These are actually three separate pieces that landed on the page together,

I think they could make a song!


Standing here at the edge of time
                              telling my self that your all mine
While all along you were the one
                              I only had to take you on

Woman indeed, where do I know you from?
Woman in need, I know what your on
I had dreams before I met you,
but God it’s been so long

Standing here on this hour glass
waiting for the sands to pass
I know dam well of the spells you cast
I have to tell you every thing,          tied to this mast

                - - - -

I don’t really care if your really there
As long as I can sing it to the stars
Oo La La Oo La La Yea

I know the moon reflects the light
Within your hart
I’ve asked around and found no sound
Of any doubts they seem to say you bear
Oo La La Oo La La Yea

I’ve seen you look upon the sky
                            with longing in your eye
It really makes me wonder
                            what you think were under
Oo La La Oo La La Yea

I’ve had to stand before today
Before strangers had to say
“If loving you is this then        I see no other way”
Oo La La Oo La La Yea

                - - - -

When I said that I loved you I meant that I loved you
And that I meant it from the bottom of my hart

So when I said that I hated you I meant that I hated you
And that I could just tare you apart

Because your heaven feels like heaven
And your lies just feel like shit
And your streets are paved
with sacrifices made
And I have to clean up every bit.

woah.  i like all of these pieces (i can see where you said that they were three different pieces originally).

to be honest, i think that Oohs and Laahs should come back into songs.  I was actually just making this argument to a friend about a week ago.  Sure, there may be some poor executions of such things as Ooh and Laa in the music world, but there`s some great ones too.  I used to see it as silly and childish, but after a while i`ve begun to take them more as excuses to use a melody but without using words to destract your attention!  i like it.

sorry, i`m getting tired.. my brain isn`t coming up with as many good things to takl about and critique.

though, i have to say, i like the following lines...

I know dam well of the spells you cast
I have to tell you every thing,
tied to this mast

both you and Simon can paint pictures in my head.  a job well done

XO, TLS

I like it, which is disappointing, because I want to love it. But ending this very lyrical piece with analogies to cleaning up shit just doesn't do this piece, nor your talents, justice. The rest is fantastic, and this was a complete letdown for me. It seems completely out of place with the rest of the song.

It's amazing that you wrote three pieces and were able to throw then down to this otherwise wonderful effect - a tribute to your lyrical ear.

I wonder how you sing the "oo la la"-thing... hmm...
hehe 

I'm sure it's good.. I'm just not in that mood today. 
I'll come back later...

I like this part:
"Standing here on this hour glass
waiting for the sands to pass
I know dam well of the spells you cast
I have to tell you every thing,          tied to this mast"


It's just the "oo la la" that confuses me... Is it a pop-song, or what??

 

I am your Defender (private joke) on that. I agree with TLS. Sure it can get old, but it can also be really cool. And if there is one word to sum up your lyrics, it's "cool", man, "cool"

Cool! Thank you!

And then there were four!

Yes, this 'Oo La Yea' thing. TLS brings it up and Kine wants to know how I'd sing it.
I try and be clear and articulate and I have a sarcastic side so if you hear them 'clearly in your face' then you know their right!
Exactly as TLS says : As long as your OoOo's and LaLa's come in the right place then I'm all for'em. Oooo Baby Yeaaa

What about :
She loves me Yea Yea Yea!
Or
'Oo Oo Oo Yea Yea,
It's just an illusion'
There's just so much going on in that first line!

Simon, I know 
That's just what a sense of humor does though!
The last line just happened to be the last line of the third poem, and I do like it but I do understand where your coming from.

About the fact that they are three different pieces, well they are written around the same time and if Love is the main subject then it's quite possible to put things together, David Bowie style!

O, and thank you all for your comments

i like it. its great because it is so smooth and you can really get a visual idea from it more. like it tells a story or something. well of course it does.
 what kind of style were you going for?

What kind of style? Well now that you ask and I look at it, I'd say, well I've always loved Queen, the operatic, sudden changes, one song being made up of very different though connected emotions.

The three pieces, as they are, do go from 'the eternal dream vision' to the 'the song for the sake of the song' to 'the harsh reality'

I'll draw some lines to make it clearer, though TLS has seen them!