I'm with you tonight
Here I can hold you tight
First tree to
drop a leaf
and I know I can
hold this greif
Inside

Truth doesn't say goodnight
You are my star
So light
No one is saying it
'Cause we are all faking it
Love bites

And I
can't think of something to say
Caught up in your eyes
Yeah looking to the sky
Thinking of all our goodbyes

So me
Floating on a sea
Tangled in a tree
Not where I want to be

I got into the story a bit in the first two verses, then I find your looking for a rhyme and it becomes the kind of cliche I cringe at.

Like you say you "can't think of something to say", so you go all wobbly.

So, is it a song? it's short lined and simple so it could be a song.

Yup its a song I just need to record it.

Yeah and the third line's lyrics suck but i make up for it because thats when my singing goes up a full octave

Interesting comments above by both of you, and I agree with both. Lyrically it hs a nice feel and a nice story begins, but it falls to cliche, and that weakens it. You may be able to "make up for it" by covering it with a change of vocal pace, but in that case you are saying the lyrical story isn't really important - that it's just some sounds to sing. But doesn't it make sense to have both a strong lyrical story, AND good vocal style? It's fair to assume that when you post lyrics, it is for this exact sort of feedback. You can record a mega-hit with marginal lyrics, and there are tons of them. But since you started out writing good lyrics, is seems like you would want to make them better,and not just good enough to get you through the song.

I see you falling prey to something that happens to underveloped lyricists, and that is to put meaningless words into a sentence to maintain the meter and rythm. I will point out one example:

In V1 L5-7, you say<

"I know I can
Hold this grief
Inside"

It's a nice verse, but telling us "what you know" is redundant. What you are really telling is about is your grief, not your knowledge. You can add "I know" to any statemtn, such as "I know it's cold outside, "I know I want you near" etc. You could write entire paragraphs, adding, "I know" to every single delarative sentence. If you didn't know it, you couldn't write it. My point is that it is meaningless and it weakens your story. Use those two or three extra syllables to tell us more - or - just take them out. The great thing about music is that you can skip beats in the lyrcal rythm, but the music still holds it steady, and it makes for a more varied vocal pattern. I like the verse better without, "I know".

So all in all, I think it's artistically pleasing, but narratively weak. Could make a fine song still, though.