#1September 1st, 2010 · 09:57 AM
2 threads
4 posts
Netherlands
My first
Hi people,

I am still new here. I used to write and play a little bit of organ and keyboard. But in the last few years with the job and stuff, I kind of lost it. Trying to revive things I loved. thinking, writing, playing. Here is a piece, I am not sure if I'll ever know enough music to make a song, but write I can.

This one is quite serious and inspiration came from some articles I read recently and some ideas that I had quite a few years ago. Let me know what you think. Being living in the netherlands for a year, so I can take all the blunt criticism that you can throw


The beasts you made
Are of your hand now
Murder turns suicide
Start the witch hunt now
Kill the kids gone wrong

Do you remember who you were
What you did to me and
What you made of me
I donít know why I still look at you for love
I donít know why I donít shut the fuck up

Arms were cut and then the breasts
Brothers fought and killed the peace
They killed the peace which didnít exist
I donít know what to think Ė its so messed
I donít know why I donít shut the fuck up

I donít know what scares you about me
But donít you know, the scars you left run deep
I forget the scars and speak your tongue
Thatís as far as I have come
But its just me, you know, not everyone forgets

Burning hands that made the fire
The fire made by hands that burnt
Nobody knows where to hide
Its not the answer, I know you know,
Who are we fooling with all the pride,

The beasts you made
Are of your hand now
Murder turns suicide
Start the witch hunt now
To kill your son
#2September 1st, 2010 · 03:19 PM
371 threads / 187 songs
3,380 posts
United Kingdom
I'm hopeless at reveiwing lyrics, just think it may be too long
Can you create music to it?
#3September 2nd, 2010 · 12:54 PM
2 threads
4 posts
Netherlands
Yup, I guess it doesnt quite rhyme at all - and ya its quite long. I have written before, but never a song, so have no experience of how to create a structure for a song.

There are a lot of lyrics posted on this forum, and some good feedback, I guess I will read some of them and see if it helps.

Thanks, for reading it though
#4September 2nd, 2010 · 01:55 PM
340 threads / 59 songs
4,344 posts
United Kingdom
It flows, even if it is a bit vague....maybe not vague but it jumps and the grammar is cut off making it a bit tiresome to follow the meanings.
I dont know about a 'fixed' structure for a song, I think a 'flowing' will eventually give a lyric that will become a song.
If I have a lyrical idea I'll sing it around my head, humming the bits that have no words yet or giving any tune to the bits that have no music.....if the story is strong enough I can then follow the tune developing the lyric as I go on. Any choruses and breaks will come with the 'flowing' of the song as you 'imagine it'.

just toying :

The beasts you made
You held the blade
Murder turns to suicide
Witch hunt
Which side
Killed the sun?

  
#5September 2nd, 2010 · 02:33 PM
2 threads
4 posts
Netherlands
@kings

Pretty cool. Thanks for your response!

I think I almost get what you are saying. So, if I have an idea - its important to stick to it, the exact words will flow with the tune that rings. I would say, I am not quite in the frame of mind for imagining the songs play in my head. But I think I get the idea.

Here is one question - if you are listening to a song, how far will you go to decipher what it is trying to say. or how direct would you like the song to be? I have noticed, if you try to make it too direct, there are a lot of things that you miss out, especially when the idea applies quite broadly.
#6September 3rd, 2010 · 03:22 PM
340 threads / 59 songs
4,344 posts
United Kingdom
electorange wrote…
@kings

Pretty cool. Thanks for your response!

I think I almost get what you are saying. So, if I have an idea - its important to stick to it, the exact words will flow with the tune that rings. I would say, I am not quite in the frame of mind for imagining the songs play in my head. But I think I get the idea.

Here is one question - if you are listening to a song, how far will you go to decipher what it is trying to say. or how direct would you like the song to be? I have noticed, if you try to make it too direct, there are a lot of things that you miss out, especially when the idea applies quite broadly.

But that is what having song writing skills is all about.....that you can say what you feel in a coherent lyrical way.
There's two questions there anyway.

First of all I'll listen...that is what it (the song) wants me to do. It is a story, I am the listener.
If it is a good song it will tell me what it means and I will be taken deeper into it's story.

Universeality is what it's about in my book...if someone can tell a personal tale but yet do it in a way that everyone takes it personal and relates to it, then it's done well.

You can try to be ambiguous, you can try to be strange, you can try to be obscure and you can try to be clever, as long as it makes sense, what ever sense that may be and as long as it flows, what ever kind of flow that is, then you are the storyteller ! yes?   
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