#1June 9th, 2006 · 11:19 PM
9 threads / 4 songs
209 posts
India
Say What
this song was writtenwith the feeling that everything is wierd around me
but i am not going to change....
pls send rewiew i need urgently to improve



i saw a girl on the tree chewing her nails
i got 90% and still i am fail
i struck my ears and i heard them say
all the rogues those screaming that way
i saw a gorilla on my bed
i didn't care i just went ahead
the girl cheated me with whom i slept
answer me now your turn is next

say what! u feel when a girl slaps on your face
say what! u taste when a cat spits on your cake
say what! u do when they dig that shit on u
sya what! u fight for what u think is right

i heard someone shouting at me from the back
i knew something was gonna happen bad
i saw some people when i turned around
i didnt notice it was their compound
their pet dog came running towards me
i shouted out loud but no one heard me
the dog bit me....
....you know where
this is a story from no where

say what! u feel when a girl slaps on your face
say what! u taste when a cat spits on your cake
say what! u do when they dig that shit on u
sya what! u fight for what u think is right
#2June 9th, 2006 · 11:25 PM
66 threads / 55 songs
697 posts
United States of America
ah k

here's my impression..

a lot of it doesn't make sense, but I think that's probably because your english isn't completely perfect... though correct me if I'm wrong...

I can still hear what you're trying to say.

sounds pretty good.

what type of music are they intended for? sounds to me like some sort of rap. at least, that's what I think would work best with it.

there's my two cents.
#3June 11th, 2006 · 03:49 PM
4 threads / 1 songs
42 posts
Portugal
all in all it's good but there are sentences that dont really make sense
"i got 90% and still i am fail" didnt understand this one
"i shouted aloud but no one heard me" out loud maybe?

by personal experience..dont use too many "me"s
well my english is not perfect either but i usually use an online dictionary to make sure things make sense..but hey it's pretty good
#4June 13th, 2006 · 08:46 AM
55 threads / 30 songs
1,558 posts
United Kingdom
Very odd in places -

Not too sure about the whole of the first verse; it doesn't have anything that particularly joins it all together
The chorus is fine (although not so sure about the 3rd line, should that be "on you" instead of "in you"?); it's probably pretty easy to fit the chorus into any style of music
I like the last verse, it paints a nice image!

I'm not worried about the first-person approach to writing lyrics, they can work fine if worded well.  But I would try to sort out the theme slightly better - it wasn't really apparent from the lyrics that you intended this to be about people who like to be the best (as you say in your intro).
#5July 16th, 2006 · 09:22 AM
9 threads / 4 songs
209 posts
India
hey you guys let me explain...
in india..you get marks out of 100..not grades...
so it is a reference to that...unless you get 40% ..you are fail...
so this means that even after getting 90% ..which are the top class marks...i am still fail..in the exams..!!!!!
understood???
#6July 16th, 2006 · 03:31 PM
160 threads / 33 songs
1,965 posts
United States of America
i understand but
I got a diffrent meaning from that line. I thought of someone who by most standards was successfull but they still felt failure.  Diffrent people diffrent points of view. I thought the lyrics were pretty good for the ideas just a little off in translation. good job
#7August 12th, 2006 · 11:00 PM
9 threads / 4 songs
209 posts
India
HEY TOASTEDGOAT..
the meaning which you got is the actual meaning i had in mind while writing the lyrics...
i wanted to make a reference to the base from where the the idea of lines was taken!!!
#8August 14th, 2006 · 11:02 PM
48 threads / 7 songs
429 posts
United States of America
ummmm...... dont hate me?
you are not aloud to hate me! i've read these before and i could never get the "say what" out of my head, and these are proubly not ment to be what the lyrics you wrote down were but this is what i came up with in a couple of minuts... if you dont like all of it go ahead and pick threw what you like and use them in your lyrics, i like where you were going with this, just some of what you said made no sence i guess... so um yeah here you go, its proubley not that great i did it in like five minuts and didnt bother combing threw to take out any errors so yeah here you go let me know what you think k?

pap



i saw a girl chewing her nails
i got 90% on that test and still I fail
i stuck out the finger, heard them say
all the rogues go screaming that way! 
i saw another girl on my bed
i didn't care i just went ahead
the girl cheated me with whom i slept
answer me now your turn is next

say what! u feel when a girl slaps on your face
say what! u think when you’ve been replaced
say what! u feel when you get to second base
say what! u think life is nothing but a race

i heard someone shouting at me from the back
i turned to see the girl from three nights ago
 I had to get outa there before she attacked
she came  running towards me
her hair all wild and her eyes all black
i shouted out loud but no one heard me
she hit me…
....you know where

(OUCH!)

this is a story from no where

say what! u feel when a girl slaps on your face
say what! u think when you’ve been replaced
say what! u feel when you get to second base
say what! u think life is nothing but a race

say what! u feel when a girl slaps on your face
say what! u think when you’ve been replaced
say what! u feel when you get to second base
say what! u think life is nothing but a race
#9August 15th, 2006 · 01:36 AM
121 threads / 56 songs
3,098 posts
Netherlands
wow, paps re-write actually DOES make sense. I always refrained from commenting to the original lyrics because I would have been quite... destructive. I never liked the "cat spits on your cake", that's a real iffy imagery, doesn't make sense at all. Like the rest it probably was a very bad translation of something...

anyway, still, in paps version, the first verse seems a bit odd to me. Although I'd much rather like that girl on my bed instead of the gorilla, I still don't know who the rogues are (other than a biker gang I know of), and how sticking out a finger is in any way related to screaming.

and "the girl cheated me with whom I slept" - "answer me now your turn is next", is kinda unclear what this is aiming at. what does it mean? one can only guess and not find any answer at all....

pap's version of the chorus and the 2nd verse however clears up something of the fog around the story. Standalone, they do make sense, in great contrast to the original.

so, all in all, I do not like the original at all - the english is too bad, and the plot very unclear - though I would LOVE to see you being chased around by mad dogs and gorillas, being kicked in the n** in the process, Hyp!

paps re-write is much better and DOES make sense, except the first verse is still weird, but maybe that will work to draw a listener closer to try and find out what it's about.

alright. I hope that wasn't too destructive
#10August 21st, 2006 · 11:59 PM
44 threads / 6 songs
305 posts
United States of America
My rewrite.

I saw a girl chewing her nails
I got 90% on a test and yet still I failed
I gave them the finger, yeah I heard them say
Rougue screamers, go fly that way

[chorus]
Say what? A girl slaps you in the face?
Say what? You feel you've been replaced?
Say what? You get to second base
Say what? You think life's just a race

I saw a girl on my bed
I didn't care I just went ahead
The girl cheated me with whom I slept
Answer me now or your next be next

[chorus]

I heard someone shouting at me from the back
I turned to see the girl from three nights ago
I had to get outa there before she attacked
She came  running towards me
Her hair in shreds and her eyes wild
I shouted out loud but I was in silence

This is a story from no whereeeeee

[chorus](2x)
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