rule me.




Horror show; can稚 let it go,
I致e lived so long I致e fused my bones to my soul.
Now I know I知I知 all to blame.
Face the facts cause you壇 do the same!

If you follow your underground sound you値l
Crack the smile that will please the crowd
And you値l be no-ones tool,
there is always one to fool,
to your end, what痴 to offend?
Dorian Gray, yeah? I値l pretend.


Chorus
#2December 27th, 2012 · 06:30 AM
340 threads / 59 songs
4,344 posts
United Kingdom
I really like this .... a lot
It's deep dark with enough meaningful poetical twists to keep it interesting.

I would like to hear it sung / spoken / vocally expressed, as this would bring out the correct sense and tenses.
It is a weighted piece that would make a very good final production if you put your old fused bones and soul into it.
I dont like 'Underground sound' it's too simple and corny compared to the serious depth of the piece .... a simple word like 'inner sound' would say it as well, keep the seriousness and not jump out out with its trousers down !

Really really like this bit :
"Change the way you think of madness,
although your eyes can稚 see.
Take your brush and paint your futures canvas
It値l be the death of me." 

If you do 'produce' it further you'll either do it exactly as it is written or you will end up remoulding it to the music, but I'd really like to hear it what ever you do with it.
#3December 28th, 2012 · 09:23 AM
3 threads / 1 songs
9 posts
United Kingdom
Thanks for the considered words, much appreciated.  I have made this into a song, I'll upload it soon.  I see what you are saying with 'underground sound' a bit in your face but the syllables sit really well with the construct of the song,  I'll maybe see if I can tinker with the word choice though and find something that still fits.
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