I wrote this last week, it's a hard-rocking song I think. Actually the title came first then the song. Please comment...tell me what you think and if you have any ideas i'll be happy to hear from you!!

Like prickling needles
piercing your heart
devil's hands
turning you inside out
feel his scathing claws
oh, you want to scream and shout

[chorus]
But there's no cure for the pain
no cure or therapy
it stays the same
no running away
no running away
no cure for the pain

picking red roses by the park
pricked by thorns now you're hurt
bleeding redder than your roses
now you hate the beauty
feeling incest and angry
oh, you want to scream and shout

But there's no cure for the pain
no cure or therapy
it stays the same
no running away
no running away
no cure for the pain

finding a cure for the pain
found a needle 's like a saint
It's cure this time you say
Watch it all go away
erase the day
oh, you want to scream and shout

But there's no cure for the pain
no cure or therapy
it stays the same
no running away
no running away
no cure for the pain

You watch your puple sky
hear strange voices cry
the shadows are a blur
you're down on the dirty floor
hallucinations in your eyes
believing you're flying high

Sounds good.

Though, it's hard for me to get a sense of the rhythm in the verses. In my mind, I'm wanting to hear a fourth stanza.

Reading on... It definitley sounds like hard rock, maybe metal.

Do you have an idea for the music? It looks to me like it would actually work well in 6/8 time.

The last verse is my favorite.

I was wondering if anyone else ever came up with titles before lyrics. I have trouble writing lyrics sometimes. ok, a lot... anyway, one of the solutions I've found is to create a title first, and then build on it. So, your reasoning might be different, but at least I'm not alone

Anyway, I'm really interested in seeing where this goes, that is if it becomes a song.

thanks for your suggestions. It should have a fourth stanza you say? Well, yeah I'll look into that.

I have ideas for the music, but not concrete ones that let me actually sing it yet. Just vague stuff. Oh and the last verse is also my fave, too.

I like coming up with lyrics, that's what I do most of the time, lyrics first. But for the music it's not that easy for me. So if you have like suggestions or wanna collab maybe u can contact me?

I have alot to learn.

help? ideas?

I'd have to hear you sing it

I can collab.

seriously? dude that would be so cool!  

i think I should add something after "feel his scathing claws" in the first verse, maybe "feel the tightening jaws" as when I sing it and it comes to the "oh you want to scream and shout" it changes rather abruptly without a nice flow.

and at the last verse after "believing you're flying high" I was thinking of adding a whisper (die...) but is that too much?