#1December 30th, 2006 · 11:52 PM
91 threads
73 posts
United States of America
LOOKING BEHIND YOU
i dont know what you sayin'
so why cant you tell the truth
i must be unfamiliar with the game your playin'
it doesnt sound like you

when you're walking down the street
you always look to see who's at your back
maybe someone you never wish to meet
so just stop
you keep on looking back

you're not who you used to be
and i liked you better
when you were who you were
but now you're just to fake

you pick out the preppy clothes
like wearing turtle neck sweaters
trying to look like youre better
than everyone.

when you're walking down the street
you always look to see who's at your back
maybe someone you never wish to meet
so just stop
you keep on looking back

you were on a good track
doing pretty well
but then you let thoughts and opinions get to you
and you cant stop watching your back

when you're walking down the street
you always look to see who's at your back
maybe someone you never wish to meet
so just stop
you keep on looking back
#2December 31st, 2006 · 04:55 PM
30 threads
169 posts
United States of America
good ideas
I like the idea here, which is very clear. But the execution isn't your best - not very inspired or as skillful as some of your recent posts. Is this something you wrote awhile back?

I like the chorus, but it there is something a little weak about it. I think changing just a word or two would help make it more concise, such as this example:

"when you're walking down the street
you always look to see who's at your back
Someone you never wish to meet
just stop -
don't keep on looking back"

Likewise, how about the first line sounding more like:
"I don't know what your lies mean"

The lines about particular clothes - preppy clothes and turtlenecks - this reveals more about you than about the person you are talking too. You interpret these types of clothing to be a snobby. But prep and turtlenecks are pretty conventinal, middle class styles. It isn't like he/she is dressing in top hats or diamonds. So it sounds like maybe you are misinterpreting this persons actions. Its hard to say, but you sound like you have a chip on your shoulder against conventional forms of clothing. This shifts the perception of the song. Now it sounds like you and your  friend shared rebelious attitudes, but now you feel betrayed because he/she has traded your views for something more conventional, and you are crying over spilled milk. I don't think this is what you are trying to convey. Try to come up with some more 'upscale' clothing styles to make your point. "Preppy" could still work in there, but it alienates everyone who is sympathetic to prep clothing, because you basically are saying that it connotes snobbery. You want to point toward stles of clothing that the wearer WOULD feel like it made them really cool - something with a lot of status implied.

I like the last verse before the final chorus, but I think it can be strengthened by changing a word or two again. What about making the last two lines,

"but then you let peoples opinions get to you
now you can't stop watching your back"

Just my thoughts. Feel free to use them, ignore them, or print them out and rip them into confetti to through at NEW YEARS!
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