Moonlight Blossom, alive in the flicker of memory’s flight
The moments we shared seem so far away - so precious and few
I can’t retrace the way that your face, changed in the starlight
But I clearly remember looking at you.

Moonlight Blossom, delicate beauty, intimate friend
You were the one who carried me through, when good times turned bad
You never knew but when I looked at you, I would always pretend -
That you were the lover I never had.

Drawn through the darkness, down to the edge of the water
We never struggled for something to say....
I still recall the sadness we felt when the sun rose
Just watchin' the darkness slippin' away

(With) Moonlight Blossom, everything changes, anything goes
Quick as the insight, born in the starlight, fed on the dew
I still recall the sadness I felt when the sun rose -
'Cause you were the lover I never knew

This is good poetry..also

Flyer

Yes this is a beautiful piece, yet another,
It doesn't excite me as much as the others though.

And I read it as a poem and not as a song, though if your intention is to put it to music it obviously can be.

Boy oh boy, U are doing an male Anna Akhmatova, especially the early writings. Ah well I am thinking of opening a fan club for you. Love the verse, am kind tilted more towrds the third one in particular. Oh for the silence that rings in your verse... you make us bleed even when u r not heard.

Post ur songs, please please.

Thank you, Songwriter. I suppose I too think of the 3rd verse as the silent one, the one where lttle is said that reveals so much. It's like a little unexpected discovery of your own, that gives you insight into what the song is really about, and prepares you for verse 4.

hehe... let`s go into some details people!

okay, with the line "your face, changed in the starlight" the comma is a little funky.  if you`re using it to break according to the way the melody breaks, then that`s cool.  but, as i read it, it was just a little odd.  no biggie though.  nobody sees punctuation in the final recording.  it`s just that it threw off my rhythm at first.

yup, i`m a big fan of that 3rd section, about being drawn into the darkness and going down to the water`s edge.  i was just about to complain that there`s no explination of what the water is really.  it`s an isolated enigma, all by itself. but, then... (once again, you sly person, you) i changed my mind.  i like it without explination.  it stays true to the writer`s inability to pay attention to detail; ie, "I can’t retrace the way... But I clearly remember looking..."  .  so anyway, it seems natural to me to leave out a detail or two about what was going on.  and quite frankly, despite the shrouded intended meaning, whether or not the water is figurative or tangible to what happened, doesn`t really matter to the one listening.

finally, i have to admit that i find the line "fed on the dew" a little bit of a stretch to ryhme with your final line.  since the rest of your song rhymes, i can`t just say "don`t feel like you have to rhyme"... so, instead... i would pitch out some other suggestions:

Quick as the insight, born in the starlight...

[fed on the dew]
(it`s) something of a brilliant hue  (hehe)
this is something new
you`ve cut right through (me)
and so (it/this) goes, one time, two...

yada yada... i`m just trying to make your imagination start jogging.  any ideas?

overall vote... very nice. i gave it a 91.66666666666

 

XO, TLS

TLS, you are like a lyrical editor - hou're HIRED!

This was written some time ago when I was still looking to present and reshape my own experiences through lyrics. The entire song is a lyrical narative referencing a single night of my life - a night of insight and sadness. You can read it quite literally - including the water That's all I will say.

Hey I like it! Do you have music written for it. Lyrics are music, however instrumentation is good too!