#1September 2nd, 2012 · 01:28 PM
188 threads / 27 songs
2,825 posts
Germany
Tide Goes Up
Had a song in mind for about three years now and invited a friend to write some lyrics
Please tell me what you think.....



1
Don't know how I ever came to be there
Seems the current was too strong after all
Some will shrug, yes I could drown for all that they care
If I fall

2
One false move and you're face-down in the gutter
One right move and you alone have saved the day
Nothing's to last, and even less to last forever
I can't stay

Chorus
But the tide goes up, and I keep swimming
The horizons's clear and I keep clinging
To anything afloat, to all that gets me to the shore
Anything to hold on to


3
If I win, I get to take away the big prize
And if I fail, I fail miserably
They tell big promises and I just hear the big lies
And I believe

4
My strength is fading, I can't hold out for much longer
That upward draft just keeps eluding me
Time alone will decide if I am stronger -
Or the sea

Chorus
Chorus

Solo

Chorus
#2September 2nd, 2012 · 03:54 PM
340 threads / 59 songs
4,344 posts
United Kingdom
I like this, the story is well put, it keeps track of the point and follows poetically.
The English part of my brain is reading it wanting to re-phrase some bits but it's still coherent as it is.
I've got to say though that you'd have to be a fish for the sea to go up .... your 'usually' out of the water (even swimming ) so the sea comes up and goes down ... it's a perspective thing! .... the tide comes in and goes out. ; )
#3September 4th, 2012 · 03:46 AM
188 threads / 27 songs
2,825 posts
Germany
Tide Comes In? not Goes Up?
#4September 4th, 2012 · 05:43 AM
340 threads / 59 songs
4,344 posts
United Kingdom
TritonKeyboarder wrote…
Tide Comes In? not Goes Up?
You can say 'The tide goes up', there's no law saying you cant . It just sound odd ... this does make a language boring, if you cant jumble things around but if it makes the reader / listener 'look at it side ways' then there you have it, an 'unspoken law' of conveying an aural message.

Anyway 'The tides coming in'  conveys so much more, is much more imminent ... tick tock ... wet feet ... lots of imagery and is 'accepted' by the ear .....
#5September 4th, 2012 · 05:52 AM
340 threads / 59 songs
4,344 posts
United Kingdom
I really do like the second verse :
One false move and you're face-down in the gutter
One right move and you alone have saved the day
Nothing's to last, and even less to last forever
I can't stay

The Nothing's to last bit is a twister for the tongue but is ok if you know it's coming.

I could be wrong of course .... your subject is in the water and is wondering whether he is stronger than the sea or not .... so maybe it's right ? ....... No, he would say "The tide is coming up", even better "The tide rises" that has a ring, a roll and a rhyme to it too
#6September 6th, 2012 · 09:21 AM
371 threads / 187 songs
3,384 posts
United Kingdom
kings wrote…
I like this, the story is well put, it keeps track of the point and follows poetically.
The English part of my brain is reading it wanting to re-phrase some bits but it's still coherent as it is.
I've got to say though that you'd have to be a fish for the sea to go up .... your 'usually' out of the water (even swimming ) so the sea comes up and goes down ... it's a perspective thing! .... the tide comes in and goes out. ; )

'Tide goes up' fits the lyrics, makes perfect sense to me, even though traditionally the tide goes in and out.
Could say the water level goes up, but that sounds PANTS

Googled : ide/tīd/
Noun:   
The alternate rising and falling of the sea, usually twice in each lunar day at a particular place, due to the attraction of the moon.
#7September 6th, 2012 · 11:36 AM
188 threads / 27 songs
2,825 posts
Germany
Thanks for reviewing these special lyrics although they are not written by me.
But I can see that even both of you are not sure what is usual English and what's not.

Thinking: the moon is very attractive to me
#8September 7th, 2012 · 05:18 AM
340 threads / 59 songs
4,344 posts
United Kingdom
"tide goes in, tide goes out"

#9September 7th, 2012 · 05:27 AM
340 threads / 59 songs
4,344 posts
United Kingdom
Denis wrote…
kings wrote…
I like this, the story is well put, it keeps track of the point and follows poetically.
The English part of my brain is reading it wanting to re-phrase some bits but it's still coherent as it is.
I've got to say though that you'd have to be a fish for the sea to go up .... your 'usually' out of the water (even swimming ) so the sea comes up and goes down ... it's a perspective thing! .... the tide comes in and goes out. ; )

'Tide goes up' fits the lyrics, makes perfect sense to me, even though traditionally the tide goes in and out.
Could say the water level goes up, but that sounds PANTS

Googled : ide/tīd/
Noun:   
The alternate rising and falling of the sea, usually twice in each lunar day at a particular place, due to the attraction of the moon.
I made a google for "the tide goes up" ... it does not really appear as a sentence in that form ... a bit of general info though .... The Sun goes up and goes down ... and comes up, but does not come down ... lol

WELL! maybe in a well written poem the Sun could come down .... but the the tide going up remains a strange image to me !    
Sorry, you do not have access to post...
Wanna post? Join Today!

Server Time: September 29th, 2020 · 6:32 PM
© 2002-2012 BandAMP. All Rights Reserved.