#1December 5th, 2007 · 08:45 PM
27 threads / 2 songs
179 posts
Canada
Fully Loaded Russian Roullette
This song is something I personally enjoy. I only write lyrics, so if anyone can put a tune o it, I would love to hear any suggestions. I realise it is a bit long and any recomendations for cutting parts, I will take very seriously. Thanks. Hope you enjoy it. -Mark



                           Fully Loaded Russian Roulette

I think it's too soon;                                             

I think it's too late;                                          

Indecision has broken loose again;                                   
It blew through here like a hurricaine;
It crashed and burned leaving
nothing to spare;                   
The day is charged like static on air;                           

Nothing left but ashes and pain;                                       
  Realization ensues;                                               
I have everything to gain;                                         
  And I have nothing to lose;                                      
                                         
Lady luck and I need no introduction;                              
  My creation starts with her destruction;                         
C'mon and climb on in for a crazy ride;                              
  Cause, soon you're gonna see the other side;                     
             
Hang on baby, just hold on tight;                                      
  We're gonna ride this high all freakin' night;                   
You're given a choice, you've gotta choose;                        
  Cause in the end you have nothing to lose;                       
Life is full of these hair triggered moments;                      
  An eighth of an inch can be the difference;                      
Between right and wrong and everything that matters;               
  Now bite the bullet baby, hope nothing splatters;                
Hang on baby, just hold on tight;                                  
  We're gonna ride this high all freakin' night;                   
You're given a choice, you've gotta choose;                        
  Cause in the end, you have nothing to lose;                      
Life to you is just one big game;                                      
  Well it is and its got a name;                                   
Yeah, we play every day now place your bet;                        
  Cause it's Fully Loaded Russian Roullette;                       

A half dozen bullets and a six pack;                                       
  All I see is red, and I put it all on black;                     
Now then, we close our eyes and spin the wheel;                   
  The chips are down... now drop the ball.... now taste the steel; 

Hang on baby, just hold on tight;                                  
  We're gonna ride this high all freakin' night;                   
You're given a choice, you've gotta choose;                         
  Cause in the end what have you to lose;                          
Life is full of these hair triggered moments;                          
  An eighth of an inch can be the difference;                      
Between right and wrong and everything that matters;               
  Now bite the bullet baby hope nothing splatters;                 
A half dozen bullets and a six pack;                               
  All I see is red, and I put it all on black;                        
Now then, we close our eyes and spin the wheel;                    
  The chips are down... now drop the ball.... now taste the steel; 

            Another shot in the darkness;                         
              Another life changed;                               
            Nothing left but emptiness;                           
              And a sidewalk stained;                              
               
            I think it's Too Late........                               


*It's about taking chances, no matter what the odds or outcome. aka living on the edge :P
#2December 9th, 2007 · 06:23 PM
30 threads
169 posts
United States of America
a lot
A lot of good writing. You need to learn music structures to turn this into a song with some commercial potential.

Your chorus in this case should relate to your title. It's a gimmick, a device, and you need to ride it as hard as you can. This would be your chorus:

 Life to you is just one big game;                                     
  Well it is and its got a name;                                  
Yeah, we play every day now place your bet;                       
  Cause it's Fully Loaded Russian Roullette;     

You can't have any more verses with the same structure (melody, rhythm and rhyme scheme). Cut and paste them onto another page and use them to create a different song. There's no room for them here.

Your verse structure comes from V1 (well written). Write 2 more that match this. You can use the ideas from your discarded verses.

Your current V2 (well-written) becomes your bridge. Now you have 3 verses, a bridge and a repetitive chorus. Your song might look like this:

INTRO / VERSE / VERSE / CHORUS / VERSE / BRIDGE / CHORUS.

Put the bridge wherever you like it. Write your verses around the chorus, so it relates well each time you come back. But make each verse reveal a new part of the story. Some of your discarded verses are cool and catchy and have good hooks, but they don't tell us anything new, so they get boring.

I hope this helps. According to my suggestions you only need two verses to match V1 and you will have a really fine lyric.

Good luck / Good writing.
#3December 9th, 2007 · 08:56 PM
97 threads / 43 songs
500 posts
Australia
Yes, this is some good writing.
I agree with Simon's comments.
There's some great writing in here, the chorus is quite slick, shame you don't have a tune to go with it, that would be great.
#4December 10th, 2007 · 08:23 PM
27 threads / 2 songs
179 posts
Canada
Thanks! This is really good advice. Again, I am new to this whole thing. That is why I am here. There are alot of good people I can learn from here. At the moment I am just a beginner at guitar, but am enthusiastic to learn. I will also purchase FL studio as soon as I can.(Is that the best option for a beginner?)As I get good enough with music, I will try my best to add melody, but for now I leave anything I post open for ideas. Feel free to add a tune to anything I put on the forums. I will post revisions as I make them. Wish me luck!    -Mark
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