| Tide Goes Up |
Had a song in mind for about three years now and invited a friend to write some lyrics
Please tell me what you think.....
1
Don't know how I ever came to be there
Seems the current was too strong after all
Some will shrug, yes I could drown for all that they care
If I fall
2
One false move and you're face-down in the gutter
One right move and you alone have saved the day
Nothing's to last, and even less to last forever
I can't stay
Chorus
But the tide goes up, and I keep swimming
The horizons's clear and I keep clinging
To anything afloat, to all that gets me to the shore
Anything to hold on to
3
If I win, I get to take away the big prize
And if I fail, I fail miserably
They tell big promises and I just hear the big lies
And I believe
4
My strength is fading, I can't hold out for much longer
That upward draft just keeps eluding me
Time alone will decide if I am stronger -
Or the sea
Chorus
Chorus
Solo
Chorus
Please tell me what you think.....
1
Don't know how I ever came to be there
Seems the current was too strong after all
Some will shrug, yes I could drown for all that they care
If I fall
2
One false move and you're face-down in the gutter
One right move and you alone have saved the day
Nothing's to last, and even less to last forever
I can't stay
Chorus
But the tide goes up, and I keep swimming
The horizons's clear and I keep clinging
To anything afloat, to all that gets me to the shore
Anything to hold on to
3
If I win, I get to take away the big prize
And if I fail, I fail miserably
They tell big promises and I just hear the big lies
And I believe
4
My strength is fading, I can't hold out for much longer
That upward draft just keeps eluding me
Time alone will decide if I am stronger -
Or the sea
Chorus
Chorus
Solo
Chorus
I like this, the story is well put, it keeps track of the point and follows poetically.
The English part of my brain is reading it wanting to re-phrase some bits but it's still coherent as it is.
I've got to say though that you'd have to be a fish for the sea to go up .... your 'usually' out of the water (even swimming ) so the sea comes up and goes down ... it's a perspective thing! .... the tide comes in and goes out. ; )
The English part of my brain is reading it wanting to re-phrase some bits but it's still coherent as it is.
I've got to say though that you'd have to be a fish for the sea to go up .... your 'usually' out of the water (even swimming ) so the sea comes up and goes down ... it's a perspective thing! .... the tide comes in and goes out. ; )
Tide Comes In? not Goes Up?
TritonKeyboarder wrote…
Tide Comes In? not Goes Up?
Anyway 'The tides coming in' conveys so much more, is much more imminent ... tick tock ... wet feet ... lots of imagery and is 'accepted' by the ear .....
I really do like the second verse :
One false move and you're face-down in the gutter
One right move and you alone have saved the day
Nothing's to last, and even less to last forever
I can't stay
The Nothing's to last bit is a twister for the tongue but is ok if you know it's coming.
I could be wrong of course .... your subject is in the water and is wondering whether he is stronger than the sea or not .... so maybe it's right ? ....... No, he would say "The tide is coming up", even better "The tide rises" that has a ring, a roll and a rhyme to it too
One false move and you're face-down in the gutter
One right move and you alone have saved the day
Nothing's to last, and even less to last forever
I can't stay
The Nothing's to last bit is a twister for the tongue but is ok if you know it's coming.
I could be wrong of course .... your subject is in the water and is wondering whether he is stronger than the sea or not .... so maybe it's right ? ....... No, he would say "The tide is coming up", even better "The tide rises" that has a ring, a roll and a rhyme to it too
kings wrote…
I like this, the story is well put, it keeps track of the point and follows poetically.
The English part of my brain is reading it wanting to re-phrase some bits but it's still coherent as it is.
I've got to say though that you'd have to be a fish for the sea to go up .... your 'usually' out of the water (even swimming ) so the sea comes up and goes down ... it's a perspective thing! .... the tide comes in and goes out. ; )
'Tide goes up' fits the lyrics, makes perfect sense to me, even though traditionally the tide goes in and out.
Could say the water level goes up, but that sounds PANTS
Googled : ide/tīd/
Noun:
The alternate rising and falling of the sea, usually twice in each lunar day at a particular place, due to the attraction of the moon.
Thanks for reviewing these special lyrics although they are not written by me.
But I can see that even both of you are not sure what is usual English and what's not.
Thinking: the moon is very attractive to me
But I can see that even both of you are not sure what is usual English and what's not.
Thinking: the moon is very attractive to me
Denis wrote…
kings wrote…
I like this, the story is well put, it keeps track of the point and follows poetically.
The English part of my brain is reading it wanting to re-phrase some bits but it's still coherent as it is.
I've got to say though that you'd have to be a fish for the sea to go up .... your 'usually' out of the water (even swimming ) so the sea comes up and goes down ... it's a perspective thing! .... the tide comes in and goes out. ; )
'Tide goes up' fits the lyrics, makes perfect sense to me, even though traditionally the tide goes in and out.
Could say the water level goes up, but that sounds PANTS
Googled : ide/tīd/
Noun:
The alternate rising and falling of the sea, usually twice in each lunar day at a particular place, due to the attraction of the moon.
WELL! maybe in a well written poem the Sun could come down .... but the the tide going up remains a strange image to me !
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