#1May 2nd, 2010 · 03:01 AM
91 threads
73 posts
United States of America
Our Song
I count the time,
As you walk through the door and you smile,
It's just another night,
And your mind has been gone for a while

I tried to ignore it,
Tried to remember how you were before it,
Happened so soon,
I can remember,
You were happy last December,

And the night turns to day,
You get up,
Open your mouth but find nothing to say,
Go on with the day,
Pretending everything's ok

We tried to ignore it,
Tried to remember how we were before it,
But it happened so soon,
Like the sun went over the moon,
I can remember,
We were happy last December

Baby, its true,
Now i'm crying to you,
Counting the hours,
Picking your flowers,
Pretending to smile,
Because we're such cowards,
Even if our world has turned blue,
Baby, i know you'd be crying too

tell me what you think! it was a bit spur of the moment, but it's just what came to my mind.
#2May 4th, 2010 · 12:26 AM
91 threads
73 posts
United States of America
Oh come on, out of everyone who has viewed this, someone must have something to say.
#3May 4th, 2010 · 03:32 AM
188 threads / 27 songs
2,825 posts
Germany
sounds like you've been married for a long time now. kinda sad, kinda frustrating but hopeful in understandings.

although I am not the one who talks about lyrics as I'm not that lyricist (I know why). But I can find myself and my world's sight in your words
#4May 4th, 2010 · 04:42 AM
118 threads / 55 songs
3,086 posts
Netherlands
hmmm I'm usually not commenting on lyrics because there's always a lot things to say, I could analyse them to tidbits and people tend to misinterpret analyses anyway.

But as you are eager for comments, I'll keep it simple.

You do a good job writing out your personal affairs (whether fictional or not), I am however skeptical on how they'd work in an actual song. Then again, I'm not a romanticist (at all whatsoever), and I'd fail to either write or appreciate a romantic/relationship-associated/love song anyway, so my opinion is moot when it comes to that (hence I would not comment).

Still would like to point you to a band I do appreciate, and a set of lyrics to a song that did something to me, if you get the chance check it out, as your words made me think of them immediately (not sure why ) check here

cheers
#5May 5th, 2010 · 12:25 AM
91 threads
73 posts
United States of America
Thanks!
when i wrote this, i really wasnt writting about anything. i still have no idea what it's really about, but i just had all of these random lines that i really liked, such as the last verse
Baby it's true,
Now i'm crying to you,
Counting the hours,
Picking your flowers,
Pretending to smile,
Because we're such cowards,
Even if our world has turned blue,
Baby, i know you'd be crying too

i guess the song isnt really about a relationship. it's really about what ever the person who is reading it wants it to be about!
#6April 25th, 2011 · 05:55 PM
5 threads / 5 songs
102 posts
Suriname
Why don't you try to record one of your songs?
You could make a nice song of this lyrics
#7April 25th, 2011 · 11:01 PM
91 threads
73 posts
United States of America
I'm working on it!
It's a bit hard to record where i am, due to sound, but hopefully I'll get something up on here sometime!
#8April 26th, 2011 · 10:02 AM
5 threads / 5 songs
102 posts
Suriname
Would be nice! Can you sing or play any instrument?
#9February 10th, 2012 · 09:35 AM
102 threads / 59 songs
204 posts
Canada
I like this a lot. I played around with the first 3 verses and came up with a short song that I'd be happy to send yo if you want to hear it. Send me a PM and I'd be happy to send you a copy.
#10February 10th, 2012 · 01:25 PM
340 threads / 59 songs
4,344 posts
United Kingdom
I must have been away in May! 

This piece is quite good, in that I think it has some excellent lines and rhymes but also has ify bits.

I really the first one

I tried to ignore it,
Tried to remember how you were before it,
Happened so soon,
I can remember,
You were happy last December,

but I'm not into the soon and moon in the second.

Though it is again about a relationship I actually like your point of view of the subject in this one.
#11February 27th, 2012 · 07:26 PM
91 threads
73 posts
United States of America
thank you Kings!
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