Wow... cool song. I like the audacity and the honesty of this song. It's really good, although I don't agree in all but... it's what you feel. At first using the fairytale as a metaphor kind of confuse me but as I read on, it made sense. I think you did a good job!
Funny!
I like this .. "I know this is bad news and I'm sorry to bare it
But you needed the truth before the lies got to wear it"
I dont like : We're dying in the very end, could it not be something like "Dying to make it be" ? .or "Dying to see you in me" or something.
I like the choruses, they work well, I'm not so into the second verse it's like you become all 'matter of fact' and forget your writing poetry or a song.
I like the idea, but I find the idea of seeing the curtains being drawn back even more exciting !
I like this .. "I know this is bad news and I'm sorry to bare it
But you needed the truth before the lies got to wear it"
I dont like : We're dying in the very end, could it not be something like "Dying to make it be" ? .or "Dying to see you in me" or something.
I like the choruses, they work well, I'm not so into the second verse it's like you become all 'matter of fact' and forget your writing poetry or a song.
I like the idea, but I find the idea of seeing the curtains being drawn back even more exciting !
its good MB, it is.
for some reason though i dont think i like it as much as your other stuff.
it really does tell the truth though, ya know?
like, love doesnt happen the way they potray it in the movies.
its no fairy tale
good job
maybe...you could try recording this one instead hahaha
for some reason though i dont think i like it as much as your other stuff.
it really does tell the truth though, ya know?
like, love doesnt happen the way they potray it in the movies.
its no fairy tale
good job
maybe...you could try recording this one instead hahaha
it is an AWESOME song. i just read it i hope i can hear it sometime soon
"But that sharp black suit and that fluffy dress
Seem to never last forever even if we give our best
And the one thing I've learned from my many tries
Is that no matter what they tell you, wedding cake is a lie"
Something about these words here.... they seem to tstick out to me a bit...
i would try using the same idea.. but change up the words maybe some thing
more along the lines of
"But that sharp black suit and that fluffy dress
Can't be the key to our happiness
When you wake up ten years down the road
You slept by your prince, but now he's the toad"
haha ok maybe not... but try some lyricisms...
I find they are very helpfull expectialy in your situation with this song
your trying to be very.. brutally honest with your lyrics...
lighten them up with a little satire..
Seem to never last forever even if we give our best
And the one thing I've learned from my many tries
Is that no matter what they tell you, wedding cake is a lie"
Something about these words here.... they seem to tstick out to me a bit...
i would try using the same idea.. but change up the words maybe some thing
more along the lines of
"But that sharp black suit and that fluffy dress
Can't be the key to our happiness
When you wake up ten years down the road
You slept by your prince, but now he's the toad"
haha ok maybe not... but try some lyricisms...
I find they are very helpfull expectialy in your situation with this song
your trying to be very.. brutally honest with your lyrics...
lighten them up with a little satire..
"But that sharp black suit and that fluffy dress
Seem to never last forever even if we give our best
And the one thing I've learned from my many tries
Is that no matter what they tell you, wedding cake is a lie"
I liked this verse. Especially the second line.
"Seem to never last forever" causes a kind of rhyme inside a rhyme. Which is something I enjoy playing with. Mixes it up a bit. Though I would advise changing it to "Seem to never last forever though we give our best" But to be honest, if you haven't already got a melody for this you'll undoubtedly change them around a bit anyway.
The last line is good but sounds a little awkward. Maybe it's just cause my mate showed me this game called Portal the other day and then I saw a guy in a T-shirt saying "The cake is a lie" and it just reminded me of that.
I think stealing Kings line is a good idea to replace "dying in the end". That line almost pushes the lyrics towards floppy fringes and red and black clothing.
But yeah, I really liked these lyrics.
I also agree with your opinion on peoples misconception of love.
You going to record?
Seem to never last forever even if we give our best
And the one thing I've learned from my many tries
Is that no matter what they tell you, wedding cake is a lie"
I liked this verse. Especially the second line.
"Seem to never last forever" causes a kind of rhyme inside a rhyme. Which is something I enjoy playing with. Mixes it up a bit. Though I would advise changing it to "Seem to never last forever though we give our best" But to be honest, if you haven't already got a melody for this you'll undoubtedly change them around a bit anyway.
The last line is good but sounds a little awkward. Maybe it's just cause my mate showed me this game called Portal the other day and then I saw a guy in a T-shirt saying "The cake is a lie" and it just reminded me of that.
I think stealing Kings line is a good idea to replace "dying in the end". That line almost pushes the lyrics towards floppy fringes and red and black clothing.
But yeah, I really liked these lyrics.
I also agree with your opinion on peoples misconception of love.
You going to record?