I try writing songs all the time, just most of them turn out rubbish. Whereas this one came to me one night, where I wrote the first two verses, and finished it off the next day quite suddenly, and I've been playing it the last couple of days.

This song is quite complicated, as the verses (quite rigid and fast) are in 4/4 time, but transitions into 6/8 for the chorus (or just a slower tempo in quaver triplets maybe...), anyway, here are the lyrics, please feel free to give critique.

V1
Far away I saw the sky,
A thousand faces staring back at mine,
Far away I saw them cry,
The rain was falling down on mine,

V2
And I went walking in my sleep,
I started talking to a stranger,
I gave him back what he could keep,
A home that lay inside a manger,

Chorus
As you float away on hell or high water,
You leave us all soaking and cold,
And we live for you to be remembered,
As you died for us to be free,
And you my dear are not a stranger,
You are just embedded in cold,
You may rest now in a manger,
You may rest, broken and old,

V3
I lay here sleeping let me pray,
The air is cold the sky is grey,
I hope the rain will go away,
I think the thunder is almost over,

Chorus

V4
I walk beneath an amber sky,
I tread a ground alive with fire,
I cannot see you through the smoke,
You cannot save, in time we die,

Chorus (in 4/4 time)

Outro (in 6/8)
I know I was broken and bleeding,
I know you were gone,
But I won't leave you coughing and wheezing,
Under a setting sun,
I know I was broken and bleeding,
I know you were gone,
But I won't leave you coughing and wheezing,
Under a sudden sunset the sun is gone...

This could be a very nice little song.
There's some nice playing on words and imagery going on.
And it's a nice story of loss, searching and finding.

I personally fear songs with too much 'christian' reference, I'm always afraid somebodies going to jump up clapping with arms in the air going 'Hallelujah'.

Though I do enjoy religion as a subject!

sounds like it could fit to a melancholy piano piece... though I have no clue what these lyrics are about. half of it seems like a bad acid trip... and in the other half: who is the "you" you are adressing?

and, I have never heard of a "sudden sunset", there is one to be expected on a predictable time at the end of each day...

hmm... anyway, ...

I like lyrics like these.
I really liked "far away I saw them cry, the rain was falling down on mine"
 

I love the outro too! 

I didn't really understand the first line of the chorus...
"As you float away on hell or high water"

Away on hell?? or high water?

Or maybe it's just my bad english again... 

Hey, thanks for the comments,

To puppetxeno's comment, I see how the words confused you, I seem to have this weird and unexplainable thing about the way the words come out, I suppose I just tend to mix it all up a bit. And the referencing to 'you', even I'm not sure who that means lol, I think it was some old war veteran, like a father figure, but in later reference, it could be the memory of this 'you' person. As for the sudden sunset, I hadn't heard of it before either, I just thought it sounded cool, like how a sunset is this massive colourful romantic picture, it would bring saddness if it wasn't so prominant, i guess...

I dunno, whatever you want it to be, that's what's important.

Oh, and sorry Kings for the Christian feel (it was completely unintended) the song gave you, I'm of no religion as I don't opinionate on something I don't understand.

Anyways, thanks again and I'll post some new stuff later (wrote a newie last night  )

heh, ok, as I said, the lyrics could really fit to something melancholic. in the end it's all about the associations that the observer gets when hearing them... music is a "streaming" art, as opposed to a painting, or poetry, and there lies a difference with song lyrics: song lyrics are clearly embedded into the "streaming" of the music, while poetry stands black-on-white, and only "streams" as much as the observer interprets them.

so in this case, as a long lyric the sunset holds ground, but as poetry, a little less

cheers!