#1December 23rd, 2006 · 05:42 PM
341 threads / 59 songs
4,361 posts
Cymru (Wales)
He steps
It is what it is and maybe a little more! 

He steps out of his bed
He shakes awake
His newborn head
He finds himself there
Just walking on the stair
Holding on
To something that is gone
But yet is still hanging
In the air
He carries on and drives off
Into nowhere

He steps out of his car
He steps into the office
He goes down to the coffee bar
He wants to get it on
She tells him to get off it

He steps out of the office
He steps into his car
He steps these steps
The steps that you are

He steps out of the blue
He steps around
He watches you dance like clowns
He steps straight through you

He steps out of time
He steps onto the bus
He steps out of his mind
He is now one of us

He steps out side
He steps out on to the street
He steps into a state of serenity
And falls back into sleep
#2December 24th, 2006 · 01:27 AM
30 threads
169 posts
United States of America
sounds like my day...
This sounds like a good vehicle for a fun rythmic exercise and accompanying music video, complete with some dazzling computer graphics - I'm serious. So many images come cascading through, and the short lines can adapt to quick rythm and instrumental changes - or not. Do you have music in mind?

You're comment that 'it is what it is' doesn't really invite literary critisism, and not everything needs to be critiqued from that point of view - so I'll leave off interpretation here.

As a piece of writing, its okay, but as lyrics for the right music, I think it could be dynamite.
#3December 24th, 2006 · 06:31 AM
341 threads / 59 songs
4,361 posts
Cymru (Wales)
Cheers simon, yes it is meant as a lyric and no I don't really have any set music for it as yet.
There is David Byrne influence in there, he has a song about a man floating out of the window and over the park, and I just wanted to give the same figure a 'real' life too.

Funny, I just saw this : "..and drives off, Into nowhere" also a David Byrne influence but from a different song, this is what I meant with experiences influencing every thing we ever do, one builds on the other as we move forwards.

[edit] I've just changed 'one with us' to 'one of us' it's better!
#4December 24th, 2006 · 11:05 PM
30 threads
169 posts
United States of America
I agree with the change. I noted it on the first read, but its such a quirky piece that I didn't feel right picking at individual words. When I say it will work better with music than as a stand-alone poetry, I think that is mainly due to the constant repetition. 16 of the 32 lines begin with "He steps", which is why I see it in something very rythmic. I hear people cautioning abotu repetition all the time, but set to music it CAN be quite effective.
#5December 27th, 2006 · 01:52 PM
117 threads / 20 songs
1,422 posts
United States of America
just don't make it sound like a broken record   unless, of course, that you have something to say by making it sound like it's broken.

.. the lyrics don't feel broken-- that's not what i meant to imply

i have to say, that i feel slightly baffled by the underlying meanings.  perhaps it's because my head is a little tired right now...  perhaps.  Then again.  It is what it is...

i like the line about dancing as clowns.  i guess the "you" is plural since "clowns" is presented as a plural.

i havn't yet found the meaning of "...The steps that you are".  the closest that i can get is to say that the Steps that he's taking are helping himself to get to where he wants to go.. and then the parallel:  You are the steps.  I imagine that this is trying to say that , even though we may hate him (for instance, even though the girl at the bar tells him to "get off it,") we are the very ones who are helping him, ie, being his steps so that he can do all of the very things that we hate him for.

of course, then he sits back and laughs at us for dancing for him... dancing to HIS drum.  and he knows it (to some extent), else he wouldn't sit back and laugh quite yet. 

the end of the 1st stanza, and the beginning of the 5th sort of through me off the trail though.  He drives into nowhere... does that mean that he's just driving with no destination in mind (like when we say that we are going "nowhere in particular"), or did he really go to a place that resembles nothingness?   the reason i threw in that last suggestion is because of the 5th stanza, where it says that he steps out of time.  again... are we talking literally?    it seems that not everything is quite as it may appear here.

this is the sort of thing that i imagine a music video for

*shrugs*   am i way off, or am i onto something?

#6December 27th, 2006 · 02:30 PM
341 threads / 59 songs
4,361 posts
Cymru (Wales)
Well your well into something any way TLS!
This commenting on lyrics can be a full time occupation.

Don't know if you read the other comments? I had said that it has a strong David Byrne influence not only in the underlying idea but also in some lyrical senses, like driving into nowhere, 'the road to nowhere' you know? The nowhere that is our everything!

You is just you, you in general, the ones that are not him. He is the fool on the hill who sees more of you than you realise as he floats through you in his dream.
But when he 'steps the steps that you are' he is also just a regular guy trying to get it on with the secretary.

I don't understand why you have to hate him! He is you, just a regular guy with something special!

And when he is 'one of us' he has stepped out and has become one with the ones that are narrating the piece.

"No mortal man can win this day"
#7December 27th, 2006 · 02:40 PM
117 threads / 20 songs
1,422 posts
United States of America
well, i'm not saying that I hate him, but rather, i'm just trying to project the atmosphere that i was picking up on that stanza

i did read the other posts, but i wasn't sure if you had thrown some other ideas into the lyric, since, as you said, Byrne was just an influence, and inspiration you didn't plagiarize (ahem) or anything, so i was just on my guard for some other meanings that might be floating around.  .. pun intended, i guess

i guess it was the transitioning ideas of his dream and him floating through people, and his real experiences that was throwing me off
#8December 27th, 2006 · 02:57 PM
341 threads / 59 songs
4,361 posts
Cymru (Wales)
As you your self said, you see it done to a video,  that would be the icing on the cake.
I know most of what it could be already.

Before I took it that far though I'd still like to work on the continuation of this piece, at the moment his journey doesn't follow through, in that he's in bed, at the office, in a car, off his head and the whole thing is a dream any way.
I feel it would be different as an actual song.
#9December 27th, 2006 · 07:18 PM
30 threads
169 posts
United States of America
Let me say this about that...
It is what it is - isn't it enough? Do you need to make it longer? Is it still a little rough? If he steps into the bar room, is it just to get a rush? If he steps out in the darkness, is it just to hear the hush? If the lyrics aren't broken, do they really need repair? If you blow balloons up fuller, will they hold the extra air? Can he really keeps on stepping? Will we still care where he goes? Is his journey so worthwhile, that we'll watch the ebbs and flows? I say leave him where you left him, give his feet a little rest. If his secretary's happy, then he's done what he does best! My suggetion is to focus on the music and the dough, cause you're going to make a bundle when you sell the video!! 
#10December 27th, 2006 · 07:52 PM
341 threads / 59 songs
4,361 posts
Cymru (Wales)
Guess whose off on one today?    

Yea Money makes money and I'm penniless in a country that doesn't even take pennies!

The song would be the first step though. 
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