This is actually a poem, but I'm posting it here anyways cuz I 've read some nice poems here as well so I'd like to know what you guys think of this. If you guys can see it as a song, or have ideas, I'd like to hear it.

Melancholy to magic
Sadness to sunshine
Out of something tragic
Something beautiful to find
You wept in your sorrow
Mourning your broken heart
Your world felt so hollow
With everything fallen apart
Why are you alone now
With nothing left to care
And now you’ve made a vow
To never again share
Share love that was so tender
That softened a heart of stone
But now leaves you to wonder
Why you are all alone
Without love so beautiful
That nothing could compare
But now you feel like a fool
Cowering in despair
From love so full of pain
That left you feeling down
Will you ever feel joy again
Or will you continue to frown
Will you ever find someone
Who could bring you to smile
Is all hope really gone
Or would it just take awhile
You are soaking in the rain
Shivering in the biting cold
Will you give in to the pain
Or grab on something to hold
Will you let yourself grow weak
Or let it be known you are indeed strong
Now hear me as I speak
Your misery won’t last long
If you pick yourself up
And learn from this life chapter
Everything will not end up
A full-blown life disaster
Infants did not learn to walk
Without first always falling down
Nether did they learn to talk
Without first sounding like a clown
See, even they know better
Than to give up after a fall
Life is like the weather
It always changes, after all
Wipe those tears off your face
And get up from the floor
Confront tragedy with grace
As I’ve told you before.

i know lots of people might need this pick-me-up

this is a cool poem if u put into a slow rock and get a chorus and u will have a cool song

It could be done as it is but I think you would want to change a few things, if you wanted the best out of it, as a song.

As a poem it's wonderful, in my mothers arms.

And Melancholy to Magic is the perfect title for it, that's just what it does!

this is really good...It has that flow to it...very nice....hope to hear it to music soon...maybe someone here on the amp will give it a try....it does seem more like a poem to me..but thats a good thing also...hmmm  i just seen where you wrote that this is a poem..ok  cool

Flyer

Hi, this is way cool.

I hear it as a song,
It nearly sings itself to me,
I can't help but sing along,
When I hear that molody

Really. A good song. Great stuff. But I notice you are struggling with last lines of your four-line ryhme sceme. Here are some suggestions ...

"Cowering in despair" doesn't work, sounds like you wiggled that word in there with some WD40. What about "Exposed in your despair"?

"Or will you continue to frown" is a wordy mouthful, loses the rythm. The meaning is great. Can you replace 'continue to' with 'always' or ''ever' (meaning forever)

"Or let it be known you are indeed strong" is also too wordy. Just cut out "indeed"  and it sounds great!

"A full-blown life disaster" sounds like you just traded poetry for tabloid expose. The meaning is fine, but it doesn't fit the poetic tone of this piece at all.

"As I've told you before" is a cliche - lose it

But this is just to make an already fine piece tighter.

hey y'all thanks for the comments and suggestions...

to simon,

yeah thanks i love your input. Your suggestions are awesome. THis is a poem, but not the most 'poetic' of mine, per se....it's like storytelling, you know? I think thats why I used 'indeed'.

hmmm... "or will you continue to frown" what do you think of "or will you forever frown"?

as for the last line, I know it is weak..... kind of a bummer as thts the conclusion, eh? I couldnt find the right words....So any suggestions for the last line?


p/s: if anyone wants to use these go ahead, I have no plans of making it into a song myself. just pm me aite!

And walk back out the door?

hmmmmmmmm.....

maybe....

still doesnt sound right..

Would you bloody believe it!
The one line that really jumped out of the page at me and went, Yes!
And simon the salmon goes and tells you to take it out. Nooooooooooo!

'Or will you continue to frown' is a most excellent line! It's in the O's and the W's you see.

It's called 'cynganeddu' and it's about the construct of the words in the structure of the line compared, obviously, with the surrounding verse, it sound like I know what I'm talking about! I don't really, but if you know about it you can hear it, it governs most Welsh poetry.

"Two pints of larger and a packet of crisps please" is a cynghanedd apparently

Any way  

Going through it and the comments I'd say :
What about,
'Your world felt so hollow
With everything fallen apart'
To
Your world felt so hollow
All borrowed and fallen apart

'To never again share' is oddly off but I have no suggestions now

If you drop the 'like' it flows better into Cowering (I like Cowering).
'But now you feel a fool
Cowering in despair

It depends how it's performed,
If it's done as a story the 'indeed' is indeed also ok, but indeed it is long.

If you dropped the 'life' behind 'chapter' and 'disaster', would that fit it?


Love it ..."Life is like the weather
              It always changes, after all"

What about 'You've been there before' at the end?

Or even 'All it takes, is a little more', I like this one because 'takes' clicks with 'grace'. Aha! cynganeddu again.

That is a word I have to use in a song, kings. Like.........

When you walk up to me
I cyn-gan-eddu
When you talk down to me
I cyn-gan-eddu
And its easy to see
Someday you'll end up with me
I cyn-gen-eddu

Maybe not.

Anyways, this just goes to show that we all read it, see it, hear it different.

i like 'all it takes is a little more' somehow...

I dnt know. I think the first four lines are in a different league with the rest of it. It seems the rest of poem is trying desperately hard to be as good as the starting but failing miserably, but thats one man's opinion.