| Your Swallowed Sins |
all right these are the finished version of "quick i need help with this" lol thanks to spoon who helped me with some spelling errors and some words to help it flow better
and thenks to Misunderstood for a few lines i needed to make this more of a song than just a ramble of words
feed back would be lovely if you could give it to me thanks all
-- the paper doll
How do you fake a loving smile?
How do you make such perfect lies?
Your body lay on the cold tile
and all you can do is cry
where are my pills for broken dreams?
Where are my pills for broken hearts?
Where are my pills to mend these things?
Empty bottles lie on the floor
Making an ocean, still want more
Overdosed on imperfection
Your mind goes numb, lacking direction
The pain you feel is so unreal
All I want is for you to heal
You ask, you beg, you cry and pray
Can't someone take the pain away
The people you despise
Swarm and cluster behind closed eyes
Wondering if you realized
all you’ve ever heard were lies
Where are my pills for broken dreams?
Where are my pills for broken hearts?
Where are my pills to mend these things?
How do you fake a loving smile?
How do you make such perfect lies?
Your body lay on the cold tile
and all you can do is cry
and thenks to Misunderstood for a few lines i needed to make this more of a song than just a ramble of words
feed back would be lovely if you could give it to me thanks all-- the paper doll
How do you fake a loving smile?
How do you make such perfect lies?
Your body lay on the cold tile
and all you can do is cry
where are my pills for broken dreams?
Where are my pills for broken hearts?
Where are my pills to mend these things?
Empty bottles lie on the floor
Making an ocean, still want more
Overdosed on imperfection
Your mind goes numb, lacking direction
The pain you feel is so unreal
All I want is for you to heal
You ask, you beg, you cry and pray
Can't someone take the pain away
The people you despise
Swarm and cluster behind closed eyes
Wondering if you realized
all you’ve ever heard were lies
Where are my pills for broken dreams?
Where are my pills for broken hearts?
Where are my pills to mend these things?
How do you fake a loving smile?
How do you make such perfect lies?
Your body lay on the cold tile
and all you can do is cry
hoo boy. i've been there
normally, i'm not a fan of rhyming too much, but whatever you did, you did it well. the rhyming wasn't distracting at all, i didn't think.
as for what is written, i think it's good-- it'll work great. i have a thought, but you can ignore it if you think i'm pulling the song away from the intended feel.
a lot of times, songs have some sort of developement... resolution... a problem that changes as the song progresses... as for the song in it's current state, it seems like it has a single main idea and it does a good job of embelishing it, but there's no change or mutation at all. now, you may have some change / mutation planned for the music; music can be great for that when the lyrics stay steady all the way through. anyway, i just wanted to point that out.
as for what the mutation would be... i have no idea it's your song. your idea. your story.
normally, i'm not a fan of rhyming too much, but whatever you did, you did it well. the rhyming wasn't distracting at all, i didn't think.
as for what is written, i think it's good-- it'll work great. i have a thought, but you can ignore it if you think i'm pulling the song away from the intended feel.
a lot of times, songs have some sort of developement... resolution... a problem that changes as the song progresses... as for the song in it's current state, it seems like it has a single main idea and it does a good job of embelishing it, but there's no change or mutation at all. now, you may have some change / mutation planned for the music; music can be great for that when the lyrics stay steady all the way through. anyway, i just wanted to point that out.
as for what the mutation would be... i have no idea
it's your song. your idea. your story.well thank you im farely proud of these lyrics if you can tell
im farely proud of these lyrics if you can tell
Sorry, you do not have access to post...
Wanna post? Join Today!