1 2

#1November 17th, 2006 · 04:06 PM
30 threads
169 posts
United States of America
If I Could Write The Song
If I could write the music
If I could sing the song
If the strings did not confuse me
When I tried to strum along

If my talents were so nimble
I could play a spare duet
My fingers on the clavichord
My lips on clarinet

My voice a golden baritone
Alighting on your ears
Cascading through your heart and soul
And flowing through your tears   

I would serenade the beauty
Radiating from your eyes
Full of sultry innuendo
Veiled thinly by disguise

And the music and the lyrics
Would combine to sound so sweet
To thrill you in the places where
You hide your passion’s heat

Every verse my deepest feeling
To you I would confess
Every note a deeper longing
That my words could not express
#2November 17th, 2006 · 04:28 PM
34 threads / 17 songs
581 posts
Canada
VERY NICE!  This flows well...mature rhyming...and I love the idea....not sure what type of tune you've got in mind for this though....?
#3November 17th, 2006 · 04:32 PM
30 threads
169 posts
United States of America
tune?
Dude, this is just for the album cover. 
#4November 17th, 2006 · 05:49 PM
48 threads / 7 songs
429 posts
United States of America
man
dude this is great i love the first verse VERY much i have no complaints what so ever and i agree with spoon keep up the good work ill be looking for more work by you!
#5November 17th, 2006 · 06:34 PM
160 threads / 88 songs
1,666 posts
United States of America
pretty cool lyrical flow
This could become a pretty soft kind of piano number... or even a nice acoustic guitar piece...


     I like the mood I get in reading them...

                    Well done...

                         JimK
#6November 17th, 2006 · 07:00 PM
341 threads / 59 songs
4,361 posts
Cymru (Wales)
Ooo Baby you got it!

That was excellent, thank you.
#7November 17th, 2006 · 09:06 PM
31 threads / 19 songs
612 posts
Canada
Too bad its not for music...I have something that goes perfect with this....
#8November 18th, 2006 · 05:42 AM
24 threads
319 posts
Malaysia
ow i seee....its a poem huh?


but its a GREAT poem!!!
#9November 18th, 2006 · 02:19 PM
35 threads / 26 songs
107 posts
United States of America
It's so pretty...  I love it! I if you what I'll put it to music for you. I'm good at make solos, too.
#10November 22nd, 2006 · 04:03 PM
46 threads / 33 songs
179 posts
United States of America
Well wht can one say apart from, well u've done it again.
#11November 22nd, 2006 · 10:36 PM
44 threads / 6 songs
305 posts
United States of America
A+

Very original, I suggest repeating the first verse as a chorus, because it rocks..."yo".

 
#12February 18th, 2007 · 12:34 AM
77 threads / 45 songs
2,296 posts
United States of America
nice
this is really good  Simon

Flyer
#13February 18th, 2007 · 03:06 PM
77 threads / 31 songs
353 posts
Norway
If I could...

I like it!     
#14February 19th, 2007 · 06:51 AM
97 threads / 43 songs
500 posts
Australia
Poems
yes, I like poems, especially this one. Intricate word play. Love the simple rhythm accompanying the rhyming stanzas. Best thing about poetry: when the basic form is combined with beautiful words, magical things happen.

Cheers for enlightening me with your poetic literature.

WB
#15February 19th, 2007 · 10:45 AM
341 threads / 59 songs
4,361 posts
Cymru (Wales)
Who ever does whatever to this, be it a poem or a song, I hope they read the words and then start creating, yes, the words are strong and right, yes, it has the proper time and story to it, yes it makes a musician want to burst into song (lol), but more important than all of this, it is a poem (song) about someone who wished that they could play/sing the song!!!!!
So if it were to be 'right' in my mind, I hear just a voice speaking the first verse, then a guitar stumbling into play, a second verse half sung with a few instruments popping up insecurely, on to a third verse where the vocal could start to pick up : "My voice a golden baritone" and the music starts to 'gel', etc etc into a beautiful song that comes to the most amazing ironic end that it is what it set out thinking that it wasn't!

Having written this now I seam to remember having read somewhere that it has been collab'd on!
A well, this is then an unbiased judgment.
1 2

Sorry, you do not have access to post...
Wanna post? Join Today!

Server Time: March 28th, 2024 · 7:53 PM
© 2002-2012 BandAMP. All Rights Reserved.