First so check it out and tell me what you think



We met in a park
With plenty of sparks
But now that’s all over
Lying in my bed
My arm behind your head
But now that’s all over

I thought it would last
We were having fun
The last stone was cast
And now that’s all done

We would talk for hours
I’d bring cards and flowers
But now that’s all over
More than just friends
Said together till the end
But now that’s all over

I thought it would last
We were having fun
The last stone was cast
And now that’s all done

We slowly grew apart
It killed my heart
But now that’s all over
Thought about you all the time
When my sorrow was prime
But now that’s all over

I don’t need you anymore

Not a good sign. It means people aren't responding emotionally to it. But you are really saying something worthwhile here. You need to make it more cohesive, give it some structure.

"Now that it's over" sounds like a great first line for a chorus. Each verse tells us a little about what it was like when you were together. The chorus can tell us what it's like, "Now that it's over."

Sorry, I don't mean to cut your work up and leave it on the floor. But it's worth fixing, and this is my opinion of one want to do that.