My life was perfect
everything was black and white
so why aren't things
going right

I know the way things are
and how they should be
so why am I
having trouble to see?

The rain is washing me away
from how I should be
the clouds are in my eyes
now I can't see
every thing was black and white
everything mapped out right
so why am I drowning
in this gray night?

falling through
no escape clouds fill my eyes
I've lost my way
pondering into the darkness
I have lost myself
why?

chorus1x 
repeat first verse

I wrote this three years ago for a poetry contest.
lemme know whatcha think!

So what was the result from the poetry compo? keeping it a secret?

I don't think this one is as good as your other post Time, maybe this one is from a few years ago and Time is more resent?
This one seams simpler not as many good word plays, it's like you were on a real gray night, down and feeling poo just trying to say anything, IYKWIM!

Still like to read more, and maybe one day hear more from you.

Keep it up.

[edit] I've just read on your review of my own song 'Dreams mean nothing my friend' that you say this as your best piece. Sorry for having commented so harshly, but I still think the other is better.

But I think this is actually very good, contemplative and dreamy. It's just a little lose around the edges. Maybe you could tighten it up rythmically by changing a word or two?

KINGS AND SIMON:
I just want you to know that critisium isn't bad
and I don't think of it that way at all. I love honesty and appriciate your comments. It's basically about how everything can be so clear as black and white and then it all at once you have no clue who you are or anything.

Read Me PLEZ!

your post on my Excalibur Would Be Nice deserves one for you

the ideas in the poem / song (i`ll just say "song" since this is a music site ) are fine, but i feel like it`s speaking TOO generally, without specific imagery.

i can feel like i`m gazing throught a haze of clouds, but.. What am I straining to see?  you say in the lyric that "I've lost my way", so what are you actually seeing instead of what you were expecting?

play off of the "gray night" theme.  but!  that said, don`t say the words "gray night" over and over again.  once is fine, like you have it.  but rather, stare through a shop window and spot someone you were looking for all along, yet the wet, cold glass seperates the two of you.  i`m not saying that you have to turn it into a blunt love song, but put some frosted glass between you and some person or thing better off than you.

anyway, that`s just my idea-- you don`t have to take it word for word, but definitely try to use some imagery with the rain and a gray night.

one more bit of advice... taking into account what i said, don`t try to turn it into a straight-up story.

hm.. i like the line "pondering into the darkness".  i can`t find the word that i`m searching for in order to explain why i like it   well, i`ll just say that it`s a good verb-preposition-noun combo.  darkness isn`t normally something that someone would ponder "into" , which makes the reader think more about the line (if the reader is in fact reading for meaning!)

*ahem* so anyway, i agree with Simon: It's just a little lose around the edges

XO, TLS

I really appriciate your comments about my song, I am glad that you like that line, I feel brillant now! I really enjoyed your song(since yes it is a music site) and I hope to hear, and read more of you!

read me! yes I know I am Crazy, thank you very much! lol JK!