#1December 14th, 2010 · 12:31 AM
40 threads
165 posts
United States of America
What You Haven't Heard
When I'm around you
I feel all my nerves
yet when I look at you
you're looking at her
we laugh and joke
when she isn't around
I'm always there
when your feeling down
holding your hand
and pushing your chin up
helping you believe that your always enough

I could never tell you I love you
Because I know you love her
but inside my heart beats so hard
I'm surprised you haven't heard
but since I cant say it
I'll show you the best way I can
I'm here for you always
from begining to end


I'll keep my butterflies
locked up inside
maybe they will die down
after sometime
right now I see the way
that your looking at her
and its looking like I
haven't got a shot in the world.

chorus


I'm the only one
to ever see you cry
or picks up the phone
well after midnight
I'll always be honest
except for this time
I don't want to loose,
what isn't even mine.

chorus
#2December 18th, 2010 · 07:53 PM
340 threads / 59 songs
4,344 posts
United Kingdom
Thought it sounded cheesy to start with, then I started to like it, loved it reading the last verse!

It sings well, the chorus could be tighter or choppier in that some lines could be shorter, more abrupt.
And 'thick and thin' is a bit cheesy....I've come up with it many times as a next line, I tend to go oo! Noo! these days. What about 'No mater where you've been'?

The honesty is beautiful....yet the one time you say your not honest, you say something totally honest and sum up the whole piece in two lines.....beautiful.
#3December 22nd, 2010 · 02:45 PM
24 threads
166 posts
United States of America
Very very nice ms. white...
Very well written...
I wonder ms.white do you write in fiction?
Or is your prose, well at least somewhat based upon...
real life events?
I agree with Kings that I do love that very paradoxial set of lines
about being honest always but the one time you say your not
you truly are, and I agree with Kings on the "through thick and thin"
a bit cheesy eh? Although, just had a bit of a side thought
does anyone remember the old mac and cheese commercials with
the cheese'o'saurusrex? hehe but I digress. back to the matter at hand
very nice.. I love it!

The elusive,
   Sasquatch
#4December 22nd, 2010 · 10:10 PM
40 threads
165 posts
United States of America
the cheesy-ness has been changed!!

I havent written in awhile so forgive me for being a tad bit rusty.
I would say I have writersblock but the truth is, I havent been able to write. My mind has been elsewhere for the past few months, and it wasnt a very good place.

Do I write fiction?

never.

Everything I write, I hereby promise is from a real life expierence, whether I have been through it in the past or currently find myself wrapped up in it.

And thank you for your praise my ever elusive Sas, and Kings thank you very much aswell you always have great advice .

Thanks again.
-Miss White
#5December 22nd, 2010 · 11:05 PM
24 threads
166 posts
United States of America
Fantasy wrote…
Do I write fiction?

never.

Everything I write, I hereby promise is from a real life expierence, whether I have been through it in the past or currently find myself wrapped up in it.

#6December 22nd, 2010 · 11:12 PM
40 threads
165 posts
United States of America
So...
What do u think about that sas?
#7September 19th, 2011 · 02:22 PM
188 threads / 27 songs
2,825 posts
Germany
Happy birthday, Fantasy!

hope to hear something from you one day
#8November 19th, 2011 · 12:52 AM
7 threads / 6 songs
20 posts
United States of America
pretty cool
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